Don't Know How to Fix this Problem...

[2020vision]

So, I should be feeling awesome this weekend, but I am not.

 

On Friday I traded in my car and bought a Mercedes E class. It is reallly nice and I am really happy about it. But, I thought it would make me ecstatic, but now all I can think about is my ex. I keep on thinking how nice it would be to be driving around with him in my new car and how much he would like it. You know that saying that goes "the good things in life mean nothing unless you have someone to share it with"? (or something like that) Well that keeps running through my head...Then, as I am thinking this today on the road, him and his girlfriend drive by me...He has no clue I bought this car so he didnt even see me. But it was the s***tiest feeling to see them together. Just last weekend he was calling me like crazy wanting to hang out with me. I really thought I was past all this..

 

I just miss the little things about being with him, or maybe just someone. Like today, I get all ready to go down to the pool at my complex and I get there and realize that the whole place is full of couples and suddenly I got this overwhelming lonely feeling and ended up not going. I hate feeling alone like that. I am so sick of this feeling.

 

I have so much good going on in my life and don't really want this loser in it, but my heart has not caught up. I am beginning to think that the only way I am going to get over this is to be with someone else and make new memories,but I cannot find someone I "click" with. I am overall pretty happy, but feel like I am at a standstill in getting over this breakup. Any tips on how to get over this plateau would be fabulous....

 

Thx

 

-2020

[jerbear]

I say, get the MB SL convertible, put the vanity plate HRTBRKR on it. Drive past him. If he tries to speed up, you can still beat him.

 

I think what you are doing it fine, getting stuff for yourself making yourself happy with things you need.

 

Now I would suggest hanging with friends and that includes friends who are couples. Learn something new like basket weaving or pottery making.

 

Him calling you was just he was lonely and seeing if he still has a hold over you. Since you saw him with a gf, forgive? and forget about him. Speed up past him if you have to for symbolic reasons as in moving on and leaving him behind.

 

So, I should be feeling awesome this weekend, but I am not.

 

On Friday I traded in my car and bought a Mercedes E class. It is reallly nice and I am really happy about it. But, I thought it would make me ecstatic, but now all I can think about is my ex. I keep on thinking how nice it would be to be driving around with him in my new car and how much he would like it. You know that saying that goes "the good things in life mean nothing unless you have someone to share it with"? (or something like that) Well that keeps running through my head...Then, as I am thinking this today on the road, him and his girlfriend drive by me...He has no clue I bought this car so he didnt even see me. But it was the s***tiest feeling to see them together. Just last weekend he was calling me like crazy wanting to hang out with me. I really thought I was past all this..

 

I just miss the little things about being with him, or maybe just someone. Like today, I get all ready to go down to the pool at my complex and I get there and realize that the whole place is full of couples and suddenly I got this overwhelming lonely feeling and ended up not going. I hate feeling alone like that. I am so sick of this feeling.

 

I have so much good going on in my life and don't really want this loser in it, but my heart has not caught up. I am beginning to think that the only way I am going to get over this is to be with someone else and make new memories,but I cannot find someone I "click" with. I am overall pretty happy, but feel like I am at a standstill in getting over this breakup. Any tips on how to get over this plateau would be fabulous....

 

Thx

 

-2020

[2020vision]

Thanks for the advice. I guess I just need to look at it in a different light. I need to be more positive about it. Its weird how a break up can change your point of view on life isn't it?? Like a year ago, if I would have gotten this car, I would have been like the happiest person on earth. but now, I get something really nice for myself and I find a way to make myself feel s***ty about it. The glass is half full starting today!

[sick of it]

listen...dont feel bad about it...my breakup has made me grow up so much. (not that i thought i was immature) but i look at everything through older, more experienced eyes it feels like.

youve learned the hard way, like a lot of us, what really matters to us. theres nothing we can do to change what happened and thats the worst part. though we may feel differently and know how to be now....we cant do it because the other person is gone.

are you really only 19? how do you have a mercedes???...and can i have a ride?

[riobikini]

You're in the phase that goes like this:

 

It's over (no, it's still here), I'm better off without you (but I'm not doing so well without you), I never think about you anymore (lie, brave lie) I can live without you (but I feel like dying, crying, lying in bed), you can't ever touch me again (tho I want you to), you don't deserve me ( but I would give myself to you, anyway), you're such a fool, you don't know what you're missing (but I would love one more chance to try and make you see), you're such a loser and I can do so much better than you (but it's only you I want), and I don't miss you (what a lie!), and I certainly do not love you, at all (Yes I do! Yes, I do! Yes, I do!).

 

If any of that applies to you, -you may just be in acute *"backslide mode"* of emotional withdrawal.

 

Lots of folks go through it.

 

It's the blind-sight impact of returning emotions after you thought they were -for the most part- settling very well.

 

It's the last stages of denial coming to knock again, just to make sure you really meant to kick it out of your system.

 

*Denial* would love to come back and keep you in the stew for a while longer. And those rose-colored glasses....

 

*Self-doubt* wants a revisit, too. It wants you to "be sure" over and over and over again, that you didn't make a mistake in closing the door.

 

*Loneliness* never left, in the first place, but promises that, if you take your ex back, he'll comfort you.

 

These are just a few of the major emotions which will keep trying to gain footholds in the aftermath of a breakup.

 

They are there to defend what they believe is "love"....but that determination shouldn't be left up to those particular emotions.

 

And those returning emotions insist on your full attention, but if you give in to any one of them, there is always potential to remain longer in the very stage you are in presently, -or more damaging- lose lots of important ground in your recovery from the breakup.

 

Most everyone will encounter these persistent emotions and look for ways to combat them.

 

You already know the answer is 'NC'.

