Do 2nd chances ever work

[confusedmandi]

I was dating this guy about a year ago, right after I got divorced. He seemed too good to be true at the time. Real gentleman, would do anything for me. Was always doing all these sweet things. Good in bed, easy to talk to. A lot of fun. He had just ended a relationship and I was getting divorced and he was still hung up on his ex I came to find out. We dated for three months and he went thru my phone and found a guy texted me something inappropriate but I didn't respond, wasn't interested in the guy, would have never flirted back or cheated on him. But he flipped out on me said he couldn't trust me and broke things off. I thought his reaction was little extreme because the whole time he always said how happy he was. But then a week later I found out he and his ex reunited and I never spoke to him again. Til recently when he called me to apologize for what happened back then. he said he was devastated that he lost trust in me and just couldn't go on with the relationship and got back with his ex as a rebound. Apparently he is a guy who doesn't want to be alone.

 

When he called me recently I resisted. I'm was long over him. But always kind of wondered "what might have been.." So we decided to give it another shot. This time I am very guarded. He wants to spend ALL of his free time with me, wants to be together as much as possible. Wants me and my children to spend nights at his house, do things with his kids etc. Its very overwhelming. He's not really the same guy he was a year ago. And I'm not the same girl either (we are both in our 30's) . I'm bitter over the losers I've encountered who have hurt me and he's hurt by his ex (the one he left me for) because he hurt him. so neither of us should probably be dating right now. Do 2nd chances ever work out? Should I stick it out and see what happens or cut him lose? I've never given anyone a 2nd chance and never would if someone cheated on me. He didn't cheat on me. I'm positive of that. But he did leave me suddenly over some bs excuse to get back with his ex. I'm afraid he might do it again...

[xpaperxcutx]

Don't you think it's kind of weird that he's bouncing from you to the ex, to you again?

 

 

His behavior and actions does make it seem that he cannot stand being alone, and are using you and the ex as a crutch.

 

 

I would hold off on any intimacy until you are absolutely comfortable.

 

 

You can open yourself to vulnerability to love again but how he just came back out of nowhere to try again is not something you should take lightly.

[Frogwife]

Ugh, I'm all for love, taking risks, second chances, etc... but this guy (and this relationship) has red flags coming out its ears... first off, neither of you likes to be alone, since you both jumped from relationships (your divorce wasn't even final when you started dating this guy) and you should not be involving your kids in this drama... I would have been ill if my mother had me spending the night at some "boyfriend's" house with her. Yuck.

 

Oh, and I am glad he could "trust you again" after SNOOPING through your phone.

 

You say you are bitter over all the losers that have hurt you? Well stop picking losers! Take some time to be alone, understand why you seem to pick losers (maybe ignoring major red flags like this in the early stages of dating?) and take care of your kids. They just lost a family unit - they don't need boyfriend drama or their mother's attention diverted anywhere else.