amourseeker Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 [color=blue][/color] Ok, Here is my situation...or at least the quick version. I've been dating this guy for almost 2 months now, seeing each other only once a week due to work........2weeks ago he found out his ex was having surgery in another state because she was having a tubal preg., which by the way he never knew she was pregnant. He got all confused in what to do, I asked him upfront if he wanted me to stop talking to him and he said NO very quickly. He said he is very attracted to me, but he also spent a year with this other girl...blah blah blah So what did I do, the noble thing...I wrote him a very long email explaining how I felt about him and said I'm going to give you this week so you can think and that I wasn't going to contact him so he would have time to filter all of this out. I thought..wow very mature on my part...by the way all week long killed me because I also told him if he wants to see where things will go with us to come over on Monday.....well he didn't come. I drove myself crazy all week and he didn't show, not an email or call...which pissed me off. What did I do you ask??!!??!! My italian temper came out alittle...I wrote a not so nice email expalining how I gave him time to think and laid it all on the line about how I felt about him, and then said I thought you would have been a stand up guy to at least call to say you weren't coming!!!!! UGGGGGGGGG He finally replied with a very short 2 line email saying he got called into work........he just got home after midnight...that he understands, and the he was sorry I was upset....but that he needs more time. I emailed him 2 days ago saying I was sorry for being so rude but he needs to understand I'm over here not having a clue what's going on and to let me know either way......so I know to move on or to give him more time....but no response...I know he got it because the email gave me a receipt to when he opened it.!!! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???? I'm 31 and don't have time for games or trying to figure out if I'm in one!!!! PLEASE help with any advice...or maybe someone from the outside can see what I don't in my blindness! Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Probably the guy is confused about what happened with the ex. We don't know how everything is resolved, so it is impossible to make an accurate assessment of the situation. After sending the first email, he had a week time. For whatever reason, he did not respond. A few days later you send a second email, this time rude. He gave a very short reply, with an excuse probably. After all, if he was called to work unexpectedly, he somewhere must have had the time to send you an reply earlier. Unless he went from his ex straight to work, but that seems highly unlikely. The fact that he has opened your email, but did not reply, is indicative of a doubt clouding his mind, what to do. It may be that he wants to spend a year with the ex, it may be that you are not a priority at all to him. He is not clear on what he wants from you. He could have replied with 2 lines, but he did not. So the best thing for you is to move on. If he wants you, he knows how to contact you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amourseeker Posted March 6, 2005 Author Share Posted March 6, 2005 you know what that is good advice and I must say I didn't think of it.........he does know where to find me if he REALLY wants to. I have no idea if he has seen his ex since all of this happened...it's not like she is 10 minutes away like me but instead is in a different state altogether...... Link to post Share on other sites
Undertaker Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Was the ex pregnant from/by him? If she was...then that makes a big difference. I think you should just take his response for face value until he gives you reason not to. If he says he needs more time to think, then you should prove to him that you can give him this time. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amourseeker Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 yep it was his......i think, he thinks..they broke up in December and I met him in January towards the end of the month...but he never knew she was pregnant until the phone rang...what timing for me!!! I do plan on giving him his time he needs and I think I showed him that even when he said he doesn't want me to stop talking to him, only because I knew he would need the time. I hate the fact that I am on this computer most of my free time just waiting to get an email response from him...it's not in my character to do that.......it's only been 2 months and i'm like this..I dated and lived with a guy for 5 1/2 years and I was never like this with him???Why do you think? is it one of those like they always say in the movies....you'll just know when it's right because you have that feeling that tells you he's the one? Link to post Share on other sites
Undertaker Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Even if you had a feeling that he was the one, HE has to have that feeling as well. Otherwise, it doesn't really matter. If it's really his kid, then that changes things. If it were me, I'd have to take some time to think about what the right thing is to do. He might be thinking that he doesn't want to bring you into this 'mess'. OR, he could have decided to try to make it work with the pregnant ex girlfriend. You probably want to tell him that you'd be willing to be with him through this, but it's his decision. If you've gotten to the point where you don't want to wait anymore, just send him a letter telling him that you'd still consider being with him but since you haven't heard anything one way or another, you've got to get on with your life. If he still wants you, then he should quicky respond with a "No, Wait!" Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Why send a letter, if she already emailed him? She has already received a read-receipt, so it should be obvious to him that it's his move now. If he is confused another letter does not have any positive effect. He has not responded for a while, and you cannot keep on waiting till he suddenly decides what he wants to do. Besides, if he miraculously decides after 3 months that he wants to be with Amourseeker (which I doubt, sadly), she is very unlikely to already have established a new relationship. So I would advice her, to casually move on, and if he is interested in you, he knows how to call you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amourseeker Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 Undertaker~ I actually did just that.............I told him I understand he needs space and time, but I can't wait in the side wings with my tail between my legs for someone who I don't even know wants to be with me..........I have my life to live and no time to be on pause mode.....I told him he knows where to find me! But in case you are confused, I think you are from your response ...she WAS pregnant...she lost the baby.....does that change anything? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Yes, he could be going through a grieving process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amourseeker Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 d'Arthez~ do you really think he is going through a greiving process??? I can say yes he may be upset...but in a matter of 2 hours he found out he was a dad, by the oh so nice ex who decided to keep it from him.....then he wasn't a dad because she lost it. all before he even got to go see her in the hospital because he was driving 2 hours to see her in another state. I emailed him last on Friday and yes you are right no response yet........no I'm not going to contact him again.......I'm done with the games...I know this is no game especially on his end but it's too much drama for me to think about this all day long when I don't even know if I'm going to be in the picture in the future......I'm too good of a person to wait around while he decides........I decided just now to enjoy my single life like I was.........and take care of me......hopefully this attitude will last longer then a day!!! I do have to say I'm kicking some major butt in my kickboxing class though...great stress release! Link to post Share on other sites
Author amourseeker Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 ok see how good I am...I see him online right now on my yahoo messenger...so i just made myself become invisible............hey it's a start! Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 A grieving process is a definite possibility. Just because men have no physical bond with the unborn child, it does not mean they can't experience the loss of the child. Especially if it would be his first child. Sometimes these processes take months, it also depends on the quality of the relationship he had with her. Good luck moving on, and hopefully he might come to his senses amourseeker! Link to post Share on other sites
Undertaker Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 He could be grieving, but he's also being mean right now. When he sees that you are online through the messenger, does he ever talk to you? I think that there is more to this than him just needing time to sort things out. By now, he should be smart enough to know that he owes you some kind of an explaination. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amourseeker Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 I agree he does owe me more thten what he is giving me, not only for the situation but because I'm a good person and I don't deserve this...maybe he doesn't deserve me! But no he doesn't respond but I also go invisible when I see him on...I don't want him thinking I'm that easy to get a hold of Link to post Share on other sites
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