hejrjeu Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 My boyfriend of more than a year told me a few days ago (we were chatting on Facebook) that he no longer feels the same for me, he likes me a lot but more as a friend than a girlfriend. I told him that it feels like he never prioritzes me (always putting his friends first) and he said that he's been a bit depressed this fall and he doesn't have motivation to do things he should do, even though he finds them important. He feels like we are just very good friends. He said the falling-out-of-love-progress started during the summer and it's been up and down during the fall. I moved to study at uni in September so we've been long-distance since, we've seen each other every two weekends. He said that he doesn't know if his feelings have changed due to his depression, or if he's depressed because he's been thinking about his feelings for me. I asked him if he'd be less depressed if we broke up and he said "yes, at least as it is now, maybe not in the long run but you can't obviously know that". We agreed on taking a break (pretty much NC) of 2-3 months and see how it goes from there. I told him that I love him and I always will, one way or another, and he replied that however this ends he'll never stop caring about me and will also always love me one way or another. I am aware that it's possible that he's interested in someone else, I don't think he's cheated on me but I know he talks to some girls on Facebook. I don't mind him talking to other girls, I talk to other guys as well (platonically of course), but there's always that possibility of him becoming interested. He's always been secretive about his Facebook and is careful to log out when I'm using his computer, but he often uses Facebook while I'm watching and hasn't given me reasons to doubt him. He's been a bit distant lately, and I had noticed he was feeling a bit down but not asked him about it. But sometimes he's been really cute which makes me so confused. I slept at his place last week after some drinking and the morning after he was really cuddly and stuff. We had sex and spooned half-sleeping for hours afterward. We were watching TV about a week ago, he was laying on the sofa (I was sitting next to him) and he touched my arm signing he wanted me to lay next to him, and it was really sweet. The day we took the break (3 days ago), before the Facebook conversation, he was at my place, we had sex and cuddled and talked, he teased me like he always does (in a good way). It was no different than usual. Well he was a bit distant but not more than he's been many times before, so it still feels like he has some sort of romantical feelings for me. But it feels like his feelings for me have deteriorated pretty rapidly the last few weeks and the break thing came a bit too sudden, as it feels now I would've liked to discuss a bit more irl, but it is as it is now. I texted him happy new year (2 days after starting the break), and he replied back with the same thing. We have some major common interests and it feels like we've always been very good friends apart from being bf/gf. The infatutation stage left me a long time ago, and I love him as a friend, but also more than that. It has always felt like we are somewhat meant to be, as we fell in love with each other independently of one another; we were in the same class in high school, I had fallen in love with him but didn't have the guts to talk to him. He started talking to me on fb out of the blue and it turned out he liked me as well. We became a couple a few months later after both flirty and friendly chatting. His birthday is in a month and I'm planning to send him something small and inexpensive (I know a thing he needs that easily fits in the mail...) and maybe write a short letter, no lovey stuff but wishing him a happy birthday and stuff like that. Is that a good thing to do? I'm wondering if it's possible for him to regain his feelings or if there's anything that I could do to help the situation and make him fall back in love with me. Is it okay for me to initiate the first contact after the break? I've decided to live my own life, doing things I like not thinking too much about him these upcoming months and see how it goes when we start talking again. I'm not dependant on him in any way, but I really love him.
d0nnivain Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Depression colors somebody's whole world. It changes everything & you can't change it back for them. They have to do that themselves but it's hard. When depressed it's hard to connect to anybody. You can't make him fall back in love with you because nothing you did changed how he feels so you can't change it back. Some relationships don't survive life transitions, like when 1 person goes off to uni. 2
Author hejrjeu Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 but is it okay for me to send him something on his birthday? would that ruin something? and is it up to him to take the first step after the break?
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 You can send him whatever you want. It won't change anything. It won't cure his depression. He won't come back to you. Sorry.
thompkevin Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I agree with d0nnivain. There isn't anything you can do. Sending him a birthday gift won't really have any effect. Do it if it makes you feel any better. But there is really nothing you can do that will make him love you again unless he deals with his depression.
Author hejrjeu Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 thanks guys. I'm feeling a bit too optimistic, I think. I should just try to move on as good as I can during these months, there's nothing I can do except wait and see but I guess I shouldn't dwell too much on him either.
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