Mixed signals from my ex. Looking for

[DCG17]

Hi everyone

 

This is my first post and i will try to keep it short but there are alot of details i want to include.

 

My ex gf broke up with me almost 2 months ago after we had gotten into an argument. It was over nothing really but the build up of arguments over the years(3 years together) finally got to her. She is dealing with alot of health issues and she is scared so she said she cant deal with the stress anymore and needs to get healthy again and im not supporting her or allowing her to do this with my behaviour and am just adding more stress. We had a great relationship together and bought a house together but i think lack of communication caused us to argue alot. She warned me many times that she was not happy with my behaviour and that i needed to change or she would leave but I would always agree to change and then not do it. I didnt really believe that I was doing anything wrong at the time. Now that she is gone I can totally see that i was very disrespectful to her, neglected her emotionally and physically, started fights over nothing and was generally a bad boyfriend. I finally realize what I have done wrong and have started getting help for my anxiety and anger issues and insecurities and she knows this and is happy for me.

 

Right after the breakup she told me there was no chance of ever getting back together and there is nothing i can do and were going to sell the house. I begged and pleaded with her which i know now was the wrong thing to do and it obviously didnt work so i stopped. After a week of not talking to her anymore i told her i was going to drop her stuff off and that I was going to buy her out of the house. She completely changed her attitude and wanted to talk all of a sudden. She said you need to give me time and space so that I can forgive you and maybe we can try again. So it went from no chance to being a chance the week later. After that we had limited contact and if i didnt hear from her i would start to freak out and text her which would only cause an argument. She told me that I havent respected her decision and request for space and that if i dont start then she will just be finished with me again.

 

I left her alone for a week but then got anxious and called her and we got into an argument again. She then said thats it you blew it im done for good. I reacted by saying Ive been nothing but nice to you I dont need this anymore so I will drop your stuff off tomorrow and have a cheque for you for the house in a few weeks. Once again she freaked out and called a million times and changed her attitude and said you really need to start listening to me if you want this to work. I need time and space to get over this and forgive you, after 3 years together im not going to be fine after only one or two months. I said ok i will stop trying to force things and give you your space but i would like to take you out for your birthday still so let me know.

 

After 6 days of NC(2 nights ago) she texted me to say that she doesnt want to go out for her birthday but if i still want to do something she will come over and asked if I can cook her favourite dinner for her which i thought was a good sign. We made the plans for this upcoming weekend. We got into another argument today about me wanting to talk to her all the time and not giving her space. I said well if you want to come over for dinner I thought you werent mad anymore so why cant we start talking again. She said everytime I give you something you try to jump in a relationship again and force it on me and try to take too much and your not giving me space or letting me just come see you or talk to you without talking about these things right now and she said this is your last warning or ill be done for good. You need to take things slow. she started crying and I apologized but we still have the dinner plans for Saturday.

 

Im sorry this ended up long but here are my questions:

 

It seems like she does want to come back eventually, she has mentioned alot of other things that make it seem that way and almost hint at it. I know shes still hurt though so am I just over reacting to everything? I think I might be trying to move too fast and it could be pushing her away and having to start all over every time.

 

Does it seem like I have a good chance of reconciling if I just leave her alone and let her come to me?

 

Thanks for the help I appreciate it

[tikay00]

NC, bro. Don't think of your situation as different. In most cases, it probably isn't. If she's not with you now, is that true love? Think about it. Take your feelings for her now, and ask yourself if you could just live day to day without her in your life? She obviously can at the moment, so that's not love.

[DCG17]

Thanks. Its tough cuz i treated he poorly so i want to make it right. I know she still loves me and cares but she is hurt. I habe noticed that when i leave her alone and dont act crazy that she starts warming up to me again but then i get excited and start trying to force it again which makes her mad. I feel like if i try one more time and respect the time that she asked for maybe she will continue to warm up to me again without me ruining it this time by trying to force it. Its happened 2 or 3 times now where she starts to warm up to me again but then i push her away by getting ahead of myself.

[tikay00]

Thanks. Its tough cuz i treated he poorly so i want to make it right. I know she still loves me and cares but she is hurt. I habe noticed that when i leave her alone and dont act crazy that she starts warming up to me again but then i get excited and start trying to force it again which makes her mad. I feel like if i try one more time and respect the time that she asked for maybe she will continue to warm up to me again without me ruining it this time by trying to force it. Its happened 2 or 3 times now where she starts to warm up to me again but then i push her away by getting ahead of myself.

