I really need some insight

[12yearsin]

So I have this ex. He broke up with me really suddenly awhile ago. It was not a mutual breakup in anyway. It is not what I wanted. Sometimes I wondered if it is what he wanted too because the man cried while doing it and insisted that he was in love with me but just was not ready. He always pushed for a close friendship but I could never really bring myself to do it. We would get close and inevitably push away from one another once it got too close. He'd complain every so often about not being closer and hanging out but I felt it was best to only let it go so far. A month ago he practically begged well he begged me to come to this really important event (he's an activist) he was having because he wants me to join the "group". I went because it seemed so important. All his friends that were there were so nice and heard all about me. Since then we have spent just about every day around one another (did I mention we also work together?) before and after work. I seriously wonder if he using this as a tool "back in". Thoughts?

[PhillyConnection23]

I would say he is using it as a well to get back in touch with you and reconnect.

 

Its probably something I would do.

 

Anyway, if you are OK with the situation then I would proceed with caution and see what his next moves are. If you aren't OK with it then I would back away and stop seeing him as much (or stop entirely). But if you have feelings for him and want something to work, whatever you do, do not sleep with him.

[No Limit]

Sounds like you're in an early stage of one of those "on and off relationships". They're pretty pointless and a waste of time, that guy obviously still doesn't have the guts to speak his mind after all this time.

 

I'd cease contact if I were you, but beside some confusion these types don't do much damage either, so it's your decision now.

[12yearsin]

@ philly

Great advice the group of us are supposed to take two trips together very soon and it seems like it will be a great time but I was wondering if the temptation would come up. If this is his way to try to get back together I would honestly wish he'd hurry up with it.

@ no limit

Great points but I can not cease contact we work together but I can try and pull back a little. I am just seriously in love with the guy I just want so something to happen already it's been two years of torture.

[12yearsin]

Well, we have hit a snag in our "friendship". The trip was wonderful! Every night he would text me how glad he was that I came (we did not share a room) and that we were getting closer. He has some serious complaints now though that that we are not "close enough". It so intriguing to me that he feels we do not have enough intimacy for two reasons. 1, I feel the same way and 2, friends don't usually have this feeling that the should be a lot closer. My gut instinct is to not get closer without the title of actually being together. We are both writers and he is so hurt that I have never shared anything I wrote with him. To me sharing that is basically standing nude and having sex with him. I have explained that but he still wants that closeness but still isn't saying we should actually date. This is the oddest situation I have ever been involved in my entire life. Everything screams in me that he is the one but we just are not there yet. We share a lot of mutual friends and they question a lot why the hell we are not together. What to do? Am I insane?

[BC1980]

Well, we have hit a snag in our "friendship". The trip was wonderful! Every night he would text me how glad he was that I came (we did not share a room) and that we were getting closer. He has some serious complaints now though that that we are not "close enough". It so intriguing to me that he feels we do not have enough intimacy for two reasons. 1, I feel the same way and 2, friends don't usually have this feeling that the should be a lot closer. My gut instinct is to not get closer without the title of actually being together. We are both writers and he is so hurt that I have never shared anything I wrote with him. To me sharing that is basically standing nude and having sex with him. I have explained that but he still wants that closeness but still isn't saying we should actually date. This is the oddest situation I have ever been involved in my entire life. Everything screams in me that he is the one but we just are not there yet. We share a lot of mutual friends and they question a lot why the hell we are not together. What to do? Am I insane?

 

I don't know if I would bother to try to figure this out. Instead, I would look at this actions and see that he is not interested in a relationship. He had made no mention of wanting to be in a relationship with you. I think someone else hit the nail on the head. This is one of those painful, off and on relationships. He's too scared to commit but too scared to completely leave. My ex was similar but not quite as odd as this setup. The only thing you are going to get from continued interaction with him is a headache.

[12yearsin]

Thank you for the insight. I see exactly where you are coming from. He is terrified to commit but even more scared to leave. Our lives have become so intermingled at this point. We see one another at work, our community outreach and socially. Something has to give. I honestly was hoping that eventually he'd hit a point where he can not take it any more and we just ended up back together, lol. This is so frustrating and we end up very frustrated at each other at this whole not "good enough friends" time and time again.