Jacob1939 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Hi , my name is Jake and i'm 21 years old.2 months ago , i broke up with my gf of 3,5 years.She studies in another part of my country , and went there when we were together for 1,5 years.She didn't find anyone she wanted to hang out with there , so i encouraged her to hang out with some girl i found to be ok.Though reluctant at first she agreed, and actually started hanging out with them.I was , and still am , really happy for her.Then about 2 weeks before we broke up , she started hanging out with a larger group of friend that involved that group of girls and some other guys.I didnt mind , but then she stopped talking to me.For a whole week.No good morning , no nothing.I went out with my friends for my birthday which was that week , she sent me a "you were really pretty today" , on facebook.Then about 2 days later , i wanted to patch things up , so i sent her "you know i really love you <3 " . Then i got it.The message we all dont want to get , but inevitably do. "Yeah , we need to talk about that.".Anyways , she said she didnt see me romantically anymore, she only saw me as a "precious friend".We stopped talking.I tried to cut it.I was in denial. She kept messaging saying "what will happen with us? ". I didnt know honestly.A month passes , during which i had a breakdown and called her and asked if we could be together again , to no avail.After that , i go there to visit her in person , confess i still love her and want to patch things up.I pick up a couple of her favorite flowers on the way , go there.She is surprised , but happy to see me.I confess my feelings to her , seeing her look at me with a look that may want to give things another try.But in the end , she says "you're a great guy , good looking , i dont deserve you" etc , but we cant be together.But not for the same reason as before , this time its cause i dont understand her , and cause we dont match.Then , i ask her why she has been so distant , she says she doesnt want me thinking she wants to get back together , i tell her that , whatever she does after this point she's told me she doesnt want us to be together , so everything she says after this point will be heard with that in mind. Her response to that was "What if i ask you to get back together? " . Drunk in love i respond "then we will get back together.". i know idiotic but my feelings took a hold of me.after that she told me she would go for coffee with her friends , (like kicking me out) asked if i was going to come , out of kindness(?) , i denied took the next bus off of there went home.I called her when i got there told her we wouldnt let anybody stand in the way of us taking together , didnt realize the one getting in the way would be my heart and mind.Anyways , after i returned , we talked some times. I went out with a mutual friend for coffee , she texted him "How was Jake today? " , he said i was fine .What bothered me a bit is that she greeted him in a weird way.What i mean is she will usually spell the words in full , you know "How are you doing? ". What she did was write a lot like a 15yo , like "Hey , how r u dng?". Anyways, after that i stopped texting , i left her to do it , kind of a No Contact period (kind of) . She texted me twice on her onw i replied talked a bit then cut it , with the "i'm working we'll talk later".She said ok and that was it.That happened twice.Funny thing is after the second time we talked she went to my intagram account and like EVERYTHING. As well as liking my whole facebook page.Even posts about my favorite team (Liverpool).After that she stopped.Everything.No word , no likes , no nothing.I sent her a text. She likes Minions.i text "Hi , how are you? Saw that the minions movie is still in theaters and it reminded me of when we saw despicable me 2 together We never did see the Minions movie " .She saw it , never replied. That's when i said to myself "Screw that " . Tried to erase her , had fun with some friends talked about it with a friend who's closing in on 30 , she told me "she's confused , don't talk to her let her come to you , say nothing." After a few days she texts me , "hey i wanna buy some shoes through paypal can you help me?". Her paypal doesnt work.I help her , we talk a bit , i tell her "hey , can i see the shoes? " , "sure! ", she text a pic ,"theyre very nice!" .I am a programmer , i makes apps for a living so i take the opportunity to tell her "Hey , i'm working on an app , care to try it when i finish it? " she says "sure". thats when we cut the conversation.A few days later she sends me "They lasted till today , the roses." follow by a facebook sticker with a cute creature carrying a rose.I reply "great! " .That's it.She comes back to my town "thats where she lives she just studies in the other town" . Never says "hi im here" or anything , i find it through a mutual friends check-in. Then a few days later she texts me , "hey i wanna buy a game on steam through paypal , can you help?". She isnt a gamer. All the games she played were so we could play together.We make a skype call , i help her. I ask her , how come you wanna buy a game on steam? She replies i played some SpeedRunners ( the game we used to play together) , and i found some other game i liked , so now that im here in (our town) , i'm gonna play a bit.I buy it for her (with her own money of course , both times) , and thats that.Next day i get curious , try to see what game she bought.She had bought payday 2 , a game i was playing with a friend before we broke up , and she knew that we were playing that.Iwas thinking in all my glorious foolishness , "maybe she bought it so we could play together." the idiotic