fooled Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 It is hard to not think about her tonight. Last year this weekend we were attending the Fangoria convention - both as guests - and it was amazing - until she didn't show up in the room after the bar closed. She kept going outside to smoke with other guys. At one point, I remember - for the first time in my life, I begged - her not to go and stay with me. She dismissed me. I couldn't find her anywhere. I was drunk - got pissed - packed my things and left for home. On the way, I got a call from her saying she was looking for me (where - the bar was closed - she was obviously with someone else). We made up. In hindsight - I should have split right then. But I was in love and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I am home tonight - alone - while she is partying with all of the friends I have cut out of my life because of the association with her. And I hate her - and I miss her. I miss the illusion of being the man in her life. I really want to be the man in someone's life. It's hard here in LA. So hard. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 F- I am so sorry! I hate memories that take you backwards... it is sooo unproductive... My heart goes out to you - and I hope that you will find someone to make you laugh and forget all about the memories of her... hang tough buddy! XO 2sunny Link to post Share on other sites
Love Hurts Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 You don't do lonely well and your lonely all the time. Sorry to hear of your love loss.. Life is like that. Sometimes we are in that euphoric place in life. We are in love, it is all so perfect and we are grateful that we have arrived in a place with that one person we couldn't even have imagined being with and now they call you love .... Love is an amazingly beautiful gift from God............ .............. One evening, the moon is full and bright, the stars are dancing in the clear sky. The air is perfect, the setting awesome. Your heart is full as it beats out an involuntary song bursting with emotions. While the setting is perfect.. Love simply ditches us and leaves us standing in that place. We feel the same. The scenery is the same.. but love is alone with no love in return... Ouch........... it hurts..... How can it be that love can leave us when we hardly had a chance to know it? I linger here to long sometimes, recalling what was and I know what isn't... I have to ..let go to *gain.. again in my walk of life. But just for a moment tonight, I recall sweetly how love lifted me higher than I ever thought I could fly. It was sweet, it was grand. Maybe I should be thankful. Thankful,that if for nothing else, at least I now know what true love feels like. I was there. Have a good night. Some memories are worth recalling. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 I know, it's painful right now. Hold on tight. There is a better tomorrow. Love is tough. Love is blind. Love makes you tune out the worst in a person. You start to acquire a glossy-sugar coated image of the individual without seeing the entire picture. You loved her then, there was reason for that. You did the best you could, and now you can move forward with what's left of you knowing that you did love. I can't believe a woman could do that to a man! There are better women out there. Opportunities will come, you just watch. Link to post Share on other sites
Kittiecat Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Think about this: You might not miss HER. It might be that you just miss having someone. Or you might miss that FEELING. Damn, everyone has felt it at one time or another, I'm sure. But no, the chick should not be smoking with other guys or hanging out with your friends behind your back. You know that you are way better off. It blows uncontrolably, I'm sure, but I do believe that stupid saying that there are plenty of fish in the sea. It's counterproductive to dwell on the negative feelings. Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 ...but I do believe that stupid saying that there are plenty of fish in the sea... I believe it, too. But they seem to know when you're fishing. When I could actually use a decent fish, I catch mostly old boots and sticks. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Fooled, Everyone experiences those random thoughts, even after a long period of time. Time does not erase a memory, -it only buffets you from the *interaction* of the pain at *intervals*. Intervals that can last for undetermined periods. And interaction that is fresh and very much physical, -or interaction that is dulled by the space of time, and only fueled by a memory. If you take the time to recognize it, whenever you experience these memories, they become a little less 'important', -all because of how *you* have progressed, how you are healing- in regards to all the physical and emotional changes in your outlook, -and your life. Getting over someone 'bad' for you does not mean you can erase thier effect on your life -nor 'forget' your experiences with them. It means *you learn to live with the memory*. And how well you do that depends on how cozy you are with the idea of truly *accepting* the fact it's over. Shutting down the relationship is not necessarily synonymous with shutting out *all* the memories and the emotions they can cause. Everytime you are 'hijacked' by a random memory, it's a good exercise (one that we don't exactly relish) that produces the opportunity to see how well we're doing with the 'dealing with it' part of recovery, -the 'hinge' to the cage that has the ability to give us freedom from the failed relationship. Coping with memories of an ex can be excruciating, especially at first, but at each subsequent interval they present, they should (over time) , become a little less 'important' and allow for our stronger (and still developing) coping skills to defend our emotional territory, and provide a means of 'escape'. It *does* get easier as you progress farther down the 'Post Breakup Road', if your natural recovery mechanisms are working properly. If it doesn't, fooled, -then you know what I'm going to say: see a counselor. There's no shame in relying on a professional for help with *any* kind of pain, -emotional or physical. Fact. And fooled, feeling a little lonely, sometimes, is something we all deal with. I realize, though, that the feeling of lonliness just emphasizes the pain of those memories. Just remember you have come so far, and the worst of it is over. Time is worth nothing, if not to learn from our past and act as a balm to heal us. (Smile) Take care, (it was a nice surprise -even under the circumstances- to hear from you...was wondering how/where you've been.) ('nother smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 I hate these memories. I even avoid mutual friends because of her, avoid her city as "why do I need to talk to her close friend" Everytime I drive past an area I remember seeing her walking past me, she was pissed at me for not picking her up in the rain, it was before we got together. Not much one can do with memories other than confront them and keep moving forward. Desensitize your heart to some of those feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts