IF...there is a such thing as GIGS ?

[dsw31]

Is it possible for someone to experience it in their 30's, 40's or even 50's?

 

While I'm still kind of on the fence about the whole, so called, "syndrome"

I'm still open to learn as much as possible.

 

I tend to believe GIGS is a clever way of phrasing "a young 20 something person discovering themself & finally growing up."

 

But if there is a such thing as GIGS, are there any older people who have experienced this?

 

I would lean towards...No

 

Just curious to see other people's thoughts/experience

[jennisfora]

my recent ex just turned 40 when he left me, he told me he thought he might be having a midlife cirsis. i think that is what 40s and 50s people call mid life GIGS. but it sounds suspiciously similar to me. they dont know what they want anymore, are confused, not acting like themselves, being irresponsible, yada yada yada.

[wilsonx]

I see people in their 30s in GIGS all the time.

 

There are lots of them on this forum as well. I watch one female on here regularly to see her thought process.

[Tiera D]

GiGs happens due to western culture.in my place (Asia) rarely theres cases similar to GiGs,on the other hand,i observed a majority among people in western nations had it.I personally think its due to childhood lack guidance,many problems stemming from their parents,making their children uncertain in many things,as a saying goes "The shape of the mould makes the shape of the cake".no offence to anyone kay

 

TD

[gibson]

If you want to see GIGS dumpers and the way they think....

 

Go read the Marriage Forum. You will see a TON of people who started dating their spouse at a young age, got married and when they are late 20s / early 30s... I feel like they missed out, "I love you but I am not in love with you", wants to see what is out there, wants to party, etc.

 

If you want to see TONS of GIGS dumpees...

 

Read here in the break up section or stroll over to the divorce forum.

Edited April 29, 2012 by gibson

[Fitz]

Searching for "greener grass" doesn't just happen in your twenties.

 

Anybody can believe that the "grass is greener." But I think its more likely for a younger person to both have and act on these feelings. But anybody can believe there's something better out there. However, it's debatable if the criteria of Gibson's GIGS model can be applied to all ages.

 

For example, my ex-fiance has GIGS and she's in her mid thirties. She left me after starting a sexual affair with a married Doctor. (She's currently trying to convince him to leave his wife).

 

And I'm sure a lot of wealthy men convince themselves that the "grass is greener" when they leave their wrinkled wives for women half their age.

 

Gibson's theory/definition of GIGS definitely holds true for otherwise normal young people. But there is a broader truth that really anyone can think that the "grass is greener." The idiom can generally apply to any age. However, the specific criteria in Gibson's GIGS model may not necessarily apply to every age group. Maybe they do. Maybe they don't. I don't have enough experience with older GIGS to really say.

Edited April 29, 2012 by Fitz

[beyond]

Searching for "greener grass" doesn't just happen in your twenties.

 

Anybody can believe that the "grass is greener." But I think its more likely for a younger person to both have and act on these feelings. But anybody can believe there's something better out there. However, it's debatable if the criteria of Gibson's GIGS model can be applied to all ages.

 

For example, my ex-fiance has GIGS and she's in her mid thirties. She left me after starting a sexual affair with a married Doctor. (She's currently trying to convince him to leave his wife).

 

And I'm sure a lot of wealthy men convince themselves that the "grass is greener" when they leave their wrinkled wives for women half their age.

 

Gibson's theory/definition of GIGS definitely holds true for otherwise normal young people. But there is a broader truth that really anyone can think that the "grass is greener." The idiom can generally apply to any age. However, the specific criteria in Gibson's GIGS model may not necessarily apply to every age group. Maybe they do. Maybe they don't. I don't have enough experience with older GIGS to really say.

 

 

Hmmm, thats got me thinking. My ex I was certain had it when we broke up 6 yrs ago when he was mid 20's, had all the classic signs , a text book case. Have met up again recently and he seems to be displaying similar signs. Has now married, got children and wants to 'explore' what else is out there and is jealous of his single friends. I've asked him if he always feels that whatever he has, the grass will be greener elsewhere, and he says he doesn't know but seems to. Has he never grown out of GIGS, has he got it twice, or is it just a case of he will never grow up?

 

Either way, to be on the receiving end is very painful.

[leoc1973]

I think when its the early 20's its more of an "I feel like I have to do this" later in life its more of a "this can't be all that life has to offer".

 

I was just thinking out loud here but do you think that it is tied to depression and looking for "happy feelings" when the unhappiness is within. Then you realize it wasn't that person you dumped it was you? Just a thought...