 

That's the exact same situation with me, except I tried to do the build back trust thing, but it only lead me to obsess over her, and think about every text, and call, and that was only after 1 DAY.....lol. I was being way too clingy in just that 1 day. Mind you, I wasn't clingy at all during the relationship, but these situations drive you to it, and can sabotage any chance with the ex.

 

I told her NC. I told her in the nicest way possible, and had her understand from my point of view.

 

2 things I realized why I had to go cold turkey, NC.

 

1. Being too clingy/obsessive. Driving away her attraction towards me. I didn't sense it, because it was only 1 day, but I nipped it at the butt immediately, and I told her why. There was no way I was going to live day by day obsessing over whether we were progressing or if she was stringing me along. How the hell would I even go on through the day in a natural mind state? Way too much anxiety attached to that situation.

 

2. Potentially being strung along in the friend zone department. I'm not going to invest hours upon hours of my time to someone that might burn me in the end, and might find another guy, and say we can't talk anymore.

 

You might end up spending hours and hours of time that you could be using to improve yourself on a girl that might end up telling you, "I'm sorry, I've come to realize we really should stay friends." Think about how crushed you'd be after hearing that, and spending all those pain staking hours on her to try and win her back. It's scary.

Edited October 16, 2014 by tikay00

[Lightitup]

Hi DCG, what is it about her that makes you want to reconcile? (Serious question)

[tikay00]

And another thing. I've come to the conclusion through the NC thread that you can't just come back together with an ex that soon. Both of you guys have to have a clear head about the situation, and start a fresh relationship.

 

Think about it. Imagine being back with your ex, and you keep thinking about whether they were with anyone else. Whether they connected with anyone else. That's insane. It would drive you mad, and it would end up sabotaging the relationship.

 

Instead, I'd rather just detach from her now, and maybe later down the line, if she comes back with the "let's get back together" line, I can have more a clear head about it, and look at her as a fresh start.

 

BUT, in our situations, it does feel like we have to put in more of an effort than guys that were just dumped for another guy, or because they lost interest. Even though, that could be the case, we're in the boat of being the ones that caused heart ache during the relationship, so I'm always so torn on which way to go.

 

But, I've come to the conclusion that I REALLY can't handle the constant contact with my ex thing, without knowing 100% if this is a real second chance, or if this is a sneaky attempt at friend zoning me. Only way I can do this.

 

If you can handle being in constant contact, and not getting the emotions back, then all the power to you. I damn sure can't.

 

And also, refer to my first response to your thread. I keep thinking of that, and realize that she might love me still, but not enough to be in a relationship with me. Love isn't about having to work up to build their trust. That's some BS. Love doesn't have conditions. But I'm such a hypocrite, because I think, "maybe because I was the one that was majority of the time bad, maybe my case IS different." Then you gotta snap back to reality. Is she loved you as much as you love her, she'd be with you RIGHT NOW.

Edited October 16, 2014 by tikay00

[DCG17]

That's the exact same situation with me, except I tried to do the build back trust thing, but it only lead me to obsess over her, and think about every text, and call, and that was only after 1 DAY.....lol. I was being way too clingy in just that 1 day. Mind you, I wasn't clingy at all during the relationship, but these situations drive you to it, and can sabotage any chance with the ex.

 

I told her NC. I told her in the nicest way possible, and had her understand from my point of view.

 

2 things I realized why I had to go cold turkey, NC.

 

1. Being too clingy/obsessive. Driving away her attraction towards me. I didn't sense it, because it was only 1 day, but I nipped it at the butt immediately, and I told her why. There was no way I was going to live day by day obsessing over whether we were progressing or if she was stringing me along. How the hell would I even go on through the day in a natural mind state? Way too much anxiety attached to that situation.

 

2. Potentially being strung along in the friend zone department. I'm not going to invest hours upon hours of my time to someone that might burn me in the end, and might find another guy, and say we can't talk anymore.

 

You might end up spending hours and hours of time that you could be using to improve yourself on a girl that might end up telling you, "I'm sorry, I've come to realize we really should stay friends." Think about how crushed you'd be after hearing that, and spending all those pain staking hours on her to try and win her back. It's scary.

