How to convince to get a second chance??

[atonement]

I had a big crush on a guy during my High School. After much hesitations, I finally proposed him and he said yes and then we were together for almost 2 years. During those years, I had some serious career problems and always had the feeling that he did not love me, he only accepted my proposal because he was not going out with someone else. That was a time of high insecurity and frustration in me because of my falling career and I constantly felt that he did not love me. After I broke up with him, he tried to patch up for almost 6 months but at that time, I thought there is no chemistry between us because we fight alot. We had good moments as well but unfortunately we fought more.

 

Now it has been exactly 3 years after break up and I am unable to move on. It feels like I have lost interest in guys or something. Finally my family tried to set me up with a guy but I just did not get into that relation and finally broke it. I think something is wrong with me emotionally. I am just unable to see any other guy the way I used to see him.

 

The time I broke up with him, I was very sure that I will move on but after 3 years, I am practically incapable of moving on. Whenever I met a new guy (with the potential of hooking up), I start to feel being unfaithful. I know it is illogical but still I cannot change the way I feel at that time. I dont feel any attraction in any guy.

 

So I tried to get him back in my life but he was very angry and yelled at me about it "now you remember me after so many years and all that". Afterwards, his friend told me that he is got engaged with some girl in his family. When I knew it, I wrote him a last email and describe why I left him, what were my feelings at that time and what are now?

 

Guess what? He blocked me on all internet ids and did not reply to my email. Now I dont know what to do.

 

Help me Please.

[RR1]

You know i do know exactly how you feel, and i mean exactly. I lost the love of my life because of my stupid ass behaviour. It was my fault i can see that now but i can only see it because i've worked on myself and my problems and tried really hard to become a better person. When i broke up with my g/f i was coming out of the worst period of my life ever, i'd lost everything that meant something to me, my career, the last of my family that i had any contact with. I was on a very severe downward spiral and i was incapable of pulling myself out of it. The only bright spot on the whole ****ty horizon was my g/f who was also the best friend i'd ever had. She was there for me completely and unconditionally, i mean she was total 100% reliable when i needed someone. I knew when i needed someone she would never let me down. I didn't know how much it was possible to love someone until i met her, i loved her like i'd never loved anyone else in my entire life.

 

I f*~ked it up because i couldn't deal with my mental health problems. Looking back on it i was very unstable and i'm not surprised she moved on. If i'm honest anybody in their right mind would have moved on from me at that point. I was a liability and no good to anyone. I came close to ending my life on a couple of occasions but i think if i'm honest that was more frustration at not being able to deal with my problems than a serious desire not to live anymore. The health service in my country is very inefficient when it comes to dealing with mental health problems, unless you're at the stage of opening your veins with a razor blade it's pretty much you're on your own with this one. They'll dish out some pills and if they don't work they'll go all out with the radical approach of dishing out some different pills, guess what they do if they don't work? I think you get the picture. Fortunately i had the means to try some alternative types of therapy that have helped me turn my life around no end. If i hadn;t had the means to do so though i would probably still be at the same place i was before. Anyway, i realise i am getting slightly off point so i'll try and get back to the main area.

 

By the time i've turned my life around enough to consider being in the company of other people and even consider dating my ex g/f has moved on and she is seeing someone new. Now for a long time she wouldn't even contemplate talking to me, communication had ceased completely. I'd lost my g/f and my best friend. That was hard i gotta admit, to lose your g/f and your best friend in one go takes some beating in the kicking a man while he's down stakes. The great thing now is that we are at least friends again now, we talk on a regular basis, we see each other quite often just to have a chat and catch-up. I'm so relieved and happy that i managed to salvage my friendship. The fact that i also lost the love of my life will probably take a bit more work yet. Like you i can't even get my head around seeing someone new. Even though i know she has moved on and is happy seeing her new guy i just can't bring myself to do the same. Even thinking about going on a date with another girl feels wrong and feels like i'm cheating and betraying her trust. It's like i'm stuck and unable to move forward with that part of my life. I've made so much progress with all the rest of my life, my mood and personality have lifted and stablised no end, i'm running a successful little business franchise that i'm enjoying loads. It's just with the dating i don't seem to want to move forward. It's almost like i lost the love of my life and i'm not sure anyone else will ever be able to compare so i don't want to bother trying. It feels like i experienced something so unique and so special that if i try and follow that with anything else then i risk spoiling the memory of the most special thing i ever had in my life. At this point in time i don't want to do that, i'd rather just leave things as they are for now, i'm obviously not ready for the next stage in that area of my life and i feel like i may never be ready, i don't know if i'm honest.

 

In answer to your question, i'd advise trying to make friends with your ex first of all. Try not to be pushy but let him know you'll be his friend. Good friends are on of the most important assets we can ever have, after that i don't really know, either you'll reignite your feelings for each other or you wont. Even if he won't be your b/f again at least you'll have him in your life, that maybe a bad thing for you to see him happy with someone else. In my case i was so happy to have my friend back even if it was tinged with regret of what might have been. Sorry, i realise this has been a bit of an essay, i just didn't seem to be able to do it any shorter.

[atonement]

Thanks for the reply.

 

Its good to know that there is someone who feels exactly like me for his ex. I am also not bothering to try to hook up with someone else. I am focusing on my business as well. The only thing is that since the day I broke my engagement and tried to contact my ex, I am suffering from lack of concentration. I am unable to concentrate on my daily tasks and delaying it which is obviously affecting my business.

 

Although I am thinking of not to contact him ever again because he certainly do not want to talk to me as he blocked me all over. But sometimes pain become unbearable and I start to think of begging him. But I know that it is useless, he is such a reverse psychology person. The more I directly persuade him, the more he becomes reluctant. So I am thinking of going on NC and let's see what's happened.

[Tiera D]

Please leave him alone,he has moved on and is engaged.I would say this is karma.you may need therapy on that,3 years is a long time

 

TD