My ex left me for someone else and now wants me back

[kwoman99]

Long story short me and my boyfriend for a little over a year were in a long distance relationship. We were seeing each other almost ever weekend and then we began fighting and bickering about a lot of little things. Eventually he ended up leaving me for some one else who he became infatuated with because she was always around him. Their relationship lasted about 3 months and now hes seeing a new girl who he has been with for 3 months. The other day (6 months after he broke up with me) he called me crying saying that he's been thinking a lot about me and he realized he really messed up by letting me go. He said he realized a while back that he's still in love with me and he is only with these girls to try to get over me, but he had been scared to contact me because he didn't know how I would react. He even said he finds himself constantly trying to get these girls to act like me because he isn't able to have me. It hurt a lot to have him tell me how he feels since I am not completely over him yet. He says he is willing to do whatever it takes to make this work but I told him that I don't feel like its the right time or environment since we are still living 2 hours away from each other. My final response to him was that every couple of months I would be open to catching up just so we aren't entirely out of each others lives and after we graduate in 2 years if we still feel like theres something there then we can try and give it a shot since he would most likely be moving back into the area and it would no longer be long distance.

 

The next day I felt so depressed. I felt like I was going through the break up all over again. Did I do the right thing by telling him we can't make this work right now? Does anyone have any advice or similar situations that will help me?

[mistermr]

My final response to him was that every couple of months I would be open to catching up just so we aren't entirely out of each others lives and after we graduate in 2 years if we still feel like theres something there then we can try and give it a shot since he would most likely be moving back into the area and it would no longer be long distance. me?

 

That to me sounds like a very reasonable and sensible response.

 

This is what I have imagined telling my ex if the opportunity ever arose. I'd like to think I'd be able to say, contact me after 6 months/1 year and still see if you feel the same. If we're meant to be, we're meant to be. Heal first and then see how you feel.

 

So yes, good move. He doesn't sound mature enough to deserve your love yet.

[0hpenelope]

That's really sensible of you, OP. You learned from your break up. It hurts not to be with the one you love, but if you end up being with him (or even with someone else), holding back and the restraint you showed will be worth it.

 

Not everyone can be in a long distance relationship and timing is really important. "Right now" ≠ "never ever again." I think you made the right decision for yourself and you'll feel better about it in time. In case you feel guilty about "Well, some people make long distance work. Am I just making really dumb excuses? It's just an excuse to not get involved." You already know how much work it takes to be in a long distance relationship. My best friend and her fiancé, in fact, have been together for 8 years and 4 of those were spent LDR in undergrad. I was her roommate and I witnessed firsthand their fights. I probably didn't see the worse ones. But they'll tell you that it took a lot of sacrifice, a lot of work, a lot of patience, and a lot of talks. It's really not something for everyone. You've already tried it and it didn't work. A relationship with him the second time shouldn't be a repeat of the first and if the long distance is the issue, why will you do that again?

 

Good luck, good luck! Whether with him or someone else or single for a while, you will be happy.