mkstrehl Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 Hey, I've been seeing this guy for 7 months. He is bipolar and goes through depressive stages. Last time he went through one of these, he broke up with because I pushed knowing what was wrong (this was before I knew about the bipolar). We got back together when he came out of it. He recently went into a depressive state and again, not realizing he was in it, I pushed him to find out what was wrong. Two days ago, he said he wanted to break up because he just wants his alone time. I talked to him and he agreed to give it two more weeks to see if we could fix this problem. When I left, I told him I loved him (we say it all the time) and he just said "Do I really have to say that?" then reluctantly said it. What do I do and is it worth trying? Do I just give him his space? Disappear for a few day? We aren't seeing each other at all right now, just an occasional text always started by me. He still won't respond to any "I love you" texts. By worth it, I mean can it be fixed? I love him like crazy and when he isn't in these depressive episodes, he really loves me. He starts doubting us when he gets depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 What a waste of your energy. Let me ask you something. Are you emotionally healthy? Do you have any depression or mental disorders? If you are mentally sound, then do not spend your time trying to coddle someone who is mentally messed up. Find a "normal" partner. Otherwise this dude will drag you down. Break up with him. His issues are not your issues. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 Depression can be controlled with medication & a good therapist. However, it's never cured. He will always struggle with it. If you don't want to deal get out now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mkstrehl Posted November 19, 2015 Author Share Posted November 19, 2015 I actually suffer from stress-induced depression (medically diagnosed) and I go on medication for it. Being someone who is 'mentally messed up', I'd hate if someone left me just because I couldn't deal with life for a few weeks. We all need someone, just because we struggle with depression or bipolar doesn't mean we don't deserve love. I'm willing to stick with it. It can hurt but I've been there. I guess my question isn't about the bipolar, it's about the two weeks thing. Would a guy agree to stay in a relationship to placate someone and just count down the days until the 2 weeks? Or does he actually want to see if I can give him the space and fix this relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 Depending on how severe his depression is he may not have the energy to care or the ability to make a decision. In the throws of the worst of my depression I couldn't even muster the emotional energy to dress myself. The thought of even having to select what jeans to put on was overwhelming. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mkstrehl Posted November 19, 2015 Author Share Posted November 19, 2015 In your experience with depression, when you come out of it do things get better? Does my pressuring him make it last longer? I've had depression but males and females deal with it a lot differently. Should I just leave it be? Disappear for a while? (I don't mean disappear, but just not contact him until he is ready to contact me). I just want some advice and it helps because you've dealt with depression too. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 I was in a funk for about 4 years. My husband didn't push. Anybody who wanted me to talk about it besides my therapist got pushed out of my life. I could not have tolerated what I would have viewed as interference from somebody I'd only been dating for 7 months but I also would have ended the relationship because I would not have had the energy to date. If you are happy putting the ball firmly in his court -- call me when you are up to it -- and sitting on your hands, that's one thing. If I were you, I wouldn't like that because it would be too much limbo. But if I were him, you asking for more than that would not have been something I could have given. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mkstrehl Posted November 19, 2015 Author Share Posted November 19, 2015 Thanks for the insight. I don't know if that is something I can do but hearing it from someone else who has experience being on the other end definitely helps it make more sense. I guess it's something I have to decide if I can put up in the long term if we do make it through this. I've talked to a friend of his and she told me he's been like this for as long as she's known him (years) he usually goes through 3-4 weeks of being withdrawn. I'm hoping we can make it through that. It's probably been extended by the fact that I've pushed him. The last text I sent him was this morning. I told him that I love him even when we are fighting. I told him that I understand that he is going through something and that I'm going to give him his space but that I'm here when he's ready. I put my phone away and am going to not contact him. I guess this is the test. If I can't do it then we shouldn't be together. Because this wont be the only time this happens. I hope your depression is getting better. I know how hard it is to deal with that. Link to post Share on other sites
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