Hard breakup with first girlfiend.

[motus]

Hi,

 

I am new here and I have just gone through a break up, one which I am responsible for - well my actions are.

 

I met this beautiful girl, and I have been with her for 6-8 months or so - it was never dating, but I told her that I love her, after we "broke up" once. We were together than for three weeks, and I told her everyday I love her. I was often moody however, and often took it out on her, and was undecided. She has now left me for good, and I really don`t think I will be able to replace her.

 

I really didn`t take the break up well, at first I told her I am okay with it, then I begged her to come back, and at a 21st birthday I got really drunk and just would not leave her alone, trying to convince her to come back to me. One of my best buddies had me kicked out, even though I was still not 100% sober. She told me she hates me, and now she doesn`t even speak to me., and if I try to approach her she tells me to leave her alone. She says she is already over me, two weeks later, and has found somebody else, but I don`t know about this, because she is not like that. I have sent her flowers, with choclate and a cd just to say sorry, she didn`t even thank me. I have tried to contact her, I don`t get a reply. I want to follow the non-contact policy, but its hard, and I have been bugging her. I always believe I can change her mind.

 

I know this will be all bygones in the future, but dealing with it in the present is so hard, given that exams are coming up, and that she is at the same faculty with me, and that she is friends with my friends.

 

Can someone tell me how to deal with this? We do have to see each other, and I don`t want to loose my friends, because these things (breakups) bring out the worst from me. This is the first time in 2 and a half years that I have started drinking and smoking. So this is really not good for me.

 

I feel and look like an absolute ass for making such a scene at such an occasion. I want to know what I must do, and how do I forget her and move on. I dont want to harp on this, and be this angry "thug" that its making me. Its really a rollercoaster ride, sometime I feel back up on top, and then I am in the ugly pits again. She was my first girlfriend, and true love. She broke up with me after a rough weekend, where I asked her for some time to get some perspective. Three days later she said she wont give me the time, and that she doesnt want to.

 

Sometimes I wonder whether she was worth it though, I mean relationships are often rocky when you are so young, and things don`t just settle down.

 

How do I forget her, and then move on and not think about it. I want my life back, and I want to one day talk to her for some closure. At present she avoids me.

 

Any advice?

[littlepiggy1]

First of all, you're not going to change her mind. You can't make that choice for her. The sooner you realize that, the better.

 

As much as you are attempted to call her, talk to her, etc, resist the urge. I went through the same thing. When I broke up with my first love (recently), I was extremely tempted to call her. It's been over 2 months and I'm still tempted. But giving into that just opens up the wounds rather than letting them heal.

 

What I did, was I had a friend who listened to me. Whenever I was tempted to call my ex, I called this friend instead. Talking and getting the emotions out helps, but you can't do that with your ex. Do it with a friend or family member who you can talk to.

 

It also helps to make new social connections or reconnect with friends. Get out and do something. Take up a new hobby, sport, whatever. Join a club. Just do something to distract yourself and give you social support while you heal. It's much easier to begin the healing process doing something active or productive rather than dwelling on the past.

 

And it's true, time does make the process better. It just takes awhile, though.

[motus]

Thanks for the advice, I just can`t accept the finality of it. She was there for pretty much 7 or 8 months, we spoke everyday and I saw her everyweekend. Its like an addiction, you are so used to it. Even the night on which I told her I needed some perspective we were intimate and I told her I love her many times. The next day I was very jealous at a party and gave her a hard time about it, which I regret. I don`t know, but I have been growing jealous of her and how she is with my friends. Thats what really hurt her the next day. Two days after that she told me she won`t give me time, and its overs. She did end it off with me before, but we got back together for 4 or so weeks. I wish we could just talk about it and work it out, but she won`t say a word to me about it, and claims she is over it and also that she has met someone new. That hurts so so so much. I never thought she would leave me and hurt me like that. What scares me is that I will never meet a person like her.