Where do I go from here?

[Bohdi10]

I wish I read this thread about a month ago. I got dumped a month ago after a 9 month relationship. I called, text messaged, emailed, and sent her stuff in the mail for a week straight. She told me we weren't meant to be and that she was interested in another guy. It took her that week to get that out of her and she ended up being mad at me and telling me that I had to stop obsessing over it.

 

I stopped contact for about two weeks until I found out she was going to the concert I invited her to with the new guy when she told me she really didn't like the band. So I of course hearing this through friends when we were drinking , I called her nonstop throughout the night asking why she was doing this, I text her and emailed her.

 

She text me the next day telling me that she wasn't ready to talk to me, followed by the next day her emailing me and saying that I had to stop contacting her altogether or she was going to contact the police.

 

Man did I blow this one and feel really stupid. So I called and left a message to tell her not to call the police over something so stupid. That I was sorry for calling alot but that I was just upset.

 

So she called my friends and told them that her dad was up visiting her and had picked up the phone and told me never to call again.(which was a lie because I just left a message)

 

So my friends told me this and I told them it was a lie so it was just getting out of hand and why did she have to lie to make me look bad?

 

She still had some of my things and I was still upset about all the lies and mess that was coming about from this so I emailed her a week later and was like I would like my stuff back and she could mail it to me if she didn't want to see me. I also told her that this lies and anger towards each other was stupid and that it didn't need to continue. I told her that I was sorry for all the arguments and calls throughout the break up but for her to stop trying to make me look bad.

 

This was about two weeks ago and I'm still upset about our break up. I haven't contacted her in any way but am still down about the whole thing. Is it normal to feel this way? I go out with friends and try to keep busy but it just seems like I go out with friends who are married or engaged and it's not so exciting. She got all the power and I feel like I was left in the dust. Any advice on where to go from here? Was a wrong throughout this breakup??

[binevrywear]

Well, you know yourself that you handled this badly. You can't change the past, but from now on, you can do things right by starting the process of moving on.

 

First of all, forget about picking up whatever stuff she has over at her place. Call the monetary value you lose on it a breakup tax. Write it off. Then, write HER off. Go through the dozens of threads here concerning NO CONTACT. Print out the best posts, hang them around various places in your place so you can read them over and over and over again.

 

They've helped me get through it. It is hard to do, but if you have discipline, it will work out and you'll start to feel better about yourself. Don't worry, it is totally normal to feel bad right now, especially thinking of her with someone else.

[Naive]

Leave her alone. It's understandable that you feel bad, but do not harass the poor girl. It's okay to vent and it's normal to feel bad, but there are boundaries. If she asked you to stop calling then do so! That's not going to make her go back with you; on the contrary, that's probably what's pushing her farther away from you.

[dr strangelove]

You can actually go with the police to get your stuff.

 

I was in a situation where my ex had my stuff, she held on to it to hold on to me. Its a great excuse to keep in touch with someone.