thought i had.Anyways.That day i see her logging in and out constantly , thought , "is she trying to get me to notice or something? " . Next day , she texts me "hey can you help me with something? " . We make another skype call (after i tell her i was busy and needed half an hour) , she tells me Payday 2 isnt working for her and if i could help.I hear her a bit shy , i tell her "Her name , do you think i suddenly hate you? " , she replies , "i don't know" , i say "please did you really think i suddenly became a bad person? if you need help i'll be glad to give it" .Saw she had a call with her guy friends from the place she studies called Payday 2 , i realized she bought it to play with them.she didnt want to play with me before , but now she wants to with them.One of them called her, so i say "if you want to talk to your boyfriend, thats fine". she says " i dont have a boyfriend" , i reply " ok just saying".We have some laughs (she couldnt find the file explorer on windows xD) , she thanks me , i say no problem , we tak a bit about her finally getting her drivers license , it's all good.Until i break , and say "Hey wanna go for coffee sometime? As friends. " ,she replies "Sure i dont mind", "You dont mind or you want?" , "I want , but next days are full so i dont know if i can" , "Ok well talk again organize it. ". We say our goodbyes and thats that.I heard her voice 2 times those 4 days. I broke. I started thinking about her , dreaming about her , my mind was slowly breaking , the laughs we had during that last call brought back so many memories.I talked to some friends decided to cut her for good , unfollow on facebook and everything.She wished me merry christmas but with a weird message saying (happy holidays , merry xmas) , a phrase which is weird for her to use.I go out for christmas , next day (the 26th) i go to my friends house so we can go out with some other friends.He doesnt have her unfollowed. And i see it , a selfie of her and some guy (taken by the guy) , of them having gone out for drinks. Alone. And her profile pic changed.That just added to the pain, because it was a profile pic of her with the same clothes as the photo with that guy.The day before i spoke with another mutual friend who frequently speaks to her. He entrusted me with this.(These are his words)She told me "If i am to ever get back together with Jake, things need to be right" (thats what he said). I have no idea what she meant.She told him that i didnt understand her , but how can you understand someone when they dont speak to you about their worries and their problems?. Anyways yesterday is the day i saw her pic with that guy.I still love her.., though i am making progress.I really got out of my shell to share this one so please guys show some love <3Should i go NC and never speak again ,only if she approaches me?I mean , i've done everything i can...
goldway90 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Her paypal isn't working, she can email the paypal support and they'll help her fix it.The game isn't working Google is her friend. Stop being there every time, you're not her servant come on. You are in the friendzone atm and i don't see a way out for you if you keep doing things for her. Don't BS yourself, you're not making any progress you jumb ship the moment she sent you a message. Next time she ask for a favor be polite and tell her you're busy or something. Go NC( No calls, No texts, No fb stalking), maybe go on few dates and enjoy the company of the ladies out there, if she wants you back she'll know what to do. Sorry if i sound a bit harsh on you.
d0nnivain Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 After 3.5 years & being away from home studying, for her your romance has run it's course. She found somebody else she wants to date. You need to cut ties with her for a while. It's unfair of her to keep asking for your help and you don't need to see pictures of her with another guy.
Author Jacob1939 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 no i get it.Just out of curiosity if she sends me for a happoy new year should i reply? I think i shouldn't...
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Do what you want, but understand every time you respond to her, it delays your own healing.
Author Jacob1939 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 What i dont understand is 1 month before we broke up (the last few days before she went to where she goes to university) , she made me a birthday present.It was a board game we loved to play together , and she wrote all over it , "i love you" and "play it and remember me " hearts etc.And after 1 month this happens.What i can relate it to is , i was her first long and commited relationship.And she and her friends went all "youre only 21 , you have your whole life ahead of you" , etc. I dont even know , cant even make sense of this when i think about it
NopeNah Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 What i dont understand is 1 month before we broke up (the last few days before she went to where she goes to university) , she made me a birthday present.It was a board game we loved to play together , and she wrote all over it , "i love you" and "play it and remember me " hearts etc.And after 1 month this happens.What i can relate it to is , i was her first long and commited relationship.And she and her friends went all "youre only 21 , you have your whole life ahead of you" , etc. I dont even know , cant even make sense of this when i think about it I learned a long time ago that a persons feelings can change at the drop of a hat. At the time she made you that game she had a different view of you and her. Now that view has changed.
