myn Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Long story. Recently went through a very ugly breakup, he initiated it, we were at the 1 1/2 year mark, but for four months afterwards kept telling me he loved me and that I should wait, but I learned that he was kind of dating around although he denied, I asked him about it, which led to intense anger on his part and more denial and we've been no contact for 2 weeks. A mutual friend said he asked my ex about me last week to be met with tons of anger, both at himself (my ex) and at me, and he (my ex) asked the friend if he would ever meet anyone and fall in love again. Could this in any way be interpreted as him still having feelings for me?
Love_sick_me Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 (edited) I know you probably want me to say : "yes, he still loves you"....But I'd say he's just confused about where he is in life. Break ups are hard, doesn't matter who bring up the break up. You should not be interpreting his actions...it's really detrimental to yourself...So what if he still wants something from you. At the end of the day, he wanted to break up, and he's the one who's acting all confused. This is a confusing time for him and for you as well. Don't you follow that trail of breadcrumbs, because it might lead you somewhere you don't wanna be. It honestly sounds like he's just stringing you along, and using you as a backup. I had the same experience where my ex convinced me to wait for him while he was dating around. He was also telling me he was still in love with me, and still wanted to be together. When I confronted him, and he got angry at me. This might sound bad, but he's using you as a placeholder. Sure he may come back IF things don't work out between him and his next few conquers. Just don't even think about about where he's at or what he's doing right now, just focus on yourself. I know this is really hard to do and hear, but don't even think about it. The more you pry into it the more he'll be pushed away. Even if you ask him if he's dating around he'll still say he's not seeing anyone. He wants to appear to be the nice guy, and string you along. Show yourself some respect, and work on yourself. One thing to know is, you need to get over this relationship, otherwise you can't see this breakup in an objective light. Even if you two get back together, you'll go back to the same mess as before. It also sounds like he might have some stuff to work through too...Just use this time apart as a chance of getting to know yourself and each other in a different. Keep up with the no contact . If it's meant to be, then it will be clear to you and him after a lot of time has passed by. Edited November 24, 2012 by Love_sick_me
Author myn Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 Dear Lovesick, Thank you so much for your response. You are right, it is very hard, but I also had a feeling I was being kept in the back pocket while he figured things out. In some ways what makes me feel really bad is less that he wanted to date around but that he couldn't be honest about his misgivings or desires. In some ways I would have respected him more if he didn't lie about it. I am feeling really guilty because I broke down last night and emailed him (after 2 weeks NC) saying it made no sense why HE is angry at ME after everything that happened. But I also said I didn't expect a response and that I was just expressing myself, and that I also didn't wish him ill and hope that he finds what makes him happy. I really regret doing this and am beating myself up. What happened with you and your ex in the end? Is it still an ongoing story?
Love_sick_me Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Hi, It sounds like we are a bit similar. I felt the same way about my ex when he was stringing me along while seeing other people. I was very honest with him even during our break up. Don't worry about how he'll feel after reading your email. You can't break something that is meant to be. Try not to think about it. It's good that you got something off your chest. As for me and my ex? lol, it's not an "ongoing" thing anymore. I haven't talked to him for a year. I confronted him about him dating other people, and he denied when I knew for sure he had. I basically told him how I felt, and he got really upset. We eventually stopped talking to each other, and went into NC mode. I have cut him out of my life for a year. I blocked him on facebook, blocked his emails, and all social media. I haven't seen him for a long time. I stopped interpreting his actions and our relationship. I moved on with life, and started working in another city. Though recently he's been trying to get in contact with a few friends of my (and my friends thought it was weird), and when they talked he'd bring me up. I now told my friends to not leak any information about me to him. I don't want our lives to intercept again. Background: we were together or about 2 years, and we broke up because of a fight. Apparently we fought too much. To be honest with you, I don't remember much of our fights or what we disagreed upon. It was his decision, and at the time I also felt like we should be breaking up due to where I was in life. His reasons were bogus, and I did throw away my self-respect for him. I knew I tried my best at the time to get him back, and I have no regrets. I was at a stage of life where I was facing a lot of challenges and changes professionally and academically. I later on realized the break up did me nothing but a lot of goodness. I was sad and distraught for a few months. One day, everything just clicked, and I got progressively better everyday since. I don't think we'll ever get back together. I don't remember much about our relationship now. It's crazy that it's only been a year. Breaking up was honestly one of the best things that happened to us. Perhaps you and your ex will have a different story, and I can't guarantee if you guys will have a happy ending or not. Maybe a few months or few years down the road you'll both realize that something that will bring you guys back together. It might take you a relationship or two, or a marriage or two to figure that out. The point is, don't keep your hopes up, there are other things to hope for in life than someone who don't think you deserve to be with them.
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