Dumper wants to get back with me, but her ex wants to see her one last time...WTF!!!!

[dextm]

After we broke up 1 month ago, she immediately started seeing her ex (her first) after ignoring him for 7 years. I almost broke up with her because she thought of getting closure with the ex while we were in our relationship. She chose me then, and she is choosing me now again because she wants to get back together (I kinda do, too). When we first got together in December, I was so down and unmotivated in life because of all my personal issues..she gave me new life and motivation to improve myself. I am better because of her and she is better because of me. But this ex is putting serious doubt in my mind.

 

She wants to keep him around as a "friend" because she doesn't have too many people that understand her (besides me?). She had tickets to go to Wonderland (theme park in Canada) and I agreed to go with her, but because I told her I couldn't go on every ride with her twice (personal injuries to the neck/head in the past), she asked the EX to go. WTF! Anyways, apparently he has "broken ribs" so he can't go either..we put this subject on hold..

 

And so I gave her an ultimatum.. me or him, not both. And she'd have to go NC with him for good. Last time she did, she still kept his contact info, which is how she got a hold of him immediately after our breakup. I would have to go thru all her personal data and purge him from her records...If I could, I'd block all his numbers, email, etc..a little bit extreme and insecure of me but what else can I do?

 

She told him NC because we're getting back together, so he agreed, but what does he do? He wants to see her one last time. She didn't answer him, but I know she's contemplating. I told her I'd come too. Honestly, what does he have to say/do other than try to get in her pants? She acted defensive but reluctantly agreed. So what now? Should I even go thru with this? AAAAAAAGH I don't even know if it's worth it. I loved the girl a lot when we were together but a part of me just died inside.

Edited September 11, 2010 by dextm

[Iselia]

After we broke up 1 month ago, she immediately started seeing her ex (her first) after ignoring him for 7 years. I almost broke up with her because she thought of getting closure with the ex while we were in our relationship. She chose me then, and she is choosing me now again because she wants to get back together (I kinda do, too). When we first got together in December, I was so down and unmotivated in life because of all my personal issues..she gave me new life and motivation to improve myself. I am better because of her and she is better because of me. But this ex is putting serious doubt in my mind.

 

She wants to keep him around as a "friend" because she doesn't have too many people that understand her (besides me?). She had tickets to go to Wonderland (theme park in Canada) and I agreed to go with her, but because I told her I couldn't go on every ride with her twice (personal injuries to the neck/head in the past), she asked the EX to go. WTF! Anyways, apparently he has "broken ribs" so he can't go either..we put this subject on hold..

 

And so I gave her an ultimatum.. me or him, not both. And she'd have to go NC with him for good. Last time she did, she still kept his contact info, which is how she got a hold of him immediately after our breakup. I would have to go thru all her personal data and purge him from her records...If I could, I'd block all his numbers, email, etc..a little bit extreme and insecure of me but what else can I do?

 

She told him NC because we're getting back together, so he agreed, but what does he do? He wants to see her one last time. She didn't answer him, but I know she's contemplating. I told her I'd come too. Honestly, what does he have to say/do other than try to get in her pants? She acted defensive but reluctantly agreed. So what now? Should I even go thru with this? AAAAAAAGH I don't even know if it's worth it. I loved the girl a lot when we were together but a part of me just died inside.

 

Talk to her about it. Ask what she's thinking and why she wants to see her ex one last time. Communicate to one other. Honestly, you going along with her while she sees her ex one more time is going to make YOU look bad... Like you can't trust her and she'll resent that.

 

If you absolutely can't trust her and/or deal with her seeing her ex again (or you think she won't stop contacting her ex), then go full out NC, drop her, move on, and live a good life.

[Billie The Puppet]

After we broke up 1 month ago, she immediately started seeing her ex (her first) after ignoring him for 7 years. I almost broke up with her because she thought of getting closure with the ex while we were in our relationship. She chose me then, and she is choosing me now again because she wants to get back together (I kinda do, too). When we first got together in December, I was so down and unmotivated in life because of all my personal issues..she gave me new life and motivation to improve myself. I am better because of her and she is better because of me. But this ex is putting serious doubt in my mind.

