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intentions of ex?

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Old 14th August 2008, 11:36 AM   #1
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intentions of ex?

I recently contacted an ex to ask how he was doing. It took him nearly a week to reply, but he did asking me a few questions and telling me about his life..starting school, getting a new apartment. In the end, he mentioned perhaps meeting up. Its been a long time since we broke up, almost 2 yrs. The break-up was not mutual as he left me. The main reason for doing so is that I made him feel insecure and kept on pushing him away. I was insecure too. We ended up disputing, hurting each other bitterly. Since then, there was no contact until a few months ago when he initiated contact, a few long e-mails were exchangedin some of them writing that he had changed and regrets ending things the Way he did. In a few of them, he also mentioned casually meeting up and that it would be nice, but I was not ready at the time. Now, I can sure meet him, but its so vague as to why. Ive had feelings for other guys and have been able to be happy without him - but despite feelings being more in control, more sane with other guys, I havent been able to feel that kind of intensity and magic as with him. Why would one even bother to be friends in such circustances? I'm not sure what he's trying to do cos it barely makes any sense to me. I care about him, but Im very afraid of putting myself up for rejection or ridicule again and Im not sure if a friendship would be healthy. Im really indecisive about this though. What do you guys think of the situation? Any similar experiences that can make sense out of it?

Thank you for reading.

Last edited by blackwidow290; 14th August 2008 at 11:48 AM..
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Old 14th August 2008, 12:19 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by blackwidow290 View Post
...he left me. The main reason for doing so is that I made him feel insecure
In truth, we cannot "make" other people feel insecure or anything else. Our actions can trigger their own feelings of insecurity (or love or hate) but they need to take personal responsibility for their own emotional reactions to their own triggers. If he hasn't dealt with the root causes of his insecurity, then he'll just repeat his pattern and end up blaming you again.

I did agree to meet a "former soul mate" after 3 or 4 years, more to find out what, if anything, I still had going on for him. Possibly yours has a similar intention. It took me a few more months of sporadic getting together to reach the conclusion that whatever I used to have about him just wasn't there anymore. I think he felt the same.
The risk, of course, is if you end up realizing that you still have strong feelings for him but his are not reciprocal, or vice versa.
"Good or benign intentions do not provide a defence." ~ Tony Wong, Reporter

Last edited by Ronni_W; 14th August 2008 at 12:21 PM..
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