Dblock10 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 thought id share this...my ex came back after 9 months! (she left first time to go travel the world with a friend during which we hardly talked)! we met up and got together enjoyed each others company she was ecstatic to see me, she expressed that she still cares for me and has feelings and that she missed me, but she has now left again possible for a year this time to another country many many miles away. I still have feelings for her, but I'm powerless in this situation. massively confused to be honest.
Philosoraptor Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Are you comfortable waiting around? Do you feel like her feelings are strong enough that she's not doing who knows what with someone in another country? Is there a relationship together right now? 1
Author Dblock10 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 (edited) well yeah i don't mind waiting for her, she doesn't want to make plans though incase they don't work out and so she can't be accountable.. there is no relationship right now, she isn't looking to be in one at this point in her life she told me, and if our paths cross again type thing... guess she wants no commitments. so no her feelings prob wouldn't stop her from doing what ever with someone else in another country. when she was away first time she hooked up with a few guys and i had hooked up with multiple girls.. she likes me still, but clearly chooses to do that over making arrangements with anything or anyone else. which is fine! i wouldn't want to stop her doing what she wants, its how she feels free i guess. i just wish somehow we could be together/ or at least be heading the right way. i don't want to loose her all over again.. sigh Edited July 5, 2012 by Dblock10
Pod81 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 What do you want out of this? A long-term committed relationship? If so, then you should realize that you two want different things. Is this something you can deal with? Keep in mind that relationships involving 2 people with 2 different goals usually don't turn out well. I hope your case is the exception to the rule, but I still wouldn't put my life on hold for her. A year is a long time to be waiting for someone who's not very committed or emotionally stable. Live life like you're single and if she comes back, deal with it then.
Author Dblock10 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 What do you want out of this? A long-term committed relationship? If so, then you should realize that you two want different things. Is this something you can deal with? Keep in mind that relationships involving 2 people with 2 different goals usually don't turn out well. I hope your case is the exception to the rule, but I still wouldn't put my life on hold for her. A year is a long time to be waiting for someone who's not very committed or emotionally stable. Live life like you're single and if she comes back, deal with it then. i guess that is the crux of the matter! What i want out of this is for her to want me and not run off with another guy for good. i would love to meet her in the future, but at the same time i know i can't put my life on hold... which i won't, but its hard to let go again and its put me in the situation where, do i stay in low contact with her Skype now and again, or do i have to completely let go so that she no longer has a sort of "hold" over me. i guess we do want different things, how do you mean can i deal with? it could be longer than a year, she is going to be doing more travelling after saving up. I lived life like i was single before and she did come back, but only to leave again
Pod81 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 What I mean is don't have any expectations now, and don't decide on anything until you cross the bridge in the future. The reason being...a lot could happen between now and then that could alter your opinion on reconciliation.
Author Dblock10 Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 this is good advice and it has entered my mind already before you said it, however its like being in limbo some what as that bridge can only be crossed in the future, and what do i do about her until then, of course move on with my life is a given, but if we stay in touch then she starts banging someone else then i don't think that would make me happy tbh and it will happen, so its a matter of time. in some ways i want to say something to her that finalises things more between us so i can then nc and just get on with my life, but then part of me doesn't want to do that "just in case" in the future we could or do somehow meet
Author Dblock10 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 this sucks. by not deciding on something now, effectively i won't move on and i'll always wonder. its tough losing someone the first time, then for them to come back share that they too have feelings but don't want a relationship is like :/ so confusing. im deciding whether to speak to her about this but at the same time, what the hell would i say
Philosoraptor Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 You've got zero control here and the ball is way out of your court. I'd say go NC without saying a word. If she comes around and wants to try again nothing will stop her from finding a way to contact you. Either way you'll be working on healing so you'll be in the best position no matter what happens.
Author Dblock10 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 she has my fb, and we regularly exchange messages. in the process of skyping each other. so if i blind sided her, she would just simply message me again at some point asking whats happened to me. she knows i have feelings for her from the last time we met up. so, do i stay in touch and have no expectations, see how it goes. if its hard and isn't right, then tell her. but saying something now could be jumping the gun but could also save me hurt
fallenheart Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 yeah well here is the million dollar question which you left out in the original post.... when you "enjoyed each other's company" when you met up after 9 months apart.....did you have sex?
Recommended Posts