 

 

Ya thats true i would be devastated all over again. The thing with my ex is that she was sexually assaulted and doesnt trust men. It took alot for her to trust me and develop a bond/relationship with me but we got there. That is why she is so hurt right now i think. I let her down. I know she still loves me and cares but she is dealing with so much stress with her health issues (she is being tested for some serious issues and is slowly losing eyesight in one eye) so she is scared and doesnt want to deal with my bs on top of it. She told me she is not interested in other men and that she knows she cant tell me what to do right now but she hopes im not pursuing other women and can just give her some time. This is why i keep thinking maybe i should just chill out and wait and stop trying to force it on her and push her away. I guess i habe a decision to make. Part of me wants to do exactly what your saying and save myself the potential heartbreak. And the other part of me thinks that if i can just chill out and get control of my emotions that she will start to come back. She wants to come over for dinner this weekend for her birthday and see our cats and have me cook her favourite dinner. I feel like if i can just be nice and have fun with her and not bring anything up and just have a good time and keep my emotions in check and then go back to no contact then that will leave her with a positive feeling. Is that a bad idea you think?

[DCG17]

Hi DCG, what is it about her that makes you want to reconcile? (Serious question)

 

Hi lightitup. I want to reconcile because i made alot of mistakes and never admitted them and kept making them. I finally realize where i went wrong and what i was doing and am getting help for my issues. I am the one that hurt her multiple times and she never hurt me once she was great to me. We bought a house together and talked about marriage and kids together and i messed it up with my behaviour and mistreating her. I believe i can and will be better to her and i still want my future to be with her. I love her to death.

[tikay00]

Ya thats true i would be devastated all over again. The thing with my ex is that she was sexually assaulted and doesnt trust men. It took alot for her to trust me and develop a bond/relationship with me but we got there. That is why she is so hurt right now i think. I let her down. I know she still loves me and cares but she is dealing with so much stress with her health issues (she is being tested for some serious issues and is slowly losing eyesight in one eye) so she is scared and doesnt want to deal with my bs on top of it. She told me she is not interested in other men and that she knows she cant tell me what to do right now but she hopes im not pursuing other women and can just give her some time. This is why i keep thinking maybe i should just chill out and wait and stop trying to force it on her and push her away. I guess i habe a decision to make. Part of me wants to do exactly what your saying and save myself the potential heartbreak. And the other part of me thinks that if i can just chill out and get control of my emotions that she will start to come back. She wants to come over for dinner this weekend for her birthday and see our cats and have me cook her favourite dinner. I feel like if i can just be nice and have fun with her and not bring anything up and just have a good time and keep my emotions in check and then go back to no contact then that will leave her with a positive feeling. Is that a bad idea you think?

 

Man, you're leaving out so many important details! lol. Dude, I'd love to be in your position right now. This is pretty simple in my eyes. Do not pursuit any women, and give her a little space, with the occasional, "smile for me today" texts.

 

I'm always cautious when women say, "give me some time", but in your case, I honestly think it's a time, and stress issue. Not a breadcrumb/ego boost/other man issue.

 

Give her space and time, but also shoot her the occasional, "I'm still here, and care about you" texts.

 

BUT, keep your guard up, and look for the signs of stringing along, and bread crumbs.

 

And update us.

[DCG17]

And another thing. I've come to the conclusion through the NC thread that you can't just come back together with an ex that soon. Both of you guys have to have a clear head about the situation, and start a fresh relationship.

 

Think about it. Imagine being back with your ex, and you keep thinking about whether they were with anyone else. Whether they connected with anyone else. That's insane. It would drive you mad, and it would end up sabotaging the relationship.

 

Instead, I'd rather just detach from her now, and maybe later down the line, if she comes back with the "let's get back together" line, I can have more a clear head about it, and look at her as a fresh start.

 

BUT, in our situations, it does feel like we have to put in more of an effort than guys that were just dumped for another guy, or because they lost interest. Even though, that could be the case, we're in the boat of being the ones that caused heart ache during the relationship, so I'm always so torn on which way to go.

 

But, I've come to the conclusion that I REALLY can't handle the constant contact with my ex thing, without knowing 100% if this is a real second chance, or if this is a sneaky attempt at friend zoning me. Only way I can do this.

 

If you can handle being in constant contact, and not getting the emotions back, then all the power to you. I damn sure can't.

