5 months since break up;now he doesn't talk to me anymore

[lto007]

It's been 5 months since I got dumped by my boyfriend. I have been severly depressed ever since and finally started to do pretty good a couple of months ago. Started dating other guys again, but nothing serious. Me and my ex have been hooking up on a regular basis since we broke up and the last time was 1.5 month ago. After that he stopped talking to me. I sent him a long (nice) message on myspace asking him if we couldn't stay just friends. He replied and pretty much told me to go to H.

 

He told me several months ago to give him space and leave him alone, something I had a really hard time to do. I live in a small town and we have a lot of friends in common, so of course we always end up bumping in to each other. Every time I tried to practice NC he always ended up contacting me instead, which led me back to square 1.

 

Nothing really happened after the last time we hooked up, so I don't even know why he's being so mean to me. I know he doesn't have a new girlfriend, anf he's ALWAYS out drinking. He's become a big drunk after the break up.

 

I know my only chance to ever talk to him again is to leave him totally alone. I'm leaving the country in a week and will be gone for 2 months. He's also out of town for 2 weeks right now so I won't see him before I leave.

 

I wrote him a message about a week ago asking him if we couldn't just meet up for a beer or so before I leave, because he'll be back in town 2 days before I leave. He didn't reply, and I haven't heard anything from him in about a month now.

 

The last time I saw him was 1.5 week ago, when I ran into him at a bar downtown. We were standing next to each other at the bar and he didn't even say "hi" to me. This happened twice, and finally I walked up to him and told him I thought it was sad that we couldn't even say "hi" to eachother. He agreed with a little giggle, but he was also drunk so I think that had to do with it.

 

I am so sad that me and my ex don't even speak with each other anymore. I have been really nice to hime lately, and I'm doing my best to show him my best side, but it doesn't help at all.

 

Please can someone give me some advice? I'm feeling like crap, and I miss him more and more for every day we're not together. We were only together for 1 year, but we were very much in love. I don't know what to do anymore. I miss him so much...

[panzer6]

Hey 007, I know how you feel. I have been going through the same thing with my ex as well. We would hook up every month and sleep together. She dumped me last year in January. We ended up doing a friends with benefits thing for about 7 months and then she finally told me to get lost. Then 4 months later she calls and acts like nothing happened. This has been going on for about 9 months and I don't understand what she wants from me. Anyway, you sound pretty broken up over him so I know you really love him. He seems to not care about your feelings. He's cool about hooking up with you but doesn't seem to have any consideration for your emotional state. I know what kind of pain you are feeling. It's an ache deep inside you. You feel like your guts have been removed every time you see or talk to him. I'm sorry that you have to endure this. I wish I could make it better for you but I can't, only you can. It's good that you are going away for a while. It will give you a chance to start NC and this time you have to stick to it. Get rid of any contact info you have of him. The only thing that will work for you is time. Hang out with friends, family, go do something you have never done before, like parachuting. It will give you something to concentrate on and help you forget him. You sound like a very nice woman and you deserve to be loved and respected for who you are. With time you will heal and before you know it he will be a distant memory and you will be ready for whoever comes next. Thats the whole point of NC, it's so you can heal and get back to the old you and you will be attractive to someone else. There are no quick fixes, as I have learned. I still love my ex but I realise now that this whole thing has been nothing but grief for me. Time to let go of her. Be strong and rememer you are not alone in this. Post as often as you like on here, I will keep an eye out for you. Be strong 007 !

 

 

Never make someone a priority in your life when they only see you as an option.

[Teddy and Jane]

I'm sorry but it really seems like he has absolutely no feelings for you. He has told you as much. Don't waste your time pining over him anymore. He might have once had feelings for you but he doesn't anymore and while that sucks...it's just the way it is. The writing is on the wall.

Don't ever contact him again, and if you start thinking about him, vanish that thought out. He doesn't owe you contact. He has moved on with his life an doesn't want you in it. He is probably out dating and has very possibly met someone new by now. It's time for you to start moving on, also. It's never going to happen with him.

[lto007]

Panzer6, thanks so much for your reply!!! I sounds like you've been going through pretty much the same stuff as I have, but with your ex gf.

 

So when she told you after you were friends with benefits for 7 months to get lost, what triggered that? See my ex and I have had a really bumpy road after he dumped me. I tried desperatly to get him back, and he told me to give him space. I tried and tried, but you probably know how it goes... We hooked up once or several times a week for 4 months, and now he doesn't speak to me at all. Did the same thing happen to you?

 

I'm really trying to do NC now, but almost every time when I'm drunk I end up texting him, and I now that only make things worse. I still have such a hard time accepting it I guess.

