Reuniting with Ex-husband

[kalena9488]

Okay, my ex-husband and I have been divorced for 5 years. We have three kids, a 21 y/o son, a 18 y/o daughter and a 12 y/o son. We were married for 17.5 years when I decided I wanted a divorce. Now, I didn't just decide overnight. We were both in the military for 20 years and are now both retired. But, while we were in the military my husband was gone alot, I was home raising three kids with no family anywhere near by and no support. I did fine and my kids are great but, I always felt like I was missing out on something. It got to the point to where my exh and I felt more like brother and sister than husband and wife. Slowly the sexual desire disappeared. I thought for many years that I was missing out on something and I decided to leave after 17 years. I left my then 16 y/o, 13, y/o & 6 y/o and was transferred back to my home state. I started dating my old HS boyfriend and eventually we married. Well, that didn't work either because he was to self absorbed in my opinion and didn't treat my kids very well. I just decided I wasn't going to put up with that either and I left him as well. I just got a divorce a week ago. Well, my exh contacted me and told me how much he still loves me and wants us to be a family again. Long story short, we have been talking about the possiblity of getting back together since just after Christmas. I had been separated for about 8 months from my 2nd exh. Anyway, my daughter and I went to visit him and my boys for her 18th birthday. (its been five years since she was able to spend her birthday with her dad) But, honestly I think the trip was more for he and I to see if we felt like we could get back together. My daughter is moving to live with him come July becuase she is going to college in his town. So, talks have moved to me going back and living with them. We had a really nice visit and it was really nice to do things together, to spend time with someone who is genuinely nice and funny as hell. Our time together was very relaxing. We were intimate and things were fine. I'm just afraid that maybe he still just isn't the person I want to be with. I've also been thinking that even though I divorced my 2exh because of the treatment of my kids that maybe that was just an excuse. I am very independent and really like living on my own, not answering to anyone. However, I do not like the bar scene and really am not looking forward to dating etc. So, I guess basically my question is how do I know if I should get back with my ex or if I should just stay on my own, continue to be friends with my 1st exh and raise our kids and get them through college together. Or if I should go back to him because, we share so many things in common, even though I may not feel passionatly for him; I know he and I could spend the rest of our lives together. We could have someone to grow old with, someone to travel with, someone to go to the movies with, etc. He knows how I feel and he is willing for us to give it a try and to try and grown our love between each other. Thanks for your perspective.

[witabix]

I think our perspectives on love change as we grow older, and hopefully wiser.

 

Sometimes it is a case of living together as friends after the first flush of love has passed. Then as more time passes the love forms a strong bond between two souls. Not all lusty and exciting maybe, but deeper and meaningful on a different level.

 

You have shared some of lifes most important aspects together.

 

Do you want your independence more than you want a partner, or more specifically this partner? That is a question that has only one right answer, your answer.

 

I hope you make the decision that is right for you, and are happy ever after.

[carhill]

I'd say live on your own for 5 years, then re-evaluate. Alone time brings clarity

 

I'm going to opine that, if you have enough time alone, you will open your mind and heart to something completely new, something you have never had before. That's my wish for you

 

Thank you for your service.