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Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 17th October 2017, 5:41 AM   #16
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Bob doesn't sound like a mean person to me. He was harsh with you in that first exchange, yes, but his follow up messages were all kindness, without backing down on his original message to you.

It is very difficult to hear harsh truths about ourselves without sinking into self pity and even blaming the deliverer of those truths for just wanting to "bring us down." I don't think Bob wanted to bring you down or crush your spirit at all, but maybe reached a breaking point and felt he needed to be honest.

Look, you have personality flaws. We all do. One of mine is that I can get very snappish and lash out at innocent family members if I'm feeling hurt or stressed or rejected. It's something I've been working on for a while, and even in therapy for a while after my divorce. I'm much better than I used to be. Partly because I've acknowledged that this behavior is not ok.

Your friend took the time to point out that you are entitled and act like you're better than everyone else. I can't say that I'm surprised after reading some of your posts and exchanges here, although of course I don't know you in person. But, you are misinterpreting his intentions in a self-pitying way when you say things like this: "People wonder why I have self esteem issues - the minute I start acting like I am better than another or hope for something more than what is before me, they tell me I do not deserve them and how dare I think I am better than I am. " (He did not tell you you do not "deserve" good things) Or this: "I have taken a new stance in life, which is extreme introversion and keeping myself a mystery and not reveal much about myself when dealing with others." (Keeping yourself a mystery on purpose will do nothing to change the opinion of others that you think you are better than everyone)

There's a reason they say "the truth hurts." A healthy dose of humility will really help in this situation.
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Old 17th October 2017, 5:48 AM   #17
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I agree that Bob seemed to mean well, but many people cannot take harsh criticisms well, so his way of delivery may have negative effects on these people.
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Old 17th October 2017, 10:51 PM   #18
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No one LIKES it when people tell them what they find annoying or wrong with them. I don't do that to others, as I've been so hurt by these things I don't do it to others. Only in extreme circumstances.

I don't know what to feel other than I am still hurt by him and what he said. I feel like he said I am s*** and I don't deserve happiness or achievement. I've had others tear me apart, I am according to him an entitled person because of this this and this that I had done/said in the past. I realized I have been somewhat snotty in the past. I changed that. I barely say a word unless others speak to me anymore, everyone's so critical - the forum being no exception.
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Old 16th December 2017, 5:30 PM   #19
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I tried today. I was so afraid ... I went back to the place and was hoping to see others again. I want to come back now. But no one was there when I got there. I took a few minutes to collect myself, I was on the edge of crying, I was going to face my fears and do this again. But, they were not there. Part of me was happy the timing was bad on my part but ... It's what it is.
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