 

So you said that your ex called after 4 months and acted like nothing happened. Were you doing NC the entire time? I'm hoping that my little trip out of the country for 2 months will help, and give him some time to maybe miss talking to me, but I know I can't exspect too much.

 

You said that you and your ex have been seing each other now for 9 months again. Does that mean that you're hooking up again or what?

 

I don't know what I have done that is so bad, or why my ex can't even talk to me anymore, but I really hope that he someday will.

 

Panzer6, good luck with your situation, and remember to not let her drag you down in the mud again. You deserve better than that!!!

 

Teddy & Jane, I really appreciate your response aswell. It's always hard to hear the truth, but deep inside I know you're right, but I also now that people can change their mind over time if you give them time to think, right!?

 

Thank you!

[krzr]

just remember that he broke up with you and your not in a relationship anymore so he can choose to do whatever he wants without having to worry about how u feel about it. just because u had fwb for awhile does not mean ur in the relationship still but being physical and emotional with someone will cause you to think this way that is why no contact is nice it allows u time to think clearly about stuff and focus on yourself without trying to figure out why and how and what did i do when u didnt do nothing at all.

[panzer6]

OK, heres what happened. I was at work on a Saturday, I work for Telus Mobility, cell phone company in Canada. A close friend of hers was killed and she sent me a text mesage saying that she needed to see me. I was with a very difficult client and I was unable to answer her right away. After about an hour I responded and she accused me of being insensitive to her and that I showed her no empathy. I then called her and she told me to get lost and never contact her again. I was stunned to say the least ! I tried to explain to her what happened but she wouldn't even listen. So that was it. I backed off and didn't make any effort to call her at all. 4 months later she calls and wants to talk to me. She says she hasn't heard from me in a while and she wanted to meet for coffee. We talked for a while and ever since then she has remained in contact with me. Whenever she is feeling bad or if something bad happens to her she calls me. I guess in some way I make her feel better, I always seem able to make her laugh. We don't sleep together anymore but last week we went and saw a movie together. It went very well but I could tell she isn't very happy. She is having a bad time at work lately and she is probably going to have to quit her job. I still care very much about her but I don't understand what she wants from me. I guess this is her way of hanging on to me. We were really close and the relationship had alot of passion. I just wish she would tell me what she wants, if I am such a horrible person why does she always come back. I spoke with her on Mother's day, she has 2 young boys who I miss terribly, she was feeling a little down cuz they were with her ex husband but they were coming home soon anyway. She was really happy that I called and she said I was very sweet for doing so. I wished her happy Mother's day and I told her she was an awesome mom.

It has been very hard on me, I miss her and the boys very much but she obviously has issues that come out in relationships. Like I said I don't hate her, I still love and care about her and I just want her and the boys to be happy and safe, thats all.

[Desertgirl]

anf he's ALWAYS out drinking. He's become a big drunk after the break up.

 

 

He agreed with a little giggle, but he was also drunk so I think that had to do with it.

 

...

 

I know that if this person is drinking as much as you indicate, then he is masking his emotions with alcohol. You say he has been drinking heavily? And, let me guess............you don't drink much? if this is so, then........what stands between you and he is the booze. May sound outlandish but it could be true. I have seen this many times.

 

Just a suggestion, take it for what it is worth.....google symptoms of alcoholism and see if it fits? Just a thought and might give you some insight and something you might not have thought of being the problem. If it fits, then frankly he cannot have a relationship with you at this time. this is all about him and not you..........

 

Sorry to say, but the man I am having difficulties with self medicates his problems with wine in the evenings daily. This is alcohol abuse in this case and I am well aware he is doing this to not deal with many emotional things.............I don't drink at all and I know that fact stands out even though he does not say it......

 

Let me know how it goes!

[lto007]

Thanks for your reply Desertgirl! I personally don't think that my ex has a drinking problem, but he's definitely been abusing alcohol as a pain reliever right now, or it seems like. I've been doing the same myself for the last 5 months, and I've been drinking way too much.

We have both always liked going out once in a while, but now after the break up I see him out drinking ALL the time. And how do I know this...because I'm doing the same thing. So he's definitely not worse than me. I know that I've been drinking because I've been so hurt; it makes me feel better at the moment, and it makes me forget about him and the past. So why is he drinking heavily? Is that because he's hurt too, or is it just because he's party deprived?? I sure don't know, and the man doens't even talk to me anymore.

I'm faaar away from the U.S right now, and won't be back until the beginning of July. It feels good having him on a distance, but on the other hand I can't stop thinking about him and if he will talk to me when I get back. I know I can't exspect anything, and it scares me. Miss him so much, especially since he was gonna come with me to my home country this summer. Now I'm here, and he's not. I sent him a message on myspace offering to pay for his plane ticket, but he never replied. So I guess not... I know I shouldn't, but I really want him to come here.