In an out of contact with first love. Does it sound like he is interested?

[kichelka]

I've made a post about him in the past and here I am again, needing advice.

 

We met when we were 20 and 21, it lasted about 5 years. I can't exactly say why we broke up, it was our first relationship and I was in a new city we had moved to and wasn't happy. He didn't want any contact so he could move on from me. I moved back to my home state while he traveled for 6 months only to return to that city we moved together to. (I should mention that I've been planning to move back within the next 6 months or so) So 2 years go by and he sends an email asking how I was. I didn't think I'd ever hear from him and at the time had a bf so I took a year to respond. We have since emailed each other a couple times a year (birthdays, Christmas and the occasional hello).

 

I am going to be visiting friends in the city he lives in next week, so I shot him an email asking if he'd like to meet up. It's been 6 years! He responded very cheerful saying "Hey ___! It'd be great to catch up! Let me know when you are here."

 

So as I was responding to the email, he sends me a gchat message and we chatted for about 15 minutes. It was very light, we don't go into big details, so I'm not sure his dating status. I am single, however.

 

I'm really looking forward to seeing him. We were best friends/first lovers, there was something with him I have yet to find with anyone else in these 6 years, and I've definitely tried! I've dated and had 2 serious relationships since, but there is still a part of me that thinks he was the one I could have been most happy with. I have changed for better over the years and all this time I have wished him the best in life. I truly want him to be happy.

 

He did ask me last year why I was contacting him. I said because I wanted to say hello and see how he was. He said that's why he contacted me too, just to say hi and no "agenda".

 

So I guess my question is, how can I tell based on our contact whether he wants it to be just friendly or whether it is more?

[kichelka]

Can someone offer some insight? Without bluntly asking him and risking embarrassment, does it seem like he is just being friendly or would an ex act this interested only if he still had lingering feelings?

 

I've gone over our emails and gchats over the past couple of years and he would do most of the reaching out. This past email he seems more excited than usual. He never greets me with a "Hey (my name)!". We would talk a day or so and then wait until a birthday or end of the year holiday. I did mention I was going there last year for thanksgiving, but didn't end up going. A week before the holiday, he emailed me and asked if I was still planning on visiting. Am I reading into this too much?

[inaya42]

well, it has been 6 years...

 

i would imagine that all it could be at this point is friendly. you won't know if there is a possibility of a rekindled romance or a deeper friendship if you don't meet up with him. either way, the stakes seem pretty low, and it doesn't seem that you will get hurt either way. why not just meet up with him as a long-lost friend who still cares deeply and take it from there?

[kichelka]

I am worried he doesn't have any romantic feelings for me and the reason he is so friendly is because he is completely over me. I have tried to move on and meet other people and put him out of my mind, but there are still those feelings deep down that I will never find a love that strong again.

 

I feel like I'm not good enough for him. As much as my friends say he is going to drool over me, I still worry he is going to have no romantic feelings for me. I guess I won't know until we meet. Has anyone gotten back together after 6 years?

[inaya42]

i don't know how healthy it would be for him to have active romantic feelings for you. i think after 6 years, if there is care, curiosity, and basic attraction, then those ingredients make it possible to get to know someone and see if there is more. it would be like a new dating scenario where you have to go through a period of pseudo-friendship and then decide how to proceed.

 

it does sound like you are too vulnerable to meet up with him though.

[kichelka]

I am vulnerable right now. I recently broke up with someone I was with for 5 months. He broke up with me. It was a very intense and passionate relationship, but he didn't think we were compatible and we weren't compared to my ex and I. So I am feeling rather low at the moment, being rejected by two men and wanting to still be with the first one -- or at least see if there is anything there.

 

I am a mess right now. Thanks for your replies. they're helpful.