EDR88 Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I wrote a little bit of my story in other threads in the break up section if anyone's interested in the background of this... Basically she broke up with me and after a couple weeks, I decided I had to go no contact to keep sane! Well, within about a week she called me and asked to meet up to talk about things, so I did. Turns out, after so long of not feeling anything for me, it finally sunk in for her...she realised she loved me and really missed me and she felt that after nearly 5 years together, she couldn't just end it and not to at least try to resolve whatever problems we had (this was the first time anything like this had happened). She said, she cant promise the negative things she felt would change, but it seemed crazy not at least try work it out after such a long happy relationship. So I am trying really hard to make things work. Part of the reason she broke up with me was that she felt the passion had gone. So...I am trying to re-ignite the spark by being romantic - buying her flowers, sending her gifts, sending her messages to tell her how much I love her and think she's beautiful etc... However, she also says she still feels like she needs space, which I'm trying to give her. So herein lies the problem for me; I am worried that If I try too hard to be passionate, I'l be encroaching on her space...and If I give her too much space, she'l still feel like the passion is going. How do I re-ignite the passion in our relationship, but still give her the space she needs?! Any thoughts/advice would be greatly appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 First, I'm really glad for you because this is what happened to me. Sadly my ex went immediately into an very heavy rebound. I was also told that he'd lost the spark. (sorry but my perspective was researching for a male but anyway...) from what I can tell it's not just about things like sending hearts and flowers but probably has a root cause behind it too. So as well as showing love you need to listen to her more and hear better what she says to you and develop an emotional connection with her. So you may need to really delve into those emotional depths and start sharing parts of you that you haven't before. Create as deep a connection as you can. show you care in words and not just buying things. find ways to go beyond the day-to-day, pick a fun place to have a date - I'm not talking expensive restaurant but a picnic in a new place or something - just do something new, support her on her work/study/other troubles etc and just be there. you may think you did that before, we all do, but ultimately we didn't do it enough, I know I thought everything was super perfect because I wasn't told otherwise until too late. only time and space away from someone makes us think a bit more on it. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 She wants you back and still wants space... My advice is to be skeptical, enforce boundaries and be available as little as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
salmagundi Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Think back to when you first got together and she was falling in love with you for the first time...did she want or need space then? Love is not wanting space from the person that you love. I think you're going to get burned again if you're not careful. Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I don't know man. I hate to say it but it sounds to me like she is giving you the run around while she sees if a new guy works out. You played it perfectly and went NC and she got scared but now you are giving in. She just showed you that the way to get to her is by not talking to her so why would you change your plan of attack. Its like the mouse with cheese thing. Leaving her alone is how you get your "cheese" so stay at it. Don't try to spoil and pamper her. Notice soon as you did she starts pulling away again? Link to post Share on other sites
AH1990 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I don't know man. I hate to say it but it sounds to me like she is giving you the run around while she sees if a new guy works out. You played it perfectly and went NC and she got scared but now you are giving in. She just showed you that the way to get to her is by not talking to her so why would you change your plan of attack. Its like the mouse with cheese thing. Leaving her alone is how you get your "cheese" so stay at it. Don't try to spoil and pamper her. Notice soon as you did she starts pulling away again? EXACTLY the same thing happened to me. It's a lost cause. Just move on and go NC. There is no point in wasting even more of your time. Link to post Share on other sites
hopelessromantic29 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I wouldn't worry too much about trying to win the upper hand. See.... That's where the problem lies. No one is willing to let go of pride. You know her better than anyone n if you take someone rlses advice without following your own heart, you'll be left with so many what ifs. Trust the person you fell in love eith n if she turns out to be not what you expected, move on. It's her loss for acting like an idiot! At least you know what you did to make it work. Go with your heart n stop playing games. We r all fools when we r in love... Take that risk if u really want it to work. Or else you'd be left with just u n ur pride. Link to post Share on other sites
salmagundi Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 dave...**** off... Link to post Share on other sites
TG1 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Yes she wants to give it another try because she wants you back I bet but if anything you guys should work on your relationship and when you do, maybe you will start to realize where it all went wrong and then work on that issue together and it will make you guys stronger than ever but if I were you, I would always have my guard up Link to post Share on other sites
Author EDR88 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Thanks for all your responses. I'm still not really sure how to handle this...I just don't know whats going through her head! Sometimes she's so loving and caring and acting so loved up with me, then sometimes she's really cold. When I see her (which is not all that much any more as I work weekdays and she usually works on weekends) we usually have a really nice time...last time I saw her was last weekend and we had a really great evening. But I felt she was being pretty distant the next day... just cant tell if i'm just being paranoid though! I genuinely think she wants to make it work but she says she just can't help feeling that she wants space from me. So i'm trying to be a bit distant and give it to her...but then when I see her I'l try to be as nice as I can. I really want to work on whatever issues we had, and think she does too, I just don't really know what they are! She's rubbish at expressing her feelings so I can't tell what she wants from me! Just gonna keep my guard up a bit for now I think incase she changes her mind again and hurts me again Hope all of you who have been hurt are doing ok! Thanks again for your advice Link to post Share on other sites
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