I know i should but a part of me doesnt want to

[Jocelyn]

Ok my guy and I have a three year thing. The first year seemed perfect. Then he broke up with me. He was crying and said that he loved me but that we had problems (who doesn't) It all comes down to him not being able to deal with relationships. He is immature.

 

Well after this break up, things continued like normal. We still were like a couple. Then came the rebound. She was this little high school girl that is obsessed with him. He thought that he could use her to get over me and it wasn't working. She would tell him many times to stop talking to me and he refused. He eventually told her that he had just so she would shut up. During this time, he would tell me to move on but would freak out if he thought I was.

 

Finally I got fed up with it and I told him he had to choose. He stopped talking to her and then everything was fine for about a month. Then there was the girl at his job. When she came into the picture I decided I wasn't going to go through all that again with another girl, so I left. It was about a month later and he called crying and talking about how he missed me and wanted me back. I love him, so I decided to give it another chance. Everything was going great. He even moved in with me and we were perfect. We had little fights but who doesn't.

 

Then the rebound came back into the pic. (the first little girl who is obsessed) Well the problem is that every time we have problems, he goes looking for someone else to tell him how bad he has it with me. Blah Blah... He wants to be vicimized or whatever. So now he is once again trying to convince himself that he likes this girl. His reason was: "She and I have a lot in common. She understands me."

 

Ok...I know he and I don't share all likes but it's not terrible. I said to him, "Ok...you have a lot in common with your best friend (a guy) does that mean you want to date him too?"Relationships are not all about the things you have in common. You can't base a relationship on that. It's nice to share interests but you can't choose who you love and sometimes opposites attract. This girl is young and her interests are likely to change. Then they won't have the love to fall back on. At least he loves me. That's what's sad.

 

The problem is that I know he will come back again. I told him this. I said, "You are not thinking clearly and I know you will come back when I am gone and then it will be too late. I know you love me." He can't deny it because he knows it's true. If he really wanted to be with her, he could have gone back to her instead of coming to me.

 

Now I find myself in a situation....this guy who I met last year called me up the other day. I am suprisingly very attracted and into this guy. I don't know what to do. I know my ex will come back but I don't trust him. I know that he can lie to my face. That hurts more than anything. At the same time, I don't want to give up those three years, but I know he is no good. I am caught between knowing I could do better and wanting to be with him against my better judgement.

 

I don't want to do anything that would harm the relationship if I did decide to take him back(which I am trying to avoid)

I know my ex and he would forever hold it against me if during this time I dated someone else.

 

He was my first everything and it's a "she's mine" thing. I have never even kissed someone other than him. I know he would hold it against me if I did date someone else. I am holding on to that "what if" and it's killing me. This new guy seems great but I don't want to be too quick to trust.

 

I really want to move on. In my mind it's never going to work but he is everything that I know. I love him but sometimes I don't like him. I thought I would spend my life with him but I don't want to be living like this. So this just leads me to give up. I don't know.....should I move on and just take him out of my life permanently or is it worth another chance? I need reassurnace I guess. I know it would kill him to see me with someone else and I don't want to hurt him. One thing I do know is I can't be his friend.

 

I guess I am just not sure this new guy is worth throwing it away. I am worried that he will be worse and it doesn't help that his attitude trips me out. He makes me nervous....really nervous. He is the biggest sweet talker....and very attractive. Isn't this the type of guy I should avoid?

I have decided not to call my ex and have been talking to this other guy.

 

I can't help but feel guilty. I feel like i'm cheating on him. I guess my ex thought it was strange that I didn't' call and he called me. He was actually being nice. I think he knows that I am pushing away from him and it's starting to freak him out.