What does he want!

[vvv888]

Hi all,

 

I broke up with my ex of 7 months as we were arguing a lot for the last 2 months. It was not a very messy breakup but we had our share of arguments.

 

I broke up on 3 weeks ago on Saturday and he told he wanted to speak to me on Sunday but probably changed his mind and did not follow up on his request. I thought I should not push him if he changed his mind so I didn't do anything. The Monday after, he texted wanting his stuff back and canceled at the last minute, and we argued. I told him I did not want to see him yet so I dropped off his stuff in the mailbox and said goodbye. He said he wanted to speak to me. I told him I was upset that he kept saying that but never follow through so we argued again. I finally decided I wanted to let go so I sent him a goodbye email and he replied asking me he wanted to speak with me when the time is right. I did not reply to that and went NC for 11 days til I caved and sent this 2 days ago.

 

"Hey, I am sorry for the super late reply. I wanted to work on myself before writing back and messing things up again. I do want to speak with you too if you are keen." and I mentioned this joke we used to share (nostalgic moment that I regretted putting into the email). He has not replied yet.

 

I am so confused. I want him back but he just keeps saying he wants to speak with me "when the time is right" but never follow through. What does he want???

[Jiivy]

What does he want???

 

He doesn't really know.

 

Words words words! They guy can tell you he wants back all he likes, unless he actually does something about it - he won't. Ultimately you both have to want it and both have to work at it. If you've made your position clear, you've done your bit.

 

Most people will tell you here to walk away and not contact him. I'd agree - what do you gain from constantly chasing a guy who clearly isn't chasing you?

[vvv888]

That's true. In the back of my mind, I keep telling myself that. I know that there is no point chasing him when he isn't doing his part. It's just I dunno if I should regret the email, but it doesn't really matter now, does it? At the time, I thought I should make it clear that I do want him back but if he is not responding then I guess that's his answer.

[Jiivy]

There's no sense in regretting the past. Only learning from it. I think if you needed to tell him how you felt, then your email was absolutely the right thing for you to do.

 

Don't beat yourself up about it, nobody here is judging you - I'm certainly not. When my fiancée told me she's leaving me for someone else, the first thing I did was book a plane ticket to see her so I could win her back. Do I regret it? Not really...I wasn't going to walk away from 7 years without a fight.

 

Did it change anything? No. Apart from my bank balance I guess.

 

You are worth so much more than the way this guy treats you. Why should you determine your own happiness on the whim of another? I think you deserve better.

[vvv888]

Okay, so he replied with a very weird email. I can also detect some anger and trying to hurt me by pretending to forget about the old joke. How do I even react to that?

[Elle1975]

Okay, so he replied with a very weird email. I can also detect some anger and trying to hurt me by pretending to forget about the old joke. How do I even react to that?

 

Just forget about the whole thing, and move on. I wouldn't have caved in. Stay in NC.

[No Limit]

Okay, so he replied with a very weird email. I can also detect some anger and trying to hurt me by pretending to forget about the old joke. How do I even react to that?

 

Okay, then he's just trying to get you to follow down the path marked by breadcrumbs. Back to full NC.