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The words everyone yearns to hear


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

 
 
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Old 12th August 2006, 1:07 PM   #1
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The words everyone yearns to hear

Last night I was chatting to a friend and it came up that she would be very interested in a book I have. So today I went to find it so I could lend it to her. Well, I happened to open the book up to flick through and I was confronted with the words some people wait their whole lives and never hear. I never knew that message was there. It has been there for about four years I think.

The were the sweetest words I have ever read. Sadly, it is bittersweet because it is all gone now. I destroyed that love because I didn't find the strength in me to overcome my issues.

So to anyone who wonders if the grass is greener or continues to make mistakes that hurt their partner, please don't just think twice, think long and hard before you hurt that person again. I wish I could say thank you to the man who wrote those words to me and I wish I could undo all the hurt I caused him, but I can't cause anymore trouble in his life. If you are lucky enough to find someone that loves you, cherish them, love them and make sure they know it.
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Old 12th August 2006, 1:09 PM   #2
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Ummm... What???
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Old 12th August 2006, 1:12 PM   #3
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I didn't get it either. What were the words?
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Old 12th August 2006, 2:40 PM   #4
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I'm not sure what the words are but her post did make me think. I've been struggling with 'the grass is greener on the other side' & feel so secure in my husbands love for me that I don't think i can even seriously imagine if he were gone........but in reality I know it would only take a matter of days, or even hours after he left me or I left him to know that I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
I am still struggling with decisions but seeing the regret in this post makes me think even more.
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Old 12th August 2006, 6:42 PM   #5
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"You are the most resplendent person I have ever met. I love you with all my body and soul. You complete me."

A sample, the other things I don't think I should post. Basically, a profession of love.

Inapanic, I'm glad that somebody maybe will make something positive to the disaster that I made, do think. Lots of people would say "love" if asked what they wanted the most, it sounds like you already have that.
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Old 12th August 2006, 7:33 PM   #6
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destination_unknown, you have made me cry with two of your responses now....and please don't think that's bad. It's tears I need to cry though I want to stop crying so much so bad. I have screwed up my life terribly & in a way I never imagined I could. I don't have to make it worse by leaving him because I "think" I'm so unhappy because others have made me think there must be something wrong in my marriage for me to have done what I did. I want to go back to loving him like I used to so badly. I dont' want to throw away something that is probably better than I will ever experience again. But my head is so screwed up right now I am so afraid of what I will do.
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Old 12th August 2006, 7:41 PM   #7
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destination_unkown, thank you for this post. Whether or not this is a reality for me, I am actually on the other side of the fence on this issue, and wish it would be true for me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by destination_unknown View Post
The were the sweetest words I have ever read. Sadly, it is bittersweet because it is all gone now. I destroyed that love because I didn't find the strength in me to overcome my issues.
I have also written things in books, and notes, and letters, and cards to my now ex when we were together, and I wonder if, and hope that, he too finds them again, re-reads them, and finally understands the love and apperication I had for him.

Everyday I wonder if he'll ever remember and notice the things I said and did for him, because I loved him so. Like yourself, he has his own insecurities he will not face; he honestly believes he was never "good enough" for me, that I was "never happy", and ended up feeling unappericated because of it. Even though time after time, I did nothing but live and breathe and laugh just for him.

At first I blamed myself, but I honestly know how much I DID love him and feel for him, and none of the things I said and wrote to him were lies; they were all 110% true.
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Old 12th August 2006, 7:49 PM   #8
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Uh oh, didna wanna make you cry! Whatever you decide to do, you must follow your heart. Sometimes it is the hardest thing in the world to follow your heart because your not sure what your heart is telling you at a time of upheaval like your going through. I believe you have done the right thing by ending your affair while you are still married. Maybe you should let some time pass before making a decision until your heart speaks loud again?

You havent screwed up your life, we do what we can in our circumstances. Many, many marriages experience infidelity. We must take responsibility when we do wrong and do our utmost to make amends, but we must never berate ourselves to the point where it becomes detrimental. If your busy beating yourself up for things done in the past its harder to hear your conscience about what is right to do today. Does that make sense?

The answer will come to you.
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Old 12th August 2006, 8:59 PM   #9
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Sorry leopard, I didn't see your post before.

I'm sorry that you have been through what I put my ex through. I was just too blind before, but one day it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I was going through alot of changes with myself, giving up alcohol etc. Suddenly, I just felt what he must have felt when I hurt him. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but its true.

Perhaps somewhere inside, your ex knows how much you loved him and that he did things wrong that hurt you, he just may not be ready to be fully conscious of that. He may be afraid to examine it. It may be part of his lessons of life to face this truthfully at some time in the future & apologise or it may not. I hope that you find somebody who will appreciate all the love you have to give.
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Old 13th August 2006, 6:24 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by destination_unknown View Post
Suddenly, I just felt what he must have felt when I hurt him.

I think this is closer to what most of us would like to hear.
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Old 13th August 2006, 9:53 PM   #11
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The words everyone yearns to hear

Yeah, this has my vote for most disappointing thread .

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Old 14th August 2006, 9:26 AM   #12
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I agree those are the words everyone yearns to hear.

They are the most important words ever heard in a lifetime and to be able to say them back -mean them with all your heart- is a phenomenal state of being.

It's easier to say "I love you" to your children, your mom, your siblings, and your friends than to a romantic partner. In order to say those words to a romantic partner, you have to meet certain criteria involving trust that must be built -not 'grafted' in like with family or children- and the emotion, itself, has to grow to attain certain aspects, characteristics, and a level of integrity that's somehow tougher to acheive than with the rest.

I think anytime any one of us feels love towards anyone else, it's life's means to change us -rework us into better humans- but romantic love is especially designed to bond people in such a unique way that it makes sense that it's the most difficult to acheive. Maybe it's because one of it's 'must haves' is the development of an element of greater trust.

And trust is a hidden issue with most humans whether you've had bad experiences or not; it's probably there among the cobwebs.

Feeling at least, some twinge of regret when you miss an opportunity to say "I love you" to someone applies to nearly any circumstances -and it's almost always fear (of some kind) that keeps you from saying it.

We rationalize the importance of saying the words, we deny someone knowing how we feel, -not because the words weren't there on the tip of our tongue but because we think we might be shot down, feel silly, or that the emotion won't be returned.

*We must realize that love doesn't come with a guarantee that we will always receive what we give -and that what we give is all we hope to gain from it in the first place.*

Something happens to *you* when you let that particular emotion -in its most vulnerable, pure state- leave your heart and your lips. It's an unselfish act -probably one of the most unselfish acts there is.

I realize that what I've said here seems to have little to do with IAP's first post where she discovered those intimate words written by her ex in the pages of a book he left behind, -but I think it's important to realize that similar words said, written -or even tattooed somewhere- are *always* best never kept to ourselves.

The words that describe how deeply someone loves you -eloquently spoken or humbly delivered in the simplest terms- have impact and possesses the potential to change us -grow us- and force us to at least, pause for a moment and consider how lucky we are to have been touched by even a small dose of it. And luckier if we were able to give it back.

Take Care.

-Rio

Last edited by riobikini; 14th August 2006 at 9:41 AM..
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Old 14th August 2006, 12:48 PM   #13
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Post riobikini

Awwwwww......

What a wonderful post!

"I love you"...I think it's important to realize that similar words said, written -or even tattooed somewhere- are *always* best never kept to ourselves.

I loved it!

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