[beyond]

I think when its the early 20's its more of an "I feel like I have to do this" later in life its more of a "this can't be all that life has to offer".

 

I was just thinking out loud here but do you think that it is tied to depression and looking for "happy feelings" when the unhappiness is within. Then you realize it wasn't that person you dumped it was you? Just a thought...

 

I think there is a lot in that, yes. Searching for happiness in other people rather than from within.

[Fitz]

I think there is a lot in that, yes. Searching for happiness in other people rather than from within.

 

Yes, it does all boil down to a search for happiness.

And some people will never be happy with what they have.

Which is the message behind the idiom.

 

In other words "The grass is always greener" is simply a clever way of saying that some people will never be happy with what they have. For some it's their body, or physical appearance, or the car they drive, or their house. And for some people it's their romantic relationships.

[beyond]

Yes, it does all boil down to a search for happiness.

And some people will never be happy with what they have.

Which is the message behind the idiom.

 

In other words "The grass is always greener" is simply a clever way of saying that some people will never be happy with what they have. For some it's their body, or physical appearance, or the car they drive, or their house. And for some people it's their romantic relationships.

 

Yes, but what if its not really about having the best car, being prettier, having another 'better' relationship. If its about filling a void within yourself - no car, plastic surgery, dating hundreds of people is going to fill that.

[Fitz]

Yes, but what if its not really about having the best car, being prettier, having another 'better' relationship. If its about filling a void within yourself - no car, plastic surgery, dating hundreds of people is going to fill that.

 

Sure! I think we are saying the same thing -more or less.

 

Another idiom which goes hand in hand with "the grass is always greener" is "familiarity breeds contempt." Which is to say that some people will always believe that their grass is brown. So they'll like their new car at first, but then grow to hate it. Or start hating the apartment they used to love. Or their boyfriend. Or their husband. Meaning nothing will ever be good enough for these type of people. So, yes. The problem is within them.

 

You say "void." I say it's a reflection of low self esteem.

Edited April 29, 2012 by Fitz

[beyond]

Sure! I think we are saying the same thing -more or less.

 

Another idiom which goes hand in hand with "the grass is always greener" is "familiarity breeds contempt." Which is to say that some people will always believe that their grass is brown. So they'll like their new car at first, but then grow to hate it. Or start hating the apartment they used to love. Or their boyfriend. Or their husband. Meaning nothing will ever be good enough for these type of people. So, yes. The problem is within them.

 

You say "void." I say it's a reflection of low self esteem.

 

'reflection of low self esteem' - yes that is a better way to put it.

[beyond]

Such a sad way to go through life - never being content with what you have.

[Eddie Edirol]

In other words "The grass is always greener" is simply a clever way of saying that some people will never be happy with what they have. For some it's their body, or physical appearance, or the car they drive, or their house. And for some people it's their romantic relationships.

 

I dont think its clever at all. I believe many of the dumpees are labeling people as having gigs to absolve themselves from taking blame in the deteriation of the relationship - usually when they dont know what went wrong. Only problem with "familiarity breeds contempt", you never know about it until much later that your dumper is the type that will never be happy with what they have. How many people that jump from one relationship to the next are actually that twisted that they will never be happy? Im sure theres a good number, but then there are people that figure out what they want, and they know when they wont get it from who they are with, in a hurry. Everyone isnt compatible with everybody, so you have to jump around without wasting time to see who you really want to settle down with. When the dumper eventually goes back to the dumpee in another few months, well then that could be the type of person with the issue of filling a void that everyone is really wondering about.

Edited April 29, 2012 by Eddie Edirol

[jennisfora]

i know my ex had self esteem issues, he didn't seem to think he was worth all that much, and got increasingly negative. i think sometimes people keep taking on more and more baggage, jump from partner to partner, until they can't carry anymore. and, eventually they have to deal with it. he actually said maybe it was mid life crisis or grass is greener, but, i think if you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else, and you keep thinking maybe the next partner will have the magic formula. the answer to why you are empty. but they dont, they never do..

 

he had regrets about career moves, and such too, he was always looking back on what he could or should have done, so i told him he seemed obsessed with the path not taken. now that he is determined to not date anybody, i hope he is dealing with the past and healing. but, ultimately, it isn't my problem anymore, so what he does with his life is his choice.