 

But actually dealing with the feelings that seem to offer hope and vague possibilities that lie somewhere "out there" , faintly glimmering, and which cause you to doubt whether or not you gave it all you had, -is an effort requiring super strength, and the support of others.

 

I suggest you make lots of people contact and try to connect with, at least, one other very close friend you can speak freely about your thoughts with.

 

Verbalizing in-person, those thoughts and feeling with someone else is great 'therapy'. And you need someone to help you reinforce your resolve with your decision.

 

And keep posting in the boards.

 

It's just a rather hard bump in the road for you, 2020, but there's better road up ahead.

 

*Stay focused.*

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[2020vision]

Oh dear how embarrassing I guess I need to look at my profile everyonce in a while, typos at their finest! If you must know, I am going to be 26 in a month. Wow, feels weird to even write that, makes me feel so old..yikes I am on the downward slope to 30.

 

Anyways, I am a life insurance agent. I am pretty successful this year. If you are on the west coast, you are more than welcome to have a ride!

 

Sometimes I just need to come back down to earth and realize that my life is great, and would never be this fabulous if I had the loser in it.

[2020vision]

You're in the phase that goes like this:

 

It's over (no, it's still here), I'm better off without you (but I'm not doing so well without you), I never think about you anymore (lie, brave lie) I can live without you (but I feel like dying, crying, lying in bed), you can't ever touch me again (tho I want you to), you don't deserve me ( but I would give myself to you, anyway), you're such a fool, you don't know what you're missing (but I would love one more chance to try and make you see), you're such a loser and I can do so much better than you (but it's only you I want), and I don't miss you (what a lie!), and I certainly do not love you, at all (Yes I do! Yes, I do! Yes, I do!).

 

If any of that applies to you, -you may just be in acute *"backslide mode"* of emotional withdrawal.

 

Lots of folks go through it.

 

It's the blind-sight impact of returning emotions after you thought they were -for the most part- settling very well.

 

It's the last stages of denial coming to knock again, just to make sure you really meant to kick it out of your system.

 

*Denial* would love to come back and keep you in the stew for a while longer. And those rose-colored glasses....

 

*Self-doubt* wants a revisit, too. It wants you to "be sure" over and over and over again, that you didn't make a mistake in closing the door.

 

*Loneliness* never left, in the first place, but promises that, if you take your ex back, he'll comfort you.

 

These are just a few of the major emotions which will keep trying to gain footholds in the aftermath of a breakup.

 

They are there to defend what they believe is "love"....but that determination shouldn't be left up to those particular emotions.

 

And those returning emotions insist on your full attention, but if you give in to any one of them, there is always potential to remain longer in the very stage you are in presently, -or more damaging- lose lots of important ground in your recovery from the breakup.

 

Most everyone will encounter these persistent emotions and look for ways to combat them.

 

You already know the answer is 'NC'.

 

But actually dealing with the feelings that seem to offer hope and vague possibilities that lie somewhere "out there" , faintly glimmering, and which cause you to doubt whether or not you gave it all you had, -is an effort requiring super strength, and the support of others.

 

I suggest you make lots of people contact and try to connect with, at least, one other very close friend you can speak freely about your thoughts with.

 

Verbalizing in-person, those thoughts and feeling with someone else is great 'therapy'. And you need someone to help you reinforce your resolve with your decision.

 

And keep posting in the boards.

 

It's just a rather hard bump in the road for you, 2020, but there's better road up ahead.

 

*Stay focused.*

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

 

Thank you Rio,

 

I think the backsliding started last weekend. I did not answer his phone calls or return his emails but, he left me one voicemail that said "I can't do this anymore, you are the only thing I can think about. I need to see you" He was probably drunk or something and is obviously not sincere, as I have not heard from him since his voicemails/emails and then saw him with his gf. But, his words just keep ringing in my head. Guess thats where the delete feature on my phone comes in handy.

[MadDog]

You just need time. Some relationships take longer to get over than others.

 

When I first broke up with my ex, I definately noticed couples a lot more and felt a little annoyed seeing the happy ones. Then I realized I had a newfound opportunity to meet someone really cool, someone who I could be a lot happier with than my ex, and I got over it.

 

I started going out with my friends and enjoying the single life. It didn't take long for me to enjoy being single. No more having to answer to anyone, no more arguments, no more heavy weight on my shoulders--it was great. The irony is that almost immediately after I started realizing how great single life can be, I met a girl I became very interested in. I don't know if it'll turn into a relationship but it definately has potential.

 

I guess the bottom line is you have to learn to enjoy being single. Start going out with your friends more and enjoy the freedom you have. It's a freedom you won't have once you get into your next relationship.

[2020vision]

You just need time. Some relationships take longer to get over than others.

 

When I first broke up with my ex, I definately noticed couples a lot more and felt a little annoyed seeing the happy ones. Then I realized I had a newfound opportunity to meet someone really cool, someone who I could be a lot happier with than my ex, and I got over it.

 

I started going out with my friends and enjoying the single life. It didn't take long for me to enjoy being single. No more having to answer to anyone, no more arguments, no more heavy weight on my shoulders--it was great. The irony is that almost immediately after I started realizing how great single life can be, I met a girl I became very interested in. I don't know if it'll turn into a relationship but it definately has potential.

 

I guess the bottom line is you have to learn to enjoy being single. Start going out with your friends more and enjoy the freedom you have. It's a freedom you won't have once you get into your next relationship.a

 

I do love being single actually, I just have moments I guess...Like right now, there is this really big nasty moth that flew into my living room and I can't kill it...thats where the bf comes in to play. However, I have suprised myself with all the stuff I do because I have to, now that there is no one to lean on.

 

Good luck to you and your potential relationship!

[visotech]

2020vision,

 

If anything he's the one whos missing out. Look at you: young, single, successful, you sound like the woman every man dreams for.