mapofyourhead Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 (edited) I'm posting mostly to vent... I know there's not much to say about my situation, but if anyone has any comments, I would love to read them. The ex and I dated for about a year initially. Things were pretty great. We were each other's best friends and worked very well as a couple. Long story short, I broke up with him because he didn't love me and he felt that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship/commitment. Five months later, he contacts me out of the blue. I'm skeptical but we meet up to talk. He spills his guts about how he did love me, apologizing for hurting me, wants to do things better this time around, could see himself marrying me, etc. I'm convinced a second chance is feasible and we end up getting back together. Things are fantastic for a month and I'm hopeful things will last. But then he starts feeling depressed about some ongoing health problems, and stressed from work and school. I stick by him despite the negative effects his problems/stress have on us (he is tired all the time, lack of sex, eventually very little affection), and am as supportive as possible, but the relationship becomes another stressor for him because he doesn't feel like he's being a good boyfriend. In the end, he felt overwhelmed with the things going on his life and didn't feel that he could handle a relationship even though he still felt very strongly for me. Maybe he did mean all the things he said before we got back together, but he agreed that he wasn't upholding his end of the bargain. I honestly felt like I did everything I could to keep things going, but once I realized he was thinking about breaking up again and wasn't fighting for it like I was, I broke up with him because I don't need to deal with this (again). I don't even really know how to feel. I feel like I should be hurting a lot but I just feel kind of numb and mostly pissed that it went down this way. I guess the last month hadn't been that great and I was starting to feel emotionally distant anyway, plus I've been through this before (and it was so much worse, and I got through it okay in the end). I'm really disappointed that things didn't work out but it's probably for the better. If you read this far, thank you, it helps to write it down somewhere and know that other people have read it... Edited October 26, 2014 by mapofyourhead Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Tell me about it. My ex came crawling back with all kinds of promises so I gave it another try but a month later he blew it. SMH Oh well. They are just juveniles who have sooo much growing up to do. Best to just let them go. By the way, all that is just a cop out on his part. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mapofyourhead Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 Ugh, sorry you had to experience the same thing! But you're right, we're better off. It's nice to hear someone flat out say that he's copping out. Link to post Share on other sites
intricate Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 All relationships have ups and downs, glorious peak mountains and deep depressing valleys, good times and bad times. I'm not saying this to be mean but you're not the woman for him if all it takes is him experiencing depression over health issues that you wanted out immediately. How do you know he wanted to break up? Sometimes, illnesses can affect how someone acts around a partner and he couldn't be as romantic as he could due to his own stressful experiences that have nothing to do with you. You said you dumped him because you felt like he didn't loved you and he didn't want anything serious. Did he told you these things or did you just assumed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mapofyourhead Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 Hi intricate, The first time, he told me that he didn't love me and he said he realized he wasn't ready for anything serious after all. The second time, he told me that he couldn't handle a relationship and did not want one anymore. I know you're not trying to be mean, but on the contrary I was 100% supportive of him and his issues the entire time and never told him that I wanted out. I was well aware that he was feeling pretty bad because of his health issues, but I told him that I wanted to stay together and be there for him and we could get through it. Unfortunately, he didn't feel the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kaiten Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Gonna have to agree with mapofyourhead here. As a man who knows what he wants, let me just say that there is nothing more desirable and powerful than a woman who is 100% supportive. It's also worth mentioning that I've been on the other side as well. I had a girl who was 100% supportive of me, when I myself was not mature enough for a relationship. This was 2 years ago. Every thing that Mapofyourhead said her ex proclaimed is exactly the same things I said. I felt myself wanting to break up with my ex, saying that I felt I wasn't being a good bf; saying that work/life was stressing me out too much to handle a relationship as well. But let me be clear: this was all 100% copping out. This was me not being able to handle my own inadequacies; the product of my own lack of self-esteem. These are just excuses. Now that I am old and wise I see that. During a storm, a mature man sees the value of a relationship. An immature man sees only dead weight. Which he is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dclan Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I'm posting mostly to vent... I know there's not much to say about my situation, but if anyone has any comments, I would love to read them. The ex and I dated for about a year initially. Things were pretty great. We were each other's best friends and worked very well as a couple. Long story short, I broke up with him because he didn't love me and he felt that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship/commitment. Five months later, he contacts me out of the blue. I'm skeptical but we meet up to talk. He spills his guts about how he did love me, apologizing for hurting me, wants to do things better this time around, could see himself marrying me, etc. I'm convinced a second chance is feasible and we end up getting back together. Things are fantastic for a month and I'm hopeful things will last. But then he starts feeling depressed about some ongoing health problems, and stressed from work and school. I stick by him despite the negative effects his problems/stress have on us (he is tired all the time, lack of sex, eventually very little affection), and am as supportive as possible, but the relationship becomes another stressor for him because he doesn't feel like he's being a good boyfriend. In the end, he felt overwhelmed with the things going on his life and didn't feel that he could handle a relationship even though he still felt very strongly for me. Maybe he did mean all the things he said before we got back together, but he agreed that he wasn't upholding his end of the bargain. I honestly felt like I did everything I could to keep things going, but once I realized he was thinking about breaking up again and wasn't fighting for it like I was, I broke up with him because I don't need to deal with this (again). I don't even really know how to feel. I feel like I should be hurting a lot but I just feel kind of numb and mostly pissed that it went down this way. I guess the last month hadn't been that great and I was starting to feel emotionally distant anyway, plus I've been through this before (and it was so much worse, and I got through it okay in the end). I'm really disappointed that things didn't work out but it's probably for the better. If you read this far, thank you, it helps to write it down somewhere and know that other people have read it... First he didn't love you, and broke up. He then regrett it and started missing you, so he wanted you back. I suppose he missed you, because you were a good girlfriend to him despite all of his problems. You guys get back, he still doesn't love you. A relationship is never a burden. It was a burden cause he still didn't love you. He wants to break up again. I think the reason you "don't know what you are feeling" is simple: you do care for him but most likely since the relationship failed twice, you know this can't really be love. Link to post Share on other sites
Colin John Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Goodluck to you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Colin John Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I would have done anything for my ex to give me that second chance, because i had broken up with her out of fear of commitment. We even started hanging out again and talking for a few months and things looked great for us but then she met someone and completely turned her back on me. We're not even talking now and all I want is to love her and marry her. Terrible feeling knowing you let go of someone you thought to be "the one". I know I have to move on now in order to have any hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mapofyourhead Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 Thanks for sharing, Kaiten. That helps me put more perspective on things. I'm sorry to hear that Colin. I can't imagine what that feels like but in my mind, if she were the one for you, then she wouldn't have turned her back on you so quickly (although I don't know the whole story so that's a snap judgement). I know that's probably no consolation right now but you will find someone better some day and you just have to keep moving on, one day at a time. Best of luck to you. You can do it! Link to post Share on other sites
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