terlaughs Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I posted on here a while back about a guy I was seeing over the summer.. friend of a friend.. he's 33, and before dating me for a couple of months, never had a girlfriend. He has a very sarcastic and rigid personality type.. very much a logical thinker. He came on very strong though (which didn't strike me as logical) but I went with it and developed strong feelings for him.. Then our schedules got crazy with vacation/trips and the relationship ultimately died out. When we broke up, he said the doubts were eating at him, but that he cared about me and wanted to continue things. I said forget it.. as I felt emotional Nd hurt by his words and he seemed very calm and no chalant.. We see each other once a week at rec sports and probably won't at all for a while once out season ends.. However, I do catch him looking over at me and trying to get in my conversational circle from time to time. We've gone no contact for 2 months and then he reached out saying he still had some things of mine.. We got talking and he said he was a mess but didn't say why.. could just be general comment. He acts like I hate him for how he acted, but assured him I didn't (not worth it).. Just confused because I still have feelings there even though I know logically he was right in that breaking up was probably best (especially if he was going to be do rigid all the time).. My question is do these analytical personality types have no emotion or are they just better at separating the 2? He totally could've lost interest, it just didn't feel like that was the reason why we ended.. Do these guys ever have resurfacing emotions or is it out of sight out of mind? Link to post Share on other sites
dclan Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Emotions are not logical. Has nothing to do with being a logical person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 it is possible to have two sides......meshing two sides is tough...... as the other poster said emotions are not logic.....more intuitive.....to fit a situation or place or time...... emotions can be understandable but often not logical..... when you said he feels like you should hate him......thats a guilt thing....guilt is an emotion......a feeling...he just uses logic more.and struggles with emotion.....most guys actually do just like we do...deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author terlaughs Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 right.. I guess I should've mentioned that when we were together he was very stoic and not emotional with me.. never gave any complements or said how he felt about me really.. so wasn't sure if he ever really cared all that much to begin with, but deep down I thought he did- just not his personality type to be that way. When we were disagreeing towards the end I didn't get the feeling he was pushing for it to work.. he also invited me to Europe for a wedding and to meet his family only 1 month in, so thought he was head over heels.. didn't understand how that could just stop. Link to post Share on other sites
dclan Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) right.. I guess I should've mentioned that when we were together he was very stoic and not emotional with me.. never gave any complements or said how he felt about me really.. so wasn't sure if he ever really cared all that much to begin with, but deep down I thought he did- just not his personality type to be that way. When we were disagreeing towards the end I didn't get the feeling he was pushing for it to work.. he also invited me to Europe for a wedding and to meet his family only 1 month in, so thought he was head over heels.. didn't understand how that could just stop. Well all that is very helpfull information that has absolutely nothing to do with the question you asked - If he didn't care about you to begin with, it doesn't matter if he is a logical, emotional, stupid, genius, etc. individual, cause he didn't care. - If he is a logical person, and cared about you, doesn't matter cause emotions have nothing to do with logic. To me he seems just like a "loner", not expressing his feelings, always acting "cool", like a goth music rockstar. Thats how he acts, not what he is. That is his mask. And I know this because I'm exactly the way you described your ex, and trust me, on the inside, I'm just as sensitive as everyone else. (in fact the stupid reply I just posted, is filled with self absorbed, distant and emotionally disturbed words, that when placed properly together, sound like really good philosiphical advise.) But shhhh, chicks love it. Edited November 1, 2014 by dclan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Well all that is very helpfull information that has absolutely nothing to do with the question you asked - If he didn't care about you to begin with, it doesn't matter if he is a logical, emotional, stupid, genius, etc. individual, cause he didn't care. - If he is a logical person, and cared about you, doesn't matter cause emotions have nothing to do with logic. To me he seems just like a "loner", not expressing his feelings, always acting "cool", like a goth music rockstar. Thats how he acts, not what he is. That is his mask. And I know this because I'm exactly the way you described your ex, and trust me, on the inside, I'm just as sensitive as everyone else. (in fact the stupid reply I just posted, is filled with self absorbed, distant and emotionally disturbed words, that when placed properly together, sound like really good philosiphical advise.) But shhhh, chicks love it. lol....sense of humor chicks love.....do you hide that sense of humor often....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author terlaughs Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 hahaha that's funny. yea I def thought he cared. almost that he was in love with me- but I could've misinterpreted. he is a loner but came on really strong with me, told all of his friends we have in common he really liked me, etc. just didn't seem open to the realities of the relationship.. hence why I was curious how he felt after the fact since I, oddly enough, care about him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 hahaha that's funny. yea I def thought he cared. almost that he was in love with me- but I could've misinterpreted. he is a loner but came on really strong with me, told all of his friends we have in common he really liked me, etc. just didn't seem open to the realities of the relationship.. hence why I was curious how he felt after the fact since I, oddly enough, care about him. dont give up is what i would advise...people give up all the time and you will be probably advised here by other posters to give up....follow your heart..i wish you happiness in life and love........deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author terlaughs Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 Thanks! I'd hate to just write it off but I feel I have to... ? Not too toot my own horn but I'm a good catch! pretty nice good sense of humor... I guess just not the right person for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author terlaughs Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 Also- when I say he's a logical thinker I mean his personality is more analytical- sure he feels.. clearly he feels guilt.. I'm sure he felt annoyed if we didn't agree on something.. but he never really showed affection.. doesn't mean he didn't feel it, but I remember him saying he thought I was out of his league and was nervous to call me for the first time. just threw me. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Perhaps you should read about attachment styles, especially about the dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant. See for example Save Your Marriage By Understanding Your Attachment Style Link to post Share on other sites
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