Broke up but it wasnt damaging to us.

[student1990]

Hi everyone

 

Ill make this a simple to understand as it is a bit of a weird one ( To me anyway)

 

Relationship: 5 Months, extremely strong. Good balance of space and seeing friends. After being with previous partners, we both said we havent felt this strong so about someone. Both at uni, living on the same floor at uni. Different flats though, helped the distance when we were together so we weren't in each others pockets. Would say now we were/maybe still are in love. Did speak about the future in 5-10 years together, spoke like it would happen but not planning every detail

 

Problem: Out of uni terms, we live 80 miles apart. Never been a problem. I did miss her but i coped fine. 3 weeks ago the uni stopped for easter holidays. Asked to see her one too many times because she said she had work to do. She did= Became needy

 

After i accepted that, we found out she got a placement in london for 3 months. Wont see one another for at least 4 in reality. started planning too much that i could find a way to see her= Possesive

 

So i became possessive and needy in 3 weeks= Defiantly learnt from that

 

Break Up: She came back sunday, seemed to have already made up her mind. She told me i became these things and history of previous ex's turning out like this because of long distance means she wont risk 4 months.She wanted to split now before we finish uni so we can "remain friends" . after we talked, i eventually agreed but she said she would consider seeing how things are in september.

 

My reaction: I have to say so myself, im pretty proud of the way i handled it. I didnt beg for days on end to take me back. I didnt terrorise her or stalk her. I didnt go round and beg to see her. I made one mistake the night we split saying i needed to tell her something and kinda pleaded to tell her. All i said was i want to be friends and see what happens in september. She said ok thank you but we cant promise it will happen like that. That left me extremely pleased that we could talk.

Did text her the next evening saying i will always love her and im here for her if she wants to talk. But after that i stopped myself texting her so its been nearly 3 days. I saw her tuesday night on a night out and we said hi, i was drunk but kept my cool and said i want to be friends and she said me too then excused herself. Again the positive gave me a high. so it the long run i havent really done too much damage, no shouting, arguing pesistance begging or cry, didnt beg or cry at the time of the break up

 

Since then ive seen her once walk past with 2 of our mutual friends but she didnt say anything and i did speak to her briefly yesterday on facebook and it was a relaxed conversation lasting 5 minutes before we both had to go out.

 

What to do now: What can i do to do lay the foundations of a possible getting back to together? I am trying NC but its hard for the next 2 weeks while we're still here. I have ceased all phone calls and text messages 3 days ago.

 

 

Issues that may slow the process down: 2 weeks of being close living quarters but i dont go to her flat when shes there so NC is always NC.

 

4 months apart without seeing her, how should i go about that, friendly phone calls in a few months time? I do want to hear from her and to just chat and stuff. I will be going to london quite a few times in during her placement so theres possible chances for lunches maybe etc

 

Sorry its long but ive tried to make it readable as possible.

 

M

[monkeymaid]

she broke up with you. ...if you want her back, you move on and stay NC. if she comes back to you then you take it from there. ...she did the damage, she has to make the repair

 

you seem, level headed, so take that for what its worth. no sense in trying to get a girl back that dumped you for wanting to be with her. just sayin

[student1990]

Hey thanks for the reply. Yeah it took ALOT of self control to stop texting after the 3 i sent her a few days a go. Gone nearly 2 days NC which is pretty good consider we are only separated by 2 flat doors and a 10 foot corridor. Its hard seems when i walk to our kitchen and happen to peer out our door and into their flat and see her walking around.

 

Yeah i am gonna wait for her to come to me, i dont think she really had a choice at the time, slightly changes in my behaviour and her sudden change in situation through a spanner in the works for both of us. not making excuses for her just think this story isnt over yet but i wont see for at least a few months when i can see her again.