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hurt feelings


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

 
 
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Old 12th December 2005, 6:35 AM   #1
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hurt feelings

I know this is stupid and I shouldn't care, but it goes through phases of bothering me and not bothering me and I just can't figure out what in the world is going on.

My ex and I have been broken up for a long time...approaching a year. Before we dated, we were very best friends and I haven't had a relationship where I knew someone so well and intimately...ever. He left me very suddenly and unexpectedly for very odd reasons. I never got the full story. There was someone else within weeks, but I know he didn't leave me for her because he kept coming back to me and crying and trying to fix it, and then saying he couldn't do it.

He said he wanted to be friends because he was friends with all of his exes, which he legitimately was...like he hangs out with them, goes to their parties, etc. I was his first real love though...so who knows. he left it up to me and initially i said no. Time went on and we didn't see each other for months and months and I began to get over him. Then I DID have to see him again....actually i see him everyday.

I was really sad to think that our relationship would be a waste, so I said it would be cool to be friends. I apologized for everything I had done wrong during our break-up and said I had changed so much, I doubted we would fall for each other again. He seemed very standoffish and weird about the idea, but was always staring at me, turning red when he saw me, etc. He was really cool before I said anything about being friends, but then all of the sudden he just froze up. He rejected me as a friend on myspace.

Months went by and we'd say hi to each other when we saw each other and he'd look really upset when he saw me, but would always stare at me. Sometimes we'd have conversations, but not very often. I asked if he could talk to me and it took him four days to respond, but he said he needed time. I backed off and he called me and we ended up having this long conversation about why everything is so awkward.

He basically said he missed me and liked seeing me and hearing about my life, but he didn't see us being friends right away or right now, but enough time seemed to have elapsed that we can be around each other. I said I sometimes miss him as a boyfriend, but mostly miss him as a friend and he said he just feels awkward and doesn't know what to say around me...however when we talk one on one, things are FINE. He said he missed me too, but didn't clarify how, and said the whole relationship thing might not work out again because i'd changed so much, according to myself. After the talk he said he "felt better" and was glad things were going to be better, but they aren't. He's still weird. Still stares at me. Still turns red when he sees me, etc.

And the big thing that bothers me most? He and his rebound girl broke up after a 2-3 month affair and they STILL talk and are fine with being around each other. They don't die when they're around each other....they're friends. And its been a shorter time than it has with me.

I saw him the other day and talked to a mutual friend and he just turned red and tried to talk to me, but was having difficulties...and the past few days has been staring at me when he sees me, but will still say hello quickly. He never makes contact first, but has tried to invite me to things via my friends, but we never go because its always so awkward.

I don't know. What do you think it is? Why can he be friends with all of his exes and not me? Its been so long, and I just feel rejected. Its not that I want to be WITH him, I just want to be validated...and I didn't do anything wrong. Its like I'm not good enough to be his girlfriend and now not even good enough to be an acquaintance?

I understand some guys just want to keep things in the past, but it seems like if you want to keep things in the past, you can still talk to your ex when you see her without turning red, staring or acting weird....and I am in situations where i see him everyday.

URG. What should I think? Did I do something wrong? I mean I am leaving him alone since the talk, but it bothers me...a lot.
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Old 12th December 2005, 7:00 AM   #2
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My opinion.

He still likes you and cant find a way to deal with it, every time he see's you he feels it but wont admit it to you or himself, he may be also feeling jealous and worried youll find someone else not him. This is why he is distancing himself.

I suggest you take him to a quite bar, buy him 2 beers chat to him than when he has relaxed and opened up ask him in a straight but kind manner.

Dont get him drunk but just enough to let him open up, alcahol has very good relaxational qualities and will loosten his tounge.

But with this little bit of knowledge I am guessing he still loves you hun and doesnt know how to express it.

I may be wrong and I could give you a better viewpoint if I met you and him together but that will not happen so this is all I can suggest.
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Old 13th December 2005, 12:19 AM   #3
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well, i don't know if i want to be with him...its just hard to rationalize it because it hurts my feelings.
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