Reconciliation thoughts

[Spunge]

Allright, just wanna sort the pessimistic people out here.

People who are like "No contact is only for your own health, and.." yadda yadda, get out. Why are you into second chances anyway? I know that you should ALSO heal, but god damn it, it doesn't have to be the only thing if something is worth saving, so stop spreading your pessimistic propaganda, to people who actually are of the same belief. Of cours epeople shouldn't linger to false hope and relationships which were abusive, but if you're only into heal and move on to the next, and just giving up... Then I feel sorry for you...

 

Anyway, if you're not one of those, you're welcome to read my story.

I started off by sending a no contact message like this:

"Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready." over text message, he started out by not respecting it, and sending me a respond "I'm glad that we agree..." but that was also it. haven't heard from him since (directly)

 

A few hours later a friend of his texts me "Sorry but ___ is more or less totally over you.. I'm sorry to tell you..." I was at a very vulnerable state, and sent him some crap I regret sending, but it doesn't matter. All info went to my ex, ugh, and he knew everything he said would go to me. All set, I worked on improving myself and having my own life for the next couple of weeks, he seems really to be moving on.

But I truly believe he hasn't since he:

* Still have our mutual name on FB

* Still have a drawn picture we created together for MSN

* Still have the "I love you, Spunge" on his profilepage

And then he still sometimes "obviously" tries to make me jealous, and seems angry with me. He broke up due to the fact I didn't communicate and open up enough for him, a problem I have worked A LOT WITH. But he didn't break-up due to "lack of love" he truly did love me, and showed in the most sincerest ways.

 

Anyway, then I reached the cap of 30 days of NC, of course I was tempted, had my weakness points, but I never gave in. Haven't contacted him.

For the first time I see him this day, randomly encounting him on the street, on the way home from a museum. When I see him I smile friendly, and nod. And he smiles back, it was clearly not a forced smile, but yet it had some insecurity into it (I know him very well) and he wore the T-shirt I gave him just a week before the break-up as an anniversery gift. He is the type who puts a sentimental value into stuff, not only "practical" he is a very sensitive guy.

 

Well, as far long gone, it's been 30 days, and due to the smile I think he got over the "resentment phase" and I'm far long gone over the "panic stage" I'm at a point where I know I can live without him (though i certainly don't want to) and when I met him, my heart didn't skip a beat. At all. Actually it was really emotionless. I think he noticed my new haircut, new style and everything, I've been doing really well.. Actually a funny thing, the exact same day I met him, his friend who claimed he was totally over me, started to randomly initiate a conversation with me. I had not talked with him since, so I find it a bit weird, but it could be a coinscidence, though. My ex still haven't initiated any form for contact himself, I think he respects my wish, he really is a very respectful guy.

 

However, I'm still unsure how long I should wait for a reconciliation call, what do you think?

I don't want to be impatient, and I can hold out longer. Do you think it's all positive set to go?

By now I think I should just wait another week, and then I'll give him a call. When we were together we were together basically everyday, and when we weren't together, we would be talking over Skype. So I'm sure he misses me.

Thanks for your time to read this.

[Billie The Puppet]

I'm not going to reply to preach NC and it's wonders but am going to say not to read much on what is on his Profile Pages, what he chooses to wear etc basing this off of my experience.

 

So he was wearing a shirt you bought him. Has it occurred to you that it could just be a shirt even if he is one to hold onto things for sentimental value?

 

My ex wore a key to my heart necklace I gave her and you would think given the circumstances and meaning around such an item It would mean something. She was the sentimental type too but yet this had become just an accessory to her?

 

What about the social networking profiles, statuses and pictures?

 

Either way you'll question Why did he keep, or why did he remove them?

 

My ex removed that stuff months later from the breakup - being the dumpee I removed them instantly.

 

Just cause he holds onto these or hasn't updated them or whatnot they are not signs he wants the relationship back.

 

If he did he would approach you. He wasn't scared to end the relationship so why would he be scared to approach if he feels he made a mistake?

 

All that being said just because I'm giving an anti-second chance response based of my own experience doesn't necessarily mean it will apply to all stories. I just want you to see that there is an opposing side.

 

It seems to me you are not entirely gunho on the concept of NC, as reading your story seems like you were never complete NC to begin with as one who is would not be looking at the social networking sites of an ex, one doesnt send a NC letter they just disappear without warning. In fact from what I read it seems like you've followed a guide those e-sellers try to sell to you to get your ex back.

 

Classic signs of that are the NC letter agreeing with the breakup and seeing 1 month NC as a milestone.

 

So here is what you got to ask yourself at this point.

 

If you believe he is too stubborn to approach you for reconcilliation are you willing to approach him? If so are you willing to face a rejection?

 

If either of those questions answers are no then you are not ready for a second chance.

[SlowBlues]

I'm sorry but you may think you know what he's thinking but you don't. Has he contacted you at all besides the time you ran into him? I don't think you should wait for a reconciliation call because it's not coming. These things don't just happen like that. Keep staying in NC and if he contacts you then great, but please do not contact him when it seems like you are not over him.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

I only really preach going NC to protect yourself and if your hurting to much to talk to the person. But NC does help both parties clear their minds and figure out what they truly want.. Even the dumpees somtimes realize they were to wrapped up in things to realize that relationship was not what they truly wanted..

 

30 days is just the frist mile stone 2 months is more appropriate.. I definetly don't think you should be reading into any of these things going on pictures and clothing. Evening if they could possibly mean anything it dosen't mean you will get a second chance..

 

 

I agree with billie though, if you feel that you can face the rejection by getting in touch and asking as in you won't emotionally fall apart from being rejected then go for it..

 

But, I would definetly be more subtle. The best way to reconcile especially being the dumpee is to test the waters. Yea you could strait out just ask but I would just take things slowly. Like getting in contact seeing if they might want to catch up.. Trying to yes be "friends" with them. You definetly would have to be at the point of acceptance though which is tough.. Accept if he has a new gf, accept whatever may come your way that could be negative. If these things will have little to no affect on you then your ready to try it.