"It's almost as if... I don't know, he misses you too."

[silentcharon]

It's been nearly a month of NC now. I miss him terribly, but I'm doing all right. Well, sorta.

 

My friend came over the other day for some coffee and we had a good visit. Just before she left, she commented that my ex talks about me often. "It's almost as if... I don't know, he misses you too."

 

I reminded her my reasons for going NC, explaining that I felt it was the best thing for us right now, especially for myself so I could move on. I just couldn't deal with his indecisiveness, even though I tried and tried to be friends with him. The boundaries I drew were crystal clear and yet my ex kept crossing the line. I repeatedly told him it's either all of me or nothing of me. I am a little bitter towards him right now.

 

"It's too bad you can't see how you two look at each other every time you guys meet, it's so obvious you two still love each other." My friend told me. I have run into my ex at mutual friends' parties- I don't talk to him. He'd come over to say hello with a smile on his face, I think he'd hope that would be the end of the nc. I'd say something like, "I'm doing well, there's some people here I haven't seen in a while, I'm gonna go talk to them, talk to you later." And that would be the end of our contact for the night.

 

Every one is convinced that we will end up back together and get married some day. Even my own mother- "When are you guys getting married?" She would laugh. "Mom... we broke up!" I would tell her. "I don't care, when?"

 

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind hearing about the ex- the point of nc was so I could re establish my emotional and physical boundaries, to give myself time to be away from him. To give him time to decide what he wants, without me in the equation, and to heal. I keep reminding myself we need nc to figure out who we are as individuals, because it's been always "us". In the end, whether we get back together or not, I'd like to believe we both will come out better as a result. That's one of my hopes.

 

It's so hard, knowing that this man is still in love with me and yet doesn't know what to do. It's not like he cheated on me, abused me or anything- he was everything I could ever ask for. Oh well, I'll be fine.

 

On a side note, I'm due to start school in a month, and I'm getting really excited. I got approved for money for my interpreters, so that's one less thing to worry about. I haven't heard about my tuition loans, so I am getting nervous about that because the last day for payment is on sept 19. I hope I'll get to meet new people, make new friends and broaden my horizions so to speak. I'm nervous. I feel wonderful, it makes me happy thinking about school, that I'm finally doing something for myself that I've always wanted to do for so long.

 

Just wanted to write and vent a little. I hope everyone is doing well today!

[KittenMoon]

Hey! I am glad to see you got your interpreter funding! It still baffles me, coming out of the school I did, that you need to apply for that. And I still can't PM you to tell you where I went to school!

 

Oh.... and guys are dense. Freakin exes.....

[laRubiaBonita]

well NC is the best.

 

Besides.... all this about your ex is hearsay.... not saying it cannot be true, but maybe Everyone just wants to see you two together, they have lost sights of what is best for YOU.

[johnnytable]

Of course he misses you, that doesn't mean that you should be together though.

 

If you are serious about this breakup, which I hope that you are, then you need to set your friends and family straight. I know that they don't always get it.