starcrossedlover Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Okay this is a hugely complicated thing I have going on.... When I was 17 I fell for a guy I had kind of always known growing up, we were friends first and I think thats what made it so intense. He is the kind of guy that makes me feel like I am the only one in the room. And he is someone I think of everyday still. He had a gf and we were friends with benefits....I guess....we were young. I finally told him how I felt and he acted so surprised. A few days later he had a new gf!! So I decided to talk to other guys but still do the friends with benefits thing..... I met my husband of 7 years and told him I was leaving he said "Don't go" It killed me to say goodbye...and he was shocked and I have no doubt in my mind very hurt. My husband and I have 3 kids, and my old love, who I never stopped loving, also has 3 kids, he is soon to be divorced from his first wife. So anyway he came to my mother's house because he thought I was there, and when I found out I was like OMG!! Because I had been asking everyone I thought might know for his number...my husband and I fight constantly....I love him...but not the way I love my old love..... (So I dreamt that he told me he still felt the same way he always had about me....that he was in love with me......in my dream I was like how did you not tell me this before? I have thought of you everyday?! He said me too....so I go "now what?) And the next day I called him and he came over.....the scene was just like my dream but better.........but I was like NOW WHAT?? He said that he would wait for me...I was like maybe when we are 50.........he said "I'll be here" We have been secretly meeting....no SEX involved........I'm not ready for that, I have been faithful to my husband and would have remained if not for the love but my children's sake.....but now I have this person I am still head over heels for willing to risk everything he has for me and I wonder if I should................. I found out something else, I took his virginity......I had thought so, but wasn't sure........should we be together when we can? Stay low key until we're old and single? Or jump the gun so to speak? I can't let him go, I have thought about and missed him every day since we last saw eachother and I will think about and love him until the day I die, Link to post Share on other sites
Author starcrossedlover Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 Yeah that is my reasoning for putting the breaks on the big DIVORCE thing, even though people think I need one considering my husband is somewhat abbusive. My old love is also finalizing his actual divorce, so he would be free.......but yeah SO complicated.....is it wrong to just do the "secret lover" thing...... Link to post Share on other sites
justaman99 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 is it wrong to just do the "secret lover" thing...... Umm yeah! Reverse the rolls. What do you think?! I wonder why you even ask such a question. It's called cheating. You're going to have a few rough responses to this one I am sure. -Just Link to post Share on other sites
Author starcrossedlover Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 Just imagine the most intense love that came before all that has happened and yet still exists....being with him doesn't feel wrong..... Link to post Share on other sites
justaman99 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Then do what needs to be done. Divorce your husband Disband the family Have him divorce his wife Disband his family **** each other's brains out and see if you can make a relationship of it. Regardless of your situation with your husband, which I bet there's some tendencies to paint your situation with him in a bad light to justify what you want to do, don't cheat on the guy. Divorce him first. This should go in the separation divorce section. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starcrossedlover Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 It is not a sex thing....and no I have tried to leave me and my husbands marital issues out of the equation, I should re-iterate he says he will wait for me if I want to wait out my marriage. The other guy makes me feel young and with him I feel that true love could possibly exist.....I can't explain how much he and I have in common......how he ALWAYS gives me butterflies, he has always dropped everything to come to see me, as long as I've known him....btw, he and his wife no longer live together....he has a new gf who is pregnant and due to his divorce pending for child support increase, he is not technically allowed to be with anyone else...ie this new gf......it is so hard to explain the way we feel.....I didn't intend on anything of this sort happening to me......it's like a wild crazy fantasy Link to post Share on other sites
Author starcrossedlover Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 my heart is just going to end up broken here isn't it? Why can't things just be the way you want them? Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Just imagine the most intense love that came before all that has happened and yet still exists....being with him doesn't feel wrong..... sometimes the reality is alot different than the fantasy.. get out of your abusive rs and concentrate on yourself.. your children then decide.. that way you are doing it for the right reasons. i hope it goes well for you i really do.. i loved my 1st love for 11yrs.. he too told me recently i was his first .. was abit shocked.. but honestly the reality of being with him was definatly a fantasy he is still a chovanist no matter how much time has passed.. the ex is an ex for a reason imo i only stopped loving him when i met my current ex and understood what love really was.. Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 my heart is just going to end up broken here isn't it? Why can't things just be the way you want them? because life is a biatch.. simple as;) Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Okay this is a hugely complicated thing I have going on.... When I was 17 I fell for a guy I had kind of always known growing up, we were friends first and I think thats what made it so intense. He is the kind of guy that makes me feel like I am the only one in the room. And he is someone I think of everyday still. He had a gf and we were friends with benefits....I guess....we were young. I finally told him how I felt and he acted so surprised. A few days later he had a new gf!! So I decided to talk to other guys but still do the friends with benefits thing..... I met my husband of 7 years and told him I was leaving he said "Don't go" It killed me to say goodbye...and he was shocked and I have no doubt in my mind very hurt. My husband and I have 3 kids, and my old love, who I never stopped loving, also has 3 kids, he is soon to be divorced from his first wife. So anyway he came to my mother's house because he thought I was there, and when I found out I was like OMG!! Because I had been asking everyone I thought might know for his number...my husband and I fight constantly....I love him...but not the way I love my old love..... (So I dreamt that he told me he still felt the same way he always had about me....that he was in love with me......in my dream I was like how did you not tell me this before? I have thought of you everyday?! He said me too....so I go "now what?) And the next day I called him and he came over.....the scene was just like my dream but better.........but I was like NOW WHAT?? He said that he would wait for me...I was like maybe when we are 50.........he said "I'll be here" We have been secretly meeting....no SEX involved........I'm not ready for that, I have been faithful to my husband and would have remained if not for the love but my children's sake.....but now I have this person I am still head over heels for willing to risk everything he has for me and I wonder if I should................. I found out something else, I took his virginity......I had thought so, but wasn't sure........should we be together when we can? Stay low key until we're old and single? Or jump the gun so to speak? I can't let him go, I have thought about and missed him every day since we last saw eachother and I will think about and love him until the day I die, Before taking things any further with this old love.. you need to make some decesions about the state of your marriage. Do you still love your H? Do you want to stay married and make it work? AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
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