 

She wants to keep him around as a "friend" because she doesn't have too many people that understand her (besides me?). She had tickets to go to Wonderland (theme park in Canada) and I agreed to go with her, but because I told her I couldn't go on every ride with her twice (personal injuries to the neck/head in the past), she asked the EX to go. WTF! Anyways, apparently he has "broken ribs" so he can't go either..we put this subject on hold..

 

And so I gave her an ultimatum.. me or him, not both. And she'd have to go NC with him for good. Last time she did, she still kept his contact info, which is how she got a hold of him immediately after our breakup. I would have to go thru all her personal data and purge him from her records...If I could, I'd block all his numbers, email, etc..a little bit extreme and insecure of me but what else can I do?

 

She told him NC because we're getting back together, so he agreed, but what does he do? He wants to see her one last time. She didn't answer him, but I know she's contemplating. I told her I'd come too. Honestly, what does he have to say/do other than try to get in her pants? She acted defensive but reluctantly agreed. So what now? Should I even go thru with this? AAAAAAAGH I don't even know if it's worth it. I loved the girl a lot when we were together but a part of me just died inside.

 

 

Here is the thing you have what many of us dumpees want a possible second chance, now you have to lay down some ground rules and be in control , He who cares leas controls the relationship.

 

Now you have to go into this with trust, respect and understanding. It's a hard battle but if she wants to be friends with an ex while with you can you trust yourself to not let that bother you? Can you trust her to not "cheat"

 

Can you respect yourself enough to place you higher on the pedestal than he is? Can you respect your girl will enough to allow her to freely choose her own friends?

 

Can you understand why she wants to remain friends with her other ex?

 

If you truly are getting this second chance can you go into it with a clean slate?

 

You have to else it won't survive my second chance didn't last a month and I am pining for a 3rd because my 2nd chance took off where the last one ended. However it was a break that didn't really break. So I still see it as I am pining for a second chance.

 

Just a word of advice allowing her to talk to any other guy only makes you look stronger as a Man. Take Jealousy out of the equation and you may be golden.

 

So the real question is can you look at this situation without negatively thinking he can win her back or she may leave you again for him?

 

If you can't it's not worth it. If you can go for the second chance as a new Man.

[dextm]

I honestly don't know. I'm going thru enough of my own personal issues / stress to have to deal with this unknown factor. There may not be an emotional connection with the ex yet but she admitted they have a physical attraction which is why they "kissed" during our breakup. I trust that she won't cheat on me, but I don't trust that ex. Seven years ago, the ex cheated with her, then broke up with her and got another woman preggo. He just broke up with that woman that he got preggo..so I have no clue why my girl would still feel so much for her ex. Because they are both rebounding? She gave him everything and he gave her nothing....oh why oh why is she so weak and stubborn? Why am I so weak!??!

[PegNosePete]

I trust that she won't cheat on me, but I don't trust that ex.

That's a contradiction right there. If you trust her not to cheat then it won't matter what he does. If you trust her then you trust her to say NO to him. If you think that he can talk her into cheating, then you are basically saying that you don't trust her to say NO, whatever he says.

[dextm]

That's a contradiction right there. If you trust her not to cheat then it won't matter what he does. If you trust her then you trust her to say NO to him. If you think that he can talk her into cheating, then you are basically saying that you don't trust her to say NO, whatever he says.

 

Ughhhhhhh, true. I just don't trust her ex to keep his end of the bargain. What's there to prevent him from contacting her? Or her from replying? What if things between us go sour and she needs to turn to someone (again)? She pretty much told me a week ago.....she needed someone to turn to when I'm not there..

 

God I am so insecure and stupid.

[Derekcolns]

Honestly speaking, i don't think so that she should meet her ex-boy friend as she already broke up with him. So, make it clear that she wants to live with you or with her ex-boy friend. Don't let down your feeling for her and if she still your advice then, i think she is not respecting your feelings and it is better to leave her instead of living with pain!!!!