 

And also, refer to my first response to your thread. I keep thinking of that, and realize that she might love me still, but not enough to be in a relationship with me. Love isn't about having to work up to build their trust. That's some BS. Love doesn't have conditions. But I'm such a hypocrite, because I think, "maybe because I was the one that was majority of the time bad, maybe my case IS different." Then you gotta snap back to reality. Is she loved you as much as you love her, she'd be with you RIGHT NOW.

 

That is one of the things that she said. She said she needs to clear her head and that i should be too. She said she is proud of me for seeking counselling and happy for me. She said if we get back together that it will never work unkess we use this time to better ourselves before getting back together. She said she wants to take it slow and not move back in together right away and just focus on building a new relationship instead of rebuilding the old one. She is always honest with me so her saying these things makes me feel like there is hope if i stop acting crazy and do what she says and clear my head and better myself. I know it could be false hope but her always being honest with me even now that were broken up makes me believe she wants to see me actually change first.

[tikay00]

That is one of the things that she said. She said she needs to clear her head and that i should be too. She said she is proud of me for seeking counselling and happy for me. She said if we get back together that it will never work unkess we use this time to better ourselves before getting back together. She said she wants to take it slow and not move back in together right away and just focus on building a new relationship instead of rebuilding the old one. She is always honest with me so her saying these things makes me feel like there is hope if i stop acting crazy and do what she says and clear my head and better myself. I know it could be false hope but her always being honest with me even now that were broken up makes me believe she wants to see me actually change first.

 

Honestly, from the story you revealed, it doesn't sound like false hope. I think she's being honest with you. The eye problem is probably A LOT to deal with right now, and doesn't want you to stress her out, BUT, you'd think she'd want you in this time of hers.

 

Like I said, keep your guard up.

[Lightitup]

From an outside perspective, seeing how strongly you still feel and especially how difficult it is for you to control yourself, I'd recommend you focus on you and not her or figuring out how to get back together. You are still working on your issues that contributed to the breakup and should be focused 100% on becoming a better person for YOU, not HER. You aren't there yet and she can tell, she is clearly telling you that and trying to pace you. You are going in the right direction though.

 

Just because you treated her poorly doesn't mean you have to reconcile to find peace with that. If you've apologized for your behavior and she's accepted then move forward in your progress.

 

Also, you didn't list any specific qualities about her that makes you want to be with her so that could be something. Is it possible you aren't a good match and are hanging on because of codependency? All I read was that you regret your mistakes, were planning a future, and now you are facing the consequences of your behavior. If you loved her, why did you treat her poorly when she never hurt you? Some things to think about.

 

In short, if I were in your shoes I would let her know you need space as well to continue working on you. And let your actions speak for you. There is no rush, if she wants a future with you she will seek it out.

[DCG17]

Honestly, from the story you revealed, it doesn't sound like false hope. I think she's being honest with you. The eye problem is probably A LOT to deal with right now, and doesn't want you to stress her out, BUT, you'd think she'd want you in this time of hers.

 

Like I said, keep your guard up.

 

Well she doesnt want to talk about the relationship and the past because she gets upset. She wants space to forgive me and forget about the old relationship to be able to start a new one. She doesnt want me fully around right now because shes stressed to the max with this stuff but whenever she has an appointment or an update she calls to tell me immediately still and let me know everything because she knows I care. She doesnt speak with her family at all and onky has about 2 friends so i am still her biggest support and basically the only support she has. Everytime she comes to me i think oh hey shes not mad anymore i should bring up the topic of us and she gets mad. I realize i need to stop with that and just be there for her and support her right now and stop trying to force a relationship.

[DCG17]

From an outside perspective, seeing how strongly you still feel and especially how difficult it is for you to control yourself, I'd recommend you focus on you and not her or figuring out how to get back together. You are still working on your issues that contributed to the breakup and should be focused 100% on becoming a better person for YOU, not HER. You aren't there yet and she can tell, she is clearly telling you that and trying to pace you. You are going in the right direction though.

 

Just because you treated her poorly doesn't mean you have to reconcile to find peace with that. If you've apologized for your behavior and she's accepted then move forward in your progress.

 

Also, you didn't list any specific qualities about her that makes you want to be with her so that could be something. Is it possible you aren't a good match and are hanging on because of codependency? All I read was that you regret your mistakes, were planning a future, and now you are facing the consequences of your behavior. If you loved her, why did you treat her poorly when she never hurt you? Some things to think about.

