GoingDownSwinging Posted May 21, 2006 Share Posted May 21, 2006 I posted this on the other man/other woman board...but I'm a regular here on the break up and coping boards because I just recently got out of a very intense relationship...so I figured I would solicit ya'lls advice as well.... I am best friends with a couple who have been dating for nearly 5 years. I met the girl first and began to hang out with her and then met her boyfriend a short while after meeting her. We have all 3 grown very close to each other. They were just recently engaged and she has asked me to be in the wedding. This past week, she left town to go back to her hometown to do some wedding planning. Since I stayed in town, the guy and I had made plans to hang out (of course I discussed this with the girl and she said it was absolutely ok). This past tuesday, he called to see what I was going to be doing that night and I invited him to go out with me and some of my girlfriends. By the end of that phone conversation, he had admitted to me that he had developed feelings for me. I brushed it off and chalked it up to him just being lonely (and maybe having an innocent crush). Last night, he ended up at the same bar that I was at. To make a long story short, we ended up having a very in depth discussion about his feelings for me and he admitted that he is "infatuated" with me and a physical and emotional level. I am a wreck right now. I haven't done anything to warrant these feelings from him, except be myself. I have never given the vibe that I was interested in him, and until this past week we have never even hung out without his fiance, but I still feel like the bad guy. I am beggining to think the only solution is for me to completely distance myself from them because I don't want their relationship to end. Sorry if it seems like I'm babbling...I'm just super confused...please help. Link to post Share on other sites
GB111 Posted May 21, 2006 Share Posted May 21, 2006 Do you have feelings for him? Sounds like you do or this wouldn't be an issue. Either way, he's engaged and is making a lifelong promise to another woman. I wouldn't necessarily avoid his fiance, but I would not put myself in any position that would leave me alone with him again. GB Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoingDownSwinging Posted May 21, 2006 Author Share Posted May 21, 2006 I absolutely have no feelings for him. I am just feeling guilty that somehow I have caused him to lose affection for her. I'm just going to distance myself and hope that it works. Link to post Share on other sites
2020vision Posted May 21, 2006 Share Posted May 21, 2006 This is a crazy situation..like something out of a movie. I really feel bad for his fiance, that she is marrying someone who has feelings for someone else, and has even voiced those feelings....Its almost like you should tell her. It is a very good thing that you don't have feelings for him, because that would complicate things even further. I suggest you face it head on and tell him how you don't have feelings for him, and that he is being very inappropriate and putting you in a bad position. You have done nothing wrong, so you should stop beating yourself up for this. (Hopefully you are not beating yourself up literally...lol ) Link to post Share on other sites
francis Posted May 21, 2006 Share Posted May 21, 2006 Have you thought about whether to tell your other 'best friend' in this equation, that the man she is soon to marry feels this way about another girl. She would be devastated, undoubtedly. And maybe its not your responsibility to tell her. It depends on how you feel towards her. I certainly think that you should distance yourself completely from both of them at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoingDownSwinging Posted May 21, 2006 Author Share Posted May 21, 2006 i have thought long and hard on whether to tell her or not and I have decided that since I do not have feelings for him, and I know there will never be anything between me and him, that I am not going to tell her. I feel like it is more his responsibility since he is the one with the feelings. I just can't get rid of these feelings of guilt. I feel so guilty for "stealing her spotlight" per say. I am also deeply saddened by the prospect of losing my frienship with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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