I am very lost with my current girlfriend

[Hewie]

Hello guys, I am back here in the forum seeking for help after many months now. My current girlfriend of 9 months is very close to breaking up now. I am 22 and she is 20. And I really do not know what I can do. Here is how the story goes, (P.S I apologised for the long story)

 

On the month of september this year, she was attached to a company for a few months (till december) for academic purpose. From there on, we have been trying to keep our relationship together and preventing it from falling apart(As I am currently working as well. I graduated before her naturally) We would both make time for one another occassionally and meet up. We would sometimes spend some time together with one another at my house. After sometime, during mid october, she suddenly feel all distant and she doesn't seem to be the same.

 

She doesn't care for me and she doesn't even want to meet me. She would even reply my text seldomly and would never even give a d*** about whether I did text her or not. She does not even pay attention to the contents. Recent happening was that my house pet, a dog, had passed away as we had no choice but to put her to sleep as she was suffering from several illness that she is too old to have her operation. I was devastated as this house pet of mine gave alot of joy and all to my quiet family. She make the house very lively as well. On that very day while my girlfriend was working, I told her that my dog has been put to sleep. She typically just feels normal and all (note that she does know my dog through coming to my house several times). After she is relieved off from her work, she text me asking where is my dog's whereabout. I got so pissed off that I said my dog is in heaven now. She knew that I did mount over my pet's death and I did from time to time have tears dropping out from my eyes. She did not console me nor did she even bother about me.

 

Thereafter, I feel really weird about what is going on as she has been really secretive about her whereabouts and daily lives. And whatever I do for her, she just feels neutral no matter what. And when on several ocassions, I would text her, "I love you" or some stuff that are sweet and nice to her. She would typically ignore them. When I ask her out, she would also ignore them. And when she said we are to meet on this day and that day, it will never happen at all. So i decided to ask our friends if they knew anything and has she been telling everyone anything. And to my prediction, she did. She would say that I did this and that and make me sound like I am a bad person.

 

Our friends wanted to knew what happened so I explained to them and they finally let it out that in the company that she was attached to, during the early october period, she actually has an eye-candy. Now, an eye candy is nothing when you do not do anything am I right? They are supposed to be harmless most of the time. But this time, not for me. My girlfriend indirectly took his contact info through a colleague and started texting one another very so often. They have been flirting alot through various text and my girlfriend will tend to show a few of our friends what that eye candy wrote in his reply and she was always very happy about it. But whenever our friends mention about me towards her, she would gave a huge sigh. And every night, she would hang around with one of our friends and she would call off our date. One time, the usual "our friend" that she hangs out with every night told her to call me along for their dinner and she called me along. And while we were eating, I was amazed at the speed she could reply to people but not to me. It would usually take her 2 hours the least to get her replies going for her. And I have been seeing the same guy's name appear on her phone. Our friends have been helping me and hoping she would wake up her ideas. They would repeatly remind her that I am a very good guy and I have done so much for her. But whenever they did that, she would grew unhappy. And she even replied to her friends, "I did not take what he did for me for granted. I just got used to the things that he did for me. It just makes me want more."

 

And the most recent event was that I entered her facebook during my breaktime and found out an hiking photo album that has her and that eye candy of hers in every picture. They would very intentionally took pictures side by side and that eye-candy would hold her shoulder and on one of the photos, my girlfriend would lean against his shoulder. This made me really upset and disappointed as I did not know what to do and I confronted her as I have enough proof to be lying around. This made me think that eye-candy is no longer just an eye-candy but more of something else. I confronted her on last friday night and she got really angry and denied the fact that she ever did anything wrong. I did not start the confrontation with an angst behaivour. I spoke very calmly by asking her whether she has any new interest in her life and she got all defensive out of the sudden. She blamed it on me that I stalked on her facebook and ask about our friends her whereabouts and that I do not need to know and that whatever happens is my fault. She did not admit what she did. Down in my mind, I knew her password and all and she agreed that from time to time we are allowed to enter both of our facebook.

 

She blew up and she called it off. When she called it off, I knew it was over and I felt like I have lost everything at a go. My pet, my job(I am very stressed out at work with constant co-workers being backstabbers for nothing) and now this. She was the pillar and we even spoke of future (i know we are young). But later on she told one of our friends that she does not want to commit. I am pretty sure this is a G.I.G.S syndrome for her. And the best part was, after she called it off and I did not reply her, she apologised for saying that as she said it was out of implusive behaivour and that I did not trust her.

 

I asked her yesterday if she still loves me and she replied 65%. I asked her where did the 35% went off to and she said it has been scatter around and she did not know where it went. I asked her what about the other guy, and

 

girlfriend: "eye candy does not mean we have to be together. But I got to admit, he really did alot for me."

 

me: "So I did not do enough for you?"

 

girlfriend: "No, you really did alot for me. I really know. But I got used to the things that you do for me that I wanted more. I was talking medicine this few weeks as you may know and he has brought me chocolate. As the medicine was bitter and he did not know what kind of chocolate I like, he bought one of everything."

 

So from here on, what should I do? This entire week is a cooldown period for both of us as she said I need to sort out my thinking but I find that I am really very lost and helpless now.

Edited November 5, 2012 by Hewie

[River Rain]

She's pretty cruel. Ignoring you, disrespecting you, cheating on you (cheating is not always physical)...telling you she only loves you 65%...(very childish)...do you really want her back? I think you sound like a caring guy, so you should find a woman who will want to be with you, not keep you dangling in the background.

[Hewie]

Let me add on that one very fine day, she text me telling me that she will salvage this relationship as I was a very good guy and that she still loves me, but not as much as the past. She told me that she was testing whether she has a change of heart, or she has lost all the love for me. That is when all things turned out fishy as to whatever I did that day, I may not have fulfilled them completely, but it's amazing how one can lost so much love for another within a day. I am now very lost. She does not even salvage the relationship and she just did nothing at all. And all she did was text that guy so very often and left me neglected. So I have to deal with it you know. I do not know how long I can really take all... I asked her for a second chance to whatever wrongs I did. Asked her which point does she wants me to change. Asked her if we could hang out more. All this turned out to be ignored. I did prompt her at least thrice. But she ignored me thrice.

 

Hi River, thanks for the reply. I don't believe she was doing all this things to me until I found them out through the harsh way and also against my principle. Towards our friends, they do not find that I did any wrong by going into her facebook and check things out, neither is there anything wrong with checking her whereabouts since recently, she does not want to tell me anything about it.

[River Rain]

It's not a good sign when people disappear on you. I'm talking from experience. I made myself very available to my ex, we were long-distance. I was always sweet and caring and supportive, I accommodated his schedule so that we could talk etc...he gave me the silent treatment too. I was still patient and hopeful, like you, then he dumped me. I gave him a second chance and he did the same thing so I ended up leaving him a few days ago.

 

I'm not saying that's how things will play out for you, but the warning signs are all there. It's up to you to decide how much you're willing to take, and if you're willing to settle to be with someone who may or may not love you or want to be with you. It's hard when the emotion is very high...and you want it so badly. I mean, I miss my ex, but I finally got it straight. Ignoring a person isn't loving them. You have to think about yourself and what you want out of a relationship I think.