 

In short, if I were in your shoes I would let her know you need space as well to continue working on you. And let your actions speak for you. There is no rush, if she wants a future with you she will seek it out.

 

I treated her poorly because i was unhappy with things in my life and just became miserable and neglected her. I was very selfish and only cared for myself and started drinking alot. I never did it intentionally but i also didnt realize how much i was hurting her. Ive fixed the issues now and can finally see what ive done. It is not a codependancy thing. We were awesome together for a long time. We always go on hikes and runs and stayed in shape together. Vacationed together. She helped me with my schoolwork if she could (im in university part time) i would help her with her work. She is just a very caring, passionate nice person and just an all around good person. We got along great and did everything together. She is my best friend. She is Absolutely gorgeous and would do absolutely anything in the world to make me happy and i want to do the same for her. I want her back to make it right because i love her and it worked for a long time until i messed it up. Not because of feeling alone or a hurt ego or codependancy.

[idoltree]

I think you need to be careful here. Yes, it sounds like reconciliation is not out of the question, but I would be hesitant to gain comfort in that.

 

Here's why: emptiness and loss are going to be very good things for both of you. I think you both need to feel that to ever be able to hit a "reset" button. Without time on your own, you cannot get insight into your contributions to what went wrong, and she can't get insight into her contributions. And without time on your own, you are liable to repeat negative patterns from the old relationship.

 

Right now, you are making changes for her, not for yourself. You need to go into the feeling of loss to really be able to change your ways for yourself. You need to feel those uncomfortable feelings of abandonment and work through them so that you know that you will be okay on your own. Otherwise you will keep looking to her as the solution to avoid those feelings of abandonment, and I think it is pretty clear at this point that behavior only reads as pressure to her and causes her to avoid and flee.

 

Additionally, dumpers generally take the dumpees for granted and are focused on their negative traits in order to justify staying away. This isn't true for all situations, but most of them. The dumpee's positive traits and positive contributions to the dumper's life are not noticed and not appreciated. The way to reverse this is to not stay faithful, caring and in contact with the dumper, it is to let them live in the absence of these qualities in order to give them perspective. (I would not share the information in this paragraph with her, because it can come off as manipulative. This is to be considered as just a bonus of spending time apart.)

 

I understand her birthday is coming up, and I'd urge you to keep those plans. But soon after (certainly not the day of!) I think you should seriously consider telling her that it will be good for the future if you take a break from one another. Make some ground rules - don't date others, and set a time when you'll reconnect and talk. It should not be considered a reconciliation date, just a time to talk about what you learned about yourselves.

 

This does not have to be unfriendly and contentious. View it as a loving gesture and a challenge. It is not abandonment, it is an investment in a future relationship.

 

There's a book that talks about this concept of using time apart to strengthen a relationship by facing grief and emptiness and improving yourselves as individuals: "Make Up, Don't Break Up" by Dr. Bonnie Weil

[BC1980]

The end of a relationship is difficult when you stay in contact. It becomes confusing for both parties. I will tell you what I have often seen and experienced. If you go NC, the dumper often reaches out because they miss you. They don't have any plans to reconcile. It's the fact that you are familiar, and they are trying to process the breakup as well. You don't see it that way because you project how you feel onto the dumper. You are in a different head space than her right now.

[DCG17]

So heres an update..

We got in another argument the night before she was going to fome for dinner. She seemed like she made plans to go out for her birthday with her girls so i kind of overreacted and said if youve made other plans then just go do that and stuff like that. She still wanted to come but i turned it into an argument. She told me" look this isnt a date were not together right now and your still trying to force a relationship on me and force me to talk. I will talk to you about everything when i am ready to but not now i am still mad and hurt". I started to calm down and agree i over reacted but she didn't want to come anymore. She said " you dont understand the reason i want space and you still havent given me any at all and are pushing me away by trying to force things. I will give you this one last chance before i am done for good..give me space and dont force this on me..i will talk to you when im ready this is your last warning" . I agreed and that is when i actually went to no contact and started doing what i should have this whole time and leave her alone. Shes a really fragile and emotional person and shes obviously still mad and upset. I have finally started to respect her boundaries and give her the space she wants. A few days went by and then we ended up talking she was skipping work because she was sad and upset so she texted me and then i phoned her to see if she was ok. The conversation was ok but during it, the space issue came up again. She said your starting to do better but you need to stop back tracking. Every time you make progress you ruin it. I took her saying that as if shes testing me to see if im actually trying to change and sort out my issues? I didnt mention that to her though. I said to her that im working on my anxiety but its still kind of there and i would have an easier time leaving you alone if we could maybe compromise and make a set time each week for a quick phone call. The constant wondering when ill hear from you makes me worry. She suggested how about i come over every friday after work or second friday so i can see the cats and me and you can talk and have dinner for an hour? I said ok perfect. So tomorrow will be the first time i see her and i plan on keeping my emotions in check and just being friendly. I think its a good opportunity to show her i can be calm and in control of myself and maybe rebuild trust and happy memories and then go back to NC til the following meeting unless she reaches out. I fear that seeing her weekly though might not give her the chance to miss me any thoughts? She says if we get back together it needs to be on her terms but it seems like shes willing to work with me a bit jf i dont act crazy lol...sorry about the lenght

