Is it possible for my sons father to want to work things out after he said he won't?

[Contumacious]

I have a son with my ex. Our break up was very very bad. He started dating someone new right away and they are still together. It's been about 4.5 months. We have had a hard time getting along. We both hurt each other. I want to put my family back together more than anything. I have asked him but he told me that he does not want to be with me, ever again. He just recently said he would be willing to do things (like the park or other outings) with my son and I but he stated that he wants to be clear that he doesn't want to lead me on he just wants to be friends. He has our son about 30% of the time so its not like he doesn't see him and can only see him if it's with me. I asked him what his gf would think about this and he doesn't think she will mind him hanging out with me and our son. That I can't understand because like I said, he gets time with our son. I wouldn't want my new bf hanging out with his baby mama especially if he got time with the child. So I guess my question is...

Do guys change their minds? Is it possible that we will start hanging out and feelings will come back and we could fix our relationship and be together? Just because he says it today does that mean that's how he will feel forever or is there a chance he could change his mind?

[Elpis430]

Yes, sometimes people change their minds but if he made it a point to say he doesn't want to get back together, then you should take it at face value. If he isn't at a place where he is being up front about wanting to be with you, then he isn't at a place where he's ready anyways. He may want to spend time with you and your son together, because he understands the significance it will play in the development of your child. His new girlfriend may be okay with it, because she also understands and accepts the importance. If you choose to have family time including him, then it should also be because of these reasons. (Not because you are secretly hoping it will turn in to something else.)

[ThatJustHappened]

I just told another poster the same thing. There is no answer to this question that will help you feel any better. If we say yes, you'll get your hopes up and you won't be able to heal. If we say no, you'll either become more upset, or you'll become defiant and try to prove us wrong. Either way, it's not a healthy line of thinking.

 

For now, just try to keep your chin up for your son, and allow yourself to heal. Who knows? Maybe you'll be the one who changes your mind!

 

Feel better..and best of luck.