Bobibble Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible. I have been with my bf for a little over a year and were both in our early 20s. Our ENTIRE relationship I have been an extremely clingy person and very dependent on him. We have gone through a very up an down relationship and as of this last Saturday night, decided to go on a break that was his idea. He told me that he's not sure if this is going anywhere, yet he still sees me in his future, and that his feelings have lessened, yet he still says in the midst of his tears "you know how much I love you right?" Going home that night he called me twice. Once to see if I made it home safe "you did? Okay I love you" and then the second time, 10 minutes later, saying that he was sorry and that this was all his fault and that taking a break may be a mistake because he doesn't want to "upset me." Looking back on what he said, I feel like he said it because he was putting my feelings first, knowing that I depend on him so much and that I would be a wreck and he didn't want to hurt me. But I stood my ground and said that this break may be what we need because I think he is going through something personally and that we both need some time away, to which he responded "okay I feel better, everything will be okay". I took that response as him feeling relieved that I am being a little independent and allowing him to figure out what is bothering him because from what he constantly told me that night he doesn't know what is wrong with him. I've spoken to a lot of my friends who have all told me that the best thing to do is stick with NC and allow him to want me and want to say something to me. My question is: can I get him back if I stick with this? And how can I become a more independent person? And also, should I stick with NC 100% no matter how long it takes, or is there a point where I should break NC? I know he loves me and wants to be with me, I just think I pushed him too far and that he is struggling with something personally that I feel like he cannot tell me because our entire relationship he has been tending to my needs and making sure I wouldn't be upset and I never allowed him to express his problems to me and console him.
Author Bobibble Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 I want to add on a few more things: We come from completely different worlds. I'm middle eastern and he is mexican (yes imagine the struggle for my strict middle eastern parents), his family loves and adores me, my family loves him but would prefer me to marry a middle eastern man (to which they have greatly improved on not doing), I am a spender, and he likes to conserve his money (which I LOVE about him), he comes from a background and family that if you want to compare to mine you can go as far as saying one step before poverty. So for me, I don't if a part of it also has to do with the fact that he may feel like he doesn't deserve me or that money will be an issue because he cannot satisfy my needs? He has said before that we are from two different worlds and jokingly has said that I love to drain his money and has really picked that joke up after he started working this summer. How can I prove to him that him and I can live in a box for all I care and that I would be happy because I'm with my best friend and have him actually believe me? And also prove to him that as a couple nobody else's opinions matter except how we feel about each other?
Author Bobibble Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Anyone's advice would be appreciated!
ZimboGon Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 Stick with no contact. If you were dependent on him, contacting him now would show that you still are. Any moment of weakness where you crack and send him a message will ruin everything. He needs time to figure things out and take a break, especially if he's the one who suggested it.
Author Bobibble Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Stick with no contact. If you were dependent on him, contacting him now would show that you still are. Any moment of weakness where you crack and send him a message will ruin everything. He needs time to figure things out and take a break, especially if he's the one who suggested it. Thank you. I'm just hoping the break doesn't get him wanting to completely cut all ties and end the relationship but I guess that is a risk that I needed to take because a break was needed.
Stanza Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 It sounds like you could use a couple of months on your own to get more self confidence so you can be less dependent. You could always say to him: you know what, you are right, we need a break, I don't want to lose you forever, will you give me two months to work on myself and see where I can get to on being more independent....
Author Bobibble Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 It sounds like you could use a couple of months on your own to get more self confidence so you can be less dependent. You could always say to him: you know what, you are right, we need a break, I don't want to lose you forever, will you give me two months to work on myself and see where I can get to on being more independent.... Well when he called me saying he thought taking the break was a mistake because he didn't want to upset me or make me sad, I stuck with it and told him that we need to take this break. I feel like he did that because he knew I was so dependent on him and he put my feelings first thinking if we took a break I would break down, but by sticking with it, I was acting more independent and he responded with "everything will be okay, I feel much better now", which I took as him relieved that I'm allowing him time to figure himself out when I never did before.
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