[Fitz]

I dont think its clever at all. I believe many of the dumpees are labeling people as having gigs to absolve themselves from taking blame in the deteriation of the relationship - usually when they dont know what went wrong. Only problem with "familiarity breeds contempt", you never know about it until much later that your dumper is the type that will never be happy with what they have. How many people that jump from one relationship to the next are actually that twisted that they will never be happy? Im sure theres a good number, but then there are people that figure out what they want, and they know when they wont get it from who they are with, in a hurry. Everyone isnt compatible with everybody, so you have to jump around without wasting time to see who you really want to settle down with. When the dumper eventually goes back to the dumpee in another few months, well then that could be the type of person with the issue of filling a void that everyone is really wondering about.

 

Eddie, you are confusing things a bit.

 

1. There's the old idiom "The grass is always greener" which is just a saying. Its a generality that can be applied to many people in many different situations.

And it can definitely be applied to relationships among other things.

 

2. And then there's GIGS (the so called "syndrome") which is a theory people bring up on this board that attempts to explain why some people break up an otherwise working relationship. The theory is debatable.

 

Realize that these two concepts are not the same. One is just an old saying that can be broadly applied. The other is a behavioral theory with defined criteria. Sure, you can refute the behavioral theory. But you must admit that the idiom can be justified in certain situations.

 

Furthermore, I never implied that ending a relationship means you will never be satisfied in a relationship. Sure, not everyone is compatible and there are valid reasons to end some relationships. But understand that some people have mature reasons to end a relationship. And some people have immature reasons to end a relationship. No, not all dumpers have "voids within" or low self esteem. But some do.

 

No, not all dumpers are hypnotized looking for greener grass. But some are.

 

Do some people subscribe to the theory of GIGS in order to protect their feelings? Sure. People make all kinds of excuses. But this is beside the point.

 

And I never implied that "dumpers" (the ones with immature behavior or low self esteem) will never be happy in a relationship. People change. People grow.

Edited April 29, 2012 by Fitz

[Gulf-Delta]

I tend to believe GIGS is a clever way of phrasing "a young 20 something person discovering themself & finally growing up."

 

GiGs is the opposite of what you described. The person in Gigs mode usually regresses BACKWARD to a more immature state, and don't find out anything about themselves.

 

Gigs is someone running away from discovering themselves and growing up

[Eddie Edirol]

 

Do some people subscribe to the theory of GIGS in order to protect their feelings? Sure. People make all kinds of excuses. But this is beside the point.

.

 

This was my whole point. I dont think Im confusing things at all. Doesnt matter whether people here use the syndrome term or the phrase, they seem to apply it to relationships here on this forum. I guess when they are lost like that, they look for a quick answer. People seem to use GIGS to protect their feelings a lil too often. I know it happens sometimes, but I think in most cases, the grass really is greener, hence, the "syndrome" doesnt apply. I also still think that in most cases that I've seen here, the dumpers that did go back were filling voids, and not GIGS syndromers. I think GIGS doesnt apply if the dumper that goes back isnt going back for a full commitment, but to avoid being alone, until they find someone better.

[Fitz]

People seem to use GIGS to protect their feelings a lil too often. I know it happens sometimes, but I think in most cases, the grass really is greener, hence, the "syndrome" doesnt apply.

 

You are still a little confused. Having GIGS does not mean that the grass isn't greener at all! Sure, maybe it actually is greener! Maybe it isn't. Either way, GIGS is NOT a way of predicting that. Rather, GIGS only attempts to explain the MOTIVATIONS behind why some people end otherwise working relationships. So the color of grass the dumper eventually finds is irrelevant.

 

I also still think that in most cases that I've seen here, the dumpers that did go back were filling voids, and not GIGS syndromers. I think GIGS doesnt apply if the dumper that goes back isnt going back for a full commitment, but to avoid being alone, until they find someone better.

Again, you are still confused. GIGS is NOT a guarantee of reconcilement after a breakup! Having GIGS does NOT mean that the dumper will return to an old relationship. So let me say it again: GIGS merely attempts to explain the MOTIVATION behind why some people end otherwise working relationships! And GIGS does not presume that the grass on the other side is better or worse!

 

In other words:

GIGS has NOTHING to say about what color of grass dumpers might find. Maybe its greener. Maybe its not. Furthermore, maybe a dumper reconciles with their ex. Maybe they won't. Who knows. But GIGS has everything to say about WHY they are looking.

 

Realize that whether or not the dumper returns to their ex is irrelevant for the diagnosis of GIGS.

 

The subtext here is that some people with GIGS will come to the conclusion that their ex was a better catch than they realized (so the grass wasn't greener). Not all GIGS come to that conclusion. But some do. And in such situations, there is a possibility of reconciliation. Not a guarantee.

