Beatrixx Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 My ex and I recently got back together. I love him very much and was shocked and upset when he told me he slept with about 10 women in one month while we were broken up. It said it upset him talking about it as he was depressed at the time so I acted like I wasn't bothered and told him I wouldn't mention it again. Keeping this bottled up is getting to me now. I know I shouldn't be upset because we weren't together during this time, but I can't help it. I never slept with anyone during our time apart. How do I deal with this? I'm struggling. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 10 women? Listen honey, divide it in half, then divide it in half again, and again, and again.............you get my drift? I'm a guy and we have a tendency to exaggerate just a bit. I think what he's doing is telling you this just to bolster himself so it looks like he was having a grand time while you were broke up and now he's back. Gee. Ain't you lucky. Call it BS. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 Chances are they were all drunken 1 night stands. The sex involved in those are never emotional. Try not to worry about it. When I had sex with other women during our break up it just wasn't the same. Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 Make sure you don't have sex with him for at least three to six months, which is the time it takes for a reliable HIV test. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MrE_UK Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 (edited) Hi, I think he is being cruel by saying that. However, if you've just got back together and nothing has changed, then you'll end up split up again. Just say, "Is that all!?!" ...and laugh. But you'll end up fighting the other as sounds like he wants dominance. Why do you feel hurt? Have you healed properly from your old relationship and got over it? If not, there can't be anything new and afresh - and unfortunately, it won't work. Picking up from where you left off is never a good idea...there's a good reason you split up, and that needs fixing first. And he has got to mature by the sounds of it!!! Edited August 24, 2013 by MrE_UK Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 As long as you guys weren't together, it shouldn't matter. 10 is a mighty high numbers. Sounds like he a. Paid escorts b. joined a sex club c. lying I promise you it is one of those. Link to post Share on other sites
happydate Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 My ex and I recently got back together. I love him very much and was shocked and upset when he told me he slept with about 10 women in one month while we were broken up. It said it upset him talking about it as he was depressed at the time so I acted like I wasn't bothered and told him I wouldn't mention it again. Keeping this bottled up is getting to me now. I know I shouldn't be upset because we weren't together during this time, but I can't help it. I never slept with anyone during our time apart. How do I deal with this? I'm struggling. You loved him more than he does you! There are a lot of women in swinger websites that a man could hook up for sex. One of the popular one is adultfriendfinder.com and it's not all that difficult to land a few chicks there cause it's a meat market FWB galore. But of course, these chicks are simply there to get sex with no emotional attachment and if you read their blogs, many of them are truly broken and they're good only for men who look for sex only. So he based his affection on you through sex. Think about that. He knows you love him, so that's his ticket to sex. He likes sex and he will base his relationship with you on sex and sex only. Unless you enjoy being someone else's cum bucket, then I suggest you thread the waters carefully. It's okay to start slow and fresh. Second chances is about resetting the relationship and find what he could bring into the relationship and yourself and not only dependent on sex. What happens after the honeymoon phase wore off? If you guys had nothing else to bring to the table, then he's going to vanish again or you'll dump him vice versa.. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 The truth is that men just don't view sex the same way women do. It took a long time for that to make sense to me, but it's just the way it is. I think men can shut out emotions with sex in a way women seem to have a harder time doing. I think we (women) equate sex with a commitment, and men just don't seem to always do that. Nothing wrong with the way men see it. It's just one of the differences between the sexes. Like others said, he's probably lying. I would act like I didn't care one bit. He probably said it to get some type of reaction from you, so it's best not to give any. Link to post Share on other sites
MrE_UK Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 The truth is that men just don't view sex the same way women do. It took a long time for that to make sense to me, but it's just the way it is. I think men can shut out emotions with sex in a way women seem to have a harder time doing. I think we (women) equate sex with a commitment, and men just don't seem to always do that. Nothing wrong with the way men see it. It's just one of the differences between the sexes. That's a massive generalisation! I've known women who can go out shagging two different men in a day, with strangers in pub toilets, etc.,. Believe me, women can be like this too, and some men can be sensitive and loving in the sack. Depends who they are, etc.,. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 That's a massive generalisation! I've known women who can go out shagging two different men in a day, with strangers in pub toilets, etc.,. Believe me, women can be like this too, and some men can be sensitive and loving in the sack. Depends who they are, etc.,. It is a generalization, but I do think there is truth to it based on my experiences. Some may disagree, but men and women are not the same. Anyway, I was using it to tell the OP that her ex sleeping around probably doesn't mean much in the way of emotions, as hard as that is for a woman to hear or understand. The bigger problem is going to be if she feels she can deal with him sleeping around or possibly fudging the numbers. That is something she will have to come to terms with. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 Did you dump him before? He's probably just trying to make a point that other women are interested in him and it's unlikely he slept with that many in that period of time. Also, did you ask or did he just offer it up? Don't ask if you cant handle the answer and if you don't ask he should have had the tact to keep that to himself. Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 10 is a lot in 1 month. That's an average of 1 new girl every 3 days. That's a pretty difficult pace to keep up. Maybe it's true, but maybe it's a slight exaggeration on his part. A possible reason he didn't want to talk about it was probably because you might ask for more details and he'd get caught in his little fib with lack of details? If it bothers you, let him go, there's no sense in starting the relationship feeling like this. Link to post Share on other sites
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