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I have no respect for my ex anymore

Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 15th October 2005, 7:34 PM   #1
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I have no respect for my ex anymore

I've finally come to the realization that my ex deserves neither my trust nor my respect. When I step outside the circle and look at all that has happened I'm astonished at what I see.

My ex broke up with me, then kept me around for months, because she just needed someone. (That's the big difference between her and I, I loved her, she just loved having someone!)

On the day of her birthday party last May she acted like we would be together, we drove to it together and she even kissed me and stuff. Then a few hours later an unknown guest arrived, she hooked up with him while I was there