Edited April 30, 2012 by Fitz

[Eddie Edirol]

 

Again, you are still confused. GIGS is NOT a guarantee of reconcilement after a breakup! Having GIGS does NOT mean that the dumper will return to an old relationship. So let me say it again: GIGS merely attempts to explain the MOTIVATION behind why some people end otherwise working relationships! And GIGS does not presume that the grass on the other side is better or worse!

 

In other words:

GIGS has NOTHING to say about what color of grass dumpers might find. Maybe its greener. Maybe its not. Furthermore, maybe a dumper reconciles with their ex. Maybe they won't. Who knows. But GIGS has everything to say about WHY they are looking.

 

UGH, its garbage. Im not buying into it. I never said it was a guarantee at a reconciliation. If people are using the GIGS label to attempt to explain the motivation, then its just a bogus label that keeps people from looking into themselves, and the real reasons they were dumped. Which is usually boredom, lack of spark, incompatibility, both parties at fault for multiple reasons, which the dumpee cant figure out at the time, thats not a syndrome. Theres always a reason, the dumper just doesnt always disclose it. If the syndrome is just a guessing game that has nothing to do with the outcome, then it really doesnt exist. So I refuse to encourage people on this board to use this bogus label that only attempts to explain.

 

People, I suggest that you figure out the REAL reasons you were dumped, dont buy into this GIGS nonsense.

 

The Grass Is Greener Syndrome Explained

Edited April 30, 2012 by Eddie Edirol

[gibson]

G.I.G.S. in my Youth...

 

I was raise by two very loving parents who have and always will pour their love into me. My parents have always wanted and expected the best of me. Together they made countless sacrifices out of love for me and my brothers and sisters. My parents decided and I blessed and fortunate that my mother not work so she could be a stay home mom. We lived in certain areas based on the school systems and was later sent to an expensive private school for my sole benefit. I could go on and on about how many sacrifices and how much my parents did without because of their love for their family.

 

My parents taught me right from wrong, work ethic, respect, integrity, personal accountability, compassion, love, charity, understanding, patience, etc. My parents where there for their family, took an interests in each us, one or both was at every one of our events, heavily involved in our education, had personal relationships with my friends and their parents, my parents were strict and disciplined us when we broke the rules, family vacations, we had curfews, we ate dinner as a family together without TV or music, chores, let us try various hobbies and pursue our interests, etc.

 

My parents demonstrated, showed and proved their love for me no matter if I was good or bad or if I ended up in jail or CEO of IBM. They love me for who I am, where I been, where I will go, what I have accomplished and what I have yet to do. They simply love me, for me.

 

Now there was a period in my life (from around the ages of 16 – 23 or so) where I didn’t like my parents and I would go so far as to say I resented and even "hated" them. I also would have told you during that time that I thought they my parents did not like or even love me.

 

It just so happens that I also had G.I.G.S. with a GF that I started dating around the age of 17 and dated for 5 years. Now if you change all the word "parents" to "GF" above and substitute my upbringing with the relationship I had with my GF, it describes the same thinking, feelings, believes, desires, etc. that I had when I broke up with then GF due to G.I.G.S. Just like with my parents, I came to find out and realized is that I did truly love her and my love and feelings for her were stronger than before and this was before I even pursued her again.

 

In the two stories above, did my parents or my Ex change? Are you going to say that I am the only one who has gone through this “phase”? That I should have known better to think, feel and believe that way when I was between the ages of 16 – 23 or so? Are you saying the deeper love and admiration I feel now having going through that “phase” and those experience is not authentic, genuine, true or real? Are you telling me that I am still the spoiled brat who was blessed beyond words and did not know? Did I not mature and grow into the man I am today? Are you telling me that my relationship and my love for my parents cannot continue to grow and become deeper because of where I was, what I thought and what I did back when I was immature, stupid and naïve? Are you saying that I never loved my parents and they never loved me since I thought, felt, believed what I did as a punk adolescent kid / young adult? Are my parent’s fools for pouring all their love into me as a child even though I left and didn't have anything or much to do with them for several years? Are my parents fools for loving me now after I went and did my own thing for several years before I realized how amazing, how wonderful and how much they loved me and I love them?

 

Again, if you change the word parents to Ex in the above questions, why are the answers any different?

 

Take what is happening right now in my life as a snapshot of G.I.G.S....

