MissTiss Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 I just wondered if anyone has learned anything from their past relationships and is willing to share them. Here is my experience: I have had three serious relationship, one almost resulted in marriage...thank God that didn't come to fruition. It took this last break up ( a kind of out of left field one at that ) to fully recongnize a problem that I have and at this point I REFUSE to let it happen again. We all have baggage. It's is the natural order of things, and we all tend to carry it around to some degree and use it to hold hearts in check when we start a new relationship. My ex-fiance left for work one day and told me goodbye and called me that night and said he wasn't coming home again....ever. Well of course, that was devasting and I have harboured a kind of hatred for him ever since. Fast forward a few years to the present and I have abandonment issues, naturally. And I shared them with my new boyfriend. We had the kind of relationship that was all out in the open, full of truth and I loved it, because it is something I have always loved and wanted in a relationship with someone. I was feeling fullfulled in all the ways that my life wasn't fulfilled as a single person--not saying I am not fulfilled as a single gal, because I am. I love my own company and "hang out" with myself frequently. Anyway, I didn't realize it at the time, but in the back of my mind I knew this new love of mine was going to fail, he was going to leave like all the rest, etc etc etc. Well, he did. And I realize that I played a part in it. I self fullfilled prophecy. What an eye opener. I talked to him about this after he left and come to find out, he did too. He has always dated girls who loved him for what he could give them, or status. These girls would break up with him multiple times, usually after a disagreement over something silly, only to come back a little while later begging for another chance. It hurt him, more than he was willing to share, so of course I didn't know this. I found out that he feared me hurting him--much like I expected him to do to me. In the end, we sabatoged our relationship, because we expected things to go the same way as our past ones. After all---history did seem to repeat itself alot in our pasts. After that realization, among others, I have decided that I am not going to let what happened in past relationships affect how I love the person in my current one. Sure, I will always remember the hurt, but I can't automatically assume that all men are the same. That all men leave instead of work it out. I can't expect that, because then I secretly become exactly what men hate. On the other hand, When my new ex and I talked about this subject, he told me that I was right, that it is unfair to project the past into the present, but that he just wasn't that way. I guess he isn't at a point in his life where he can't get truly passed the past and deal with how his ex-girlfriends treated him. It's a shame too, he flat out told me that I don't deserve to be treated how he is treating me, but that he can't help it. I just hope that one day he can find peace about what happened with those girls, and with me. I suppose in a hour or so I will hate him...it all fluctuates, but right now, I am proud of a lesson learned. Anyone else learn anything? Link to post Share on other sites
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