[xUnknown]

Are you sure she meant tomorrow? In my mind if you agreed to do things on friday, but talked about things on Thursday, I would be assuming next friday.

 

Unless you two specified tomorrow, I would not get my hopes up that tomorrow is the first night. You just contacted her, give her some more space.

 

I would still stick around the house just in case she did imply Tomorrow, but if she doesn't show, don't text and be like "I though we were having dinner". It will only make you look worse.

 

Don't text her until next Thursday or Friday in regards to dinner. When that comes, make it short and quick "We still on for dinner tonight at 6:30?".

 

Don't respond to her if she reaches out during the next week. She asked for space, give it to her.

 

I still think you need to just go NC. You have to deal with this anxiety without her. Her knowing you get anxious when you don't hear from her is only stressing her out more.

[DCG17]

Are you sure she meant tomorrow? In my mind if you agreed to do things on friday, but talked about things on Thursday, I would be assuming next friday.

 

Unless you two specified tomorrow, I would not get my hopes up that tomorrow is the first night. You just contacted her, give her some more space.

 

I would still stick around the house just in case she did imply Tomorrow, but if she doesn't show, don't text and be like "I though we were having dinner". It will only make you look worse.

 

Don't text her until next Thursday or Friday in regards to dinner. When that comes, make it short and quick "We still on for dinner tonight at 6:30?".

 

Don't respond to her if she reaches out during the next week. She asked for space, give it to her.

 

I still think you need to just go NC. You have to deal with this anxiety without her. Her knowing you get anxious when you don't hear from her is only stressing her out more.

 

When i asked to make a compromise it didnt seem to stress her out at the time and i only suggested a quick weekly phone call. She went above that and suggested coming over every friday or second friday when she could and having dinner and talking. So i was surprised at because i only asked for a phone call it she took it a step further.

But i guess i wasnt really specific about the days of our conversations in my post..we agreed on the every friday thing last weekend so this is the first friday coming up. She texted me the other day saying i will leave work around 4:30 friday so ill be at the house around 5 so thats how i know shes coming tomorrow. I have left her alone since that conversation and havent spoken to her and im leaving it up to her to contact me tomorrow whether shes still coming or not but im sure she will be.

[xUnknown]

When i asked to make a compromise it didnt seem to stress her out at the time and i only suggested a quick weekly phone call. She went above that and suggested coming over every friday or second friday when she could and having dinner and talking. So i was surprised at because i only asked for a phone call it she took it a step further.

But i guess i wasnt really specific about the days of our conversations in my post..we agreed on the every friday thing last weekend so this is the first friday coming up. She texted me the other day saying i will leave work around 4:30 friday so ill be at the house around 5 so thats how i know shes coming tomorrow. I have left her alone since that conversation and havent spoken to her and im leaving it up to her to contact me tomorrow whether shes still coming or not but im sure she will be.

 

Okay, thanks for clearing that up.

 

I just didn't want you to reach out to her and question her about when it was, therefore not giving her the space she asked for.

[DCG17]

What do you think about her wanting space but then suggesting to come over once a week or so? I know she loves me but shes mad and hurt still and ive been still making her mad but yet shes willing to come over to talk. Is it a good opportunity to show her ive been working on things and am able to see her and not bring anything up and be in control of myself? Seems like it could be a good starting point if shes willing to keep coming back and we have a good time every time. Or do i need to wait longer and stick to nc after tomorrow and make her really think and miss me? Is it possible for her to start missing me while doing this agreement of NC except for the one weekly catch up meeting?