End of a 3-year relationship; any help is greatly appreciated

[Soccer2928]

Hello everyone. First I would like to say thank you to anyone who reads my post, and thank you to all who hopefully respond; all of your help and advice will be greatly appreciated. Second, I apologize for the long length of my post, and hopefully it doesn't deter anyone from responding. My ex-girlfriend and I were together for three years, and we broke up a little over three months ago. We started dating in high school and attended colleges not far from each other so we were able to see each other every weekend. For a long time in our relationship we both thought that we were going to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. I know that I was an amazing boyfriend, and although I made a few mistakes (nothing serious), I was the only person in her life that truly did love and care about her. However, things between us became too comfortable and we began to take each other for granted. At the beginning of this summer, my ex decided to end things between us. She said that she still loved me but she wanted to experience new things and not be tied down to anyone in a relationship. Immediately after we broke up, my ex began dating but all of the guys she dated treated her horribly, and she ended up spending much of her summer at home. I was there for her the entire time as a friend, and even after she ended things with one of the jerks she dated, we got back together shortly. But this didn't last as she said that she felt we rushed back into things, and she wasn't ready for us to get back together. So we again broke up. For the first month after we broke up for a second time, I made all of the wrong moves: I begged her to come back to me even though she didn't want us to get back together, and I believe this pushed her away. However, once I stopped doing this, we were able to work on a friendship. Our friendship really didn't work too well, though, because there was still some jealousy and hurt on both of our parts, and we would often fluctuate from talking and not talking, being friends and not being friends. For instance, I would not be able to talk about girls without her getting extremely jealous, and her calling these girls names for no reason (It seems like she doesn't want to be with me but doesn't want me to be with anyone else), and this became a huge problem. Since we have been back at school, our friendship has completely deteriorated as she now doesn't have to spend her time by herself at home, and she now has people to hang out with. Well, I felt that after I was there for when no one else was, she was beginning to treat me not too well, and she was taking my friendship for granted as well. Recently I got into an argument with my ex about our relationship, and I basically ended things by sending her an e-mail. I told her that I believe she has changed as person, and that I was sick and tired of not being treated well, and that our friendship would never work. I told her that I would never be able to get over her if I kept talking to her, and I just wished that I could be over her like she seemed like she was with me. I thought that this was going to be the end of everything, and I actually felt fine about moving on. I blocked her from all of my internet communications and I took her numbers out of my phone. I really felt that I needed to do this in order to move on. Well for a few days, I was fine with everything but my ex called and apologized for everything. I told her that I was tired of being treated like this, and I again thought that this was the end of everything. However, she somehow found out that I had blocked her, and she created a new name and began talking to me on this name. I didn't want to be a complete jerk and ignore her, so I talked to her for a couple of days. She asked me how I was doing, about my "girls situation", and she was just being overly nice. After the couple of days I realized what I was doing, and I called her to let her know that I really couldn't do this anymore. She told me that she still wanted to be friends (even after I told her repeatedly that this wasn't possible), and that she still really liked talking to me. I asked her for the final time if she wanted us to get back together, and her answer was "No." The thing is, I think she was lying. I know that she still loves me, and it just seems odd to me that she would go through all of that trouble if she didn't want us to be together anymore, or at least didn't think that we would eventually get back together. I then ended things, and have since blocked her and all of her friends on my internet again. I just feel by doing this that she will see that I am moving on, and maybe she will think that she is losing me for good. I don't know where things are going to go from here, but if anyone has any advice or similar situations, it would be greatly appreciated.

[uriel]

Keep blocking her and avoiding contact with her. I know you loved this girl and that part of you probably always will. But, she's jerked you around and then some. Enough is enough. You do need to keep moving on. Eventually, you'll find a more mature girl who is able to maintain her focus. This girl is just too young -- she hasn't found herself yet and is acting out in hurtful ways because of it.

 

-- uriel

[sundrop]

The ending of your relationship sounds soooo familiar. My ex (after 2 years) and I tried to remain "friends" we argued about other guys and girls, whos names came up. I don't think you really can just be friends w/ an ex an listen to them talk about a significant other and not feel jelousy and get mad. My ex and tried it for two months, because I didn't want to loose him, we ended up fighting at least once a week about something stupid, and finally a few weeks ago, i had to say this isn't healthy. We were fighting like we never had before, while we were dating, during our two years we might have fought twice, had a few disagreement but nothing like the last two months. He broke u w/ me, so he continued his life like everything was sort of ok (he said he was sad w/out me) and I was trying to hang on and he was too, to some point. But I finally had to say in the end, this isn't good for either one of us. And hopefully at some point we can be friends or even back together, but He has asked for time to figure things out for himself and I hope that during his time he will realize, how special I was to him and how much I love him.

But right now I had to tell him I cannot be his "buddy".. My feelings are still to strong.

And also since we are no longer arguing, I feel better. I miss him sometimes at werid hours, but time does wonders.

Keep your head high, and look onward to better and brighter thigs, someone who will resect you and treat you like a king.