Author Jacob1939 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 would it be too hopeful to think it can change again?
Draper Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 would it be too hopeful to think it can change again? Yes, because let's say they do change again. Let's say she comes back to you. What happens when they change again? I can't tell you why they say and do the things that they do, mine was telling my how much she loved me and giving me gifts with our initials and crap just the week before she left. Honestly I just believe the people like that are too immature for a relationship at this point and they flip flop around because they have no idea what the hell they want/are doing. In any case, she left. I don't think you should ever take someone back who leaves because you know that someone out there will make you their first and only choice, where as perhaps just another guy to this girl. Sorry that's not what you want to here, just don't want to see you chasing after someone who already hurt you as it can only lead to more hurt.
goldway90 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 would it be too hopeful to think it can change again? Even if you get her back i don't think you'll be able to keep her because you act needy, do everything for her, fix her broken things. You act like a friend and not a lover.
Author Jacob1939 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Posted December 31, 2015 Maybe , after we broke up , but i'm gonna go no contact indefinitely , i tried whatever i could , it's her part to play right now.In the relationship i dont think this counts as weakness.She has a problem you help her , whats wrong with that.What i did was stupid i know
goldway90 Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 Maybe , after we broke up , but i'm gonna go no contact indefinitely , i tried whatever i could , it's her part to play right now.In the relationship i dont think this counts as weakness.She has a problem you help her , whats wrong with that.What i did was stupid i know It's not your job to help, she knows you love her that's why she kept asking for favors and you on the other side think " oh maybe if she could see how much i care, how i'm fixing her problems she'll fall in love with me again, i'm such a nice guy...." That's weakness because you're turning her off.
Author Jacob1939 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Posted January 4, 2016 (edited) We saw each other.At my call.Im going into indefinite NC.I saw she still loves me and wants me but shes fighting it for some reason.I dont know what to do.Its beyond me.If she'll come around , great , if she wont , too bad.For her.I told her i dont want friends , i either am her bf or no deal.Told her if she changes her mind she know where to look.Also i told her that my life will keep on going fine , i just wanted her to be a part of it.Thats what i told her.Now if i'll be there i dont know.And i dont think she deserves it much anymore.But anyway , if it'll work out it'll work out , but she has to do it.Power to us all , and may she be happy and find what she's looking for.Wish her the best wholeheartedly. Edited January 4, 2016 by Jacob1939
goldway90 Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I saw she still loves me and wants me but shes fighting it for some reason. You project your own high interest level onto her, don't bs yourself .She's not fighting her love for you, she's not interested in you this is why you were stuck in the friendzone. Think about it if woman loves you she"ll be with you, she won't make excuses.
Been Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 She's using you. And you make it so obvious how much you want her that you put everything under the microscope she does. And I know you can't help it. Everyone's been there. Take sometime to yourself. Don't contact her for anything. It's going to hurt but in time it won't. But the way your going your grabbing at straws right now. Nobody knows if one day you'll get back together but right now your not. You can either dwell on the past or better yourself.
gasbagy Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Even if you get her back i don't think you'll be able to keep her because you act needy, do everything for her, fix her broken things. You act like a friend and not a lover. And how does one act like a lover? A lover isn't supposed to do this for his other half???
phenix Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Do you really want to be with a girl that dumped you and that you had to chase? Don't think so. You're wasting your time with this girl. It's time to reject the rejecter.
goldway90 Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 And how does one act like a lover? A lover isn't supposed to do this for his other half??? Fixing paypal problems isn't your job as a lover, they have online support. They aren't even going out on dates just texting, with her asking him for favor! now tell me is that what a lover would do? If a woman loves you( interested in you) she'll make it easy, you'll both have fun with each other with no need to chase. You'll spend more time in bed than just her texting asking you to fix her broken door lol
Author Jacob1939 Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 I know i may project my own feelings on her but she did hint that she missed me.I told her that i just wanted to see her and that i missed her and though she didnt say anything at first she tells me "Saying that i miss you , wont help anyone". What i got from that is that she did miss me , but has absolutely decided we cant be together.Whatever the case , i find it ironic that the path to forgetting about her and the path to (maybe) getting her back are the same.I know that i have to forget her and move on , and thats what im trying to do.Time will tell if it will ever work again.But im thinking so much about her , and i dont know how to distract myself.Gym , video games, work , even going out with friends and i get sudden popups of her in my mind , that i dont know what to do about.Right now i want her , but i know i have to move on and if it'll work out , it will. But how can i keep my mind away from her?
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