recognise game, before game recognise you?

[itsforthebest]

Hey.. so I decided I need somewhere to air my thoughts.. and possibly get a better perspective on my situation. I've been seeing a guy on and off for 8 months now, it was purely sexual at the start, with me and him seeing each other regularly, but only even going on an actual 'date' once or twice until recently. Anyhow, despite it just being a casual fling..things have developed and I felt we had something real, it felt so right.

 

However, this guy is a player!

 

Anyhow the problem is that he started pursuing me and wanting commitment from me a few weeks ago, he didn't want just casual sex he said he wanted more. Anyhow he's said and done things in the past few weeks that appeared so genuine, attending my bday and just hanging out, talkin, without the sex involved.

 

But last night everything blew up, I blurted out that I didn't think I liked him and it wouldn't work because he's just moved in with some mates, like a bachelor pad and it didn't seem he's in a state to commit. He's hurt me in the past and is the biggest charmer and flirt I have ever met, so clearly i'm reluctant to commit! Also I've been hurt before so I'm probably confusin this guy, I'm constantly putting up barriers and trying not to get hurt and therefore not showing as much feelings as he shows for me.

But yeh after he heard I was unsure about our future, he started swearing, telling me to get out of his house etc standing over me telling me to pick up my things and leave.

 

Within minutes he's chasing me down the street, crying his eyes out apologising. It seemed so true, I may have hurt him rejecting him in a way, but I can't trust those tears, he probably faked them like everything else he has!

 

I think I may have hurt him though when I said I couldn't imagine being with him, but that does not validate his actions, he treated me so badly it really really hurt, ............the person that apparently loves you shouldn't hurt you like that.

 

I msged him today saying it's over, making it clear I want a clear break. He probably thinks he can just give me a call next weekend and it will be sweet. I don't want this.. I know I deserve better but I can't help having feelings for him.. I thought it was real what we had.

 

What should I do...? Move on.. be rational and push my feelings aside despite my love for him. Or.. recognise he's a player thats probably been lying alllllllllllllll along. Who knows he's probably already moving onto the next gurl.

 

frustrated. x

Edited March 24, 2008 by itsforthebest
spelling

[vivrantflo]

Anyhow the problem is that he started pursuing me and wanting commitment from me a few weeks ago, he didn't want just casual sex he said he wanted more. Anyhow he's said and done things in the past few weeks that appeared so genuine, attending my bday and just hanging out, talkin, without the sex involved.

 

I Don't get it.. whats the problem here???

 

But last night everything blew up, I blurted out that I didn't think I liked him and it wouldn't work because he's just moved in with some mates, like a bachelor pad and it didn't seem he's in a state to commit.

 

The relationship won't work cause he got a pad with roomates?? Are you serious??

 

 

I've been hurt before so I'm probably confusin this guy, I'm constantly putting up barriers and trying not to get hurt and therefore not showing as much feelings as he shows for me.

But yeh after he heard I was unsure about our future, he started swearing, telling me to get out of his house etc standing over me telling me to pick up my things and leave. Within minutes he's chasing me down the street, crying his eyes out apologising.

 

So you're admitting that because you were hurt by a guy in the past, you're taking it out on this guy.. that's not fair.

 

And him chasing you down the street crying isn't something that a guy would do if he really didn't want you.

 

 

So you're accusing him of being a player... well, you got involved with him on a physical level before connecting on an emotional level... then you claim that things have developed and that you felt that you had something real.. it felt right... So he changes his tone.. starts pursuing you.. wants something real, and appears to be doing the right things...... then you push him away..

 

What pushed you away after him declaring his feelings for you? You said the past few weeks he was making an effort (hanging out with you, with no sex involved... showing up for your birthday)

 

What did he do to hurt you?? Cheat? Abuse you?

[bejshermanoaks]

First off--you are the one scared of commitment, maybe even more than this guy is. It sounds like to me you freaked out when he wanted something real...I think you are letting your past issues confuse you.

what vivrant says above is dead on..he gets a pad with some dudes and he cant commit? Whats that about? Maybe he doesnt have the $$ for his own place, that doesnt mean he cant commit--it may mean hes low on cash..

 

the guy chased you down the street and you dont understand he likes you?

also, why text him and break up if you love him???

 

Sweetheart you are totally pushing this guy away--you need to remedy this quickly

call him and apologize and say you are scared and freaked out and overreacted...say youre sorry over and over. Tell him how you feel and tell him you want to be in a relationship with him...

 

Do not project your past issues onto this man...woman up here and call him and apologize--you are acting a little like a child and you need to find that strong ADULT woman in yourself, got it? I know you can do it Stop pushing him away, cause the more you do, the more youre gonna get exactly what you DON'T want..

 

good luck, much love to you.

[Takn4Granted]

WHAAATTTTT? I don't get it...there has to be more than this to the story. What did he do to you????? Exactly why don't you trust him; how did he hurt you in the past?????

[itsforthebest]

hmm, whoa sounds like i've confused a few of you. But it's good to get other perspectives. Um there is a lot more to the story to be honest, its just difficult to write that much on here. But he has kissed one of my best friends, always checks out other women, says he take me to dinner and never follows through. But as I was saying before, the main issue and what got me so worked up and upset was how he treated me this weekend. He didn't not allow me a chance to talk to him and be real with him, he was infuriated and swearing at me telling me to leave and standing over the top of me. I felt so insignificant if you like and care for someone, I know I would never want to put them in that position. If these kind of outbursts are something I should learn to live with.. somethings wrong. Hmmmmm.. I just want to talk to him, but I feel things have been ruined. thanks for ur insight guys

[daphne]

it's,

 

Don't listen to the criticism of knee jerk reactions. Once you get one, the rest follow like lemmings. It's clear that you already know what kind of a guy he is and you don't have time to post every detail. I'll assume that you are smart enough to figure out what a player is.

 

It's normal to still have feelings. I do believe the throwing you out was a manipulative ploy to set you off balance and gain hte upper hand. When that doesn't work, he tries tears to get your pity. Often, it'll be used in reverse by women. That's the mark of a highly manipulative person. Good thing you recognized it.

 

This guy doesn't sound healthy at all. His posturing (standing over you) and manipulation are pretty good signs of a control freak. You already know who he is. Just be good to yourself and stay away from him and heal. This isn't love. It's some sort of selfish and immature game. Follow your head on this one. He sounds like he's no good.