 

I drive a 2008 Audi S5 and it is quite the automobile. It's paid for, only has 46k miles on it, under warranty, has 354hp and goes really fast and quite the thrill, it has all the features I want / need, in perfect working condition and has never let me down.

 

Yet, I have been "kicking tires" at dealerships the last couple of weeks. I am thinking of going with an SUV not because I need it... Rather, it is something new / different than what I am driving now.

 

The same could be said of my job...

 

I own my own business, I can come and go as I please, I am good at what I do, I enjoy what I am doing, I make a lot of money, it challenges and stimulates me. However, I recently stopped taking on new business and I am in the middle of changing the focus of what it is I do. Why? Simple because I want to try doing something different.

 

There is no difference between what I did with my parents, Ex GF and I essentially have G.I.G.S. now with business and my car.

 

If I apply Eddie's "logic" to my situation, I would never have "rebelled" against my parents, I never would have dumped my GF, I would never change what I do for a living and I would not get a new car.

 

I don't know about the rest of you...

 

I know plenty of people who rebelled against their parents, dumped someone because they wanted to have the "college experience" or "sow their wild oats", people that changed jobs / careers for really no other reason than to try something new out and most everyone I know buys new cars even though there was nothing wrong with the last one they were driving.

[Texsec]

I believe in it..I have been a victim to it 3 times....First wife and I got married at 20, she turned 32 and went nuts, Church going, hard working mom of 2 overnight moved out, cheated, started drinking and got knocked up by a loser small time drug dealer. She wound up get an Abortion due to massive complications,(probably from damage from him)..Showed up 3 years later and said she still loved me..? Engaged to a great girl 4 years later, she moved to an island in Mexico to manage a hotel, turned 30, started drinking, smoking pot, drugs, lies, hiding money...Got knocked up by a cruise ship waiter who had 3 kids with 3 different women....told me 2 years later she never should have left me...

Current wife, Married her when she was 26, together 6 years, she just turned 32, overnight, I feel trapped, I'm bored, I feel like life is passing me by, I feel old, Is this all there is to life? Stealing money form the joint account, hidden phone, moved out cuz "she needed space to miss me" busted her with loser serial cheater co worker, dressing like a gutter slut, drinking like a fish....She hasn't come back yet,,just finishing the divorce.....

GIGS is REAL and it happens in the 30's also...These women were loved, done for, given everything and never given a reason to doubt my feeling for them.

[Fitz]

I believe in it..I have been a victim to it 3 times....First wife and I got married at 20, she turned 32 and went nuts, Church going, hard working mom of 2 overnight moved out, cheated, started drinking and got knocked up by a loser small time drug dealer. She wound up get an Abortion due to massive complications,(probably from damage from him)..Showed up 3 years later and said she still loved me..? Engaged to a great girl 4 years later, she moved to an island in Mexico to manage a hotel, turned 30, started drinking, smoking pot, drugs, lies, hiding money...Got knocked up by a cruise ship waiter who had 3 kids with 3 different women....told me 2 years later she never should have left me...

Current wife, Married her when she was 26, together 6 years, she just turned 32, overnight, I feel trapped, I'm bored, I feel like life is passing me by, I feel old, Is this all there is to life? Stealing money form the joint account, hidden phone, moved out cuz "she needed space to miss me" busted her with loser serial cheater co worker, dressing like a gutter slut, drinking like a fish....She hasn't come back yet,,just finishing the divorce.....

GIGS is REAL and it happens in the 30's also...These women were loved, done for, given everything and never given a reason to doubt my feeling for them.

 

I sympathize with you, man! My ex hit her early thirties and did a complete 180 too. She went from being a complete religious goody-two shoes and then straight into jail, cheating with married men & sugar daddies, drinking like a lush, and other acts of depravity I'm still too embarrassed to admit on an anonymous forum (even though I had nothing to do with it). Yeah, she turned into a completely different person.

 

So I've personally found a lot of truth in what Gibson and Wilsonx have to say. Sure, I'm not perfect but I am working on myself. And I'm not hiding behind GIGS to deny my own accountability in the break up or as an excuse to be complacent in life. But I was in an otherwise "happy" relationship until my ex went crazy and the secrets started coming out.

 

I do believe that some women start to feel their mortality in their thirties. And it drives them into panic and desperation. So they make a crazy last ditch effort in the pursuit of happiness -to make it through the metaphorical closing window of opportunity.

[wilsonx]

A GIGS BREAKUP has nothing to do with YOU.

There is nothing you could have done to prevent it. Sure you are disappointed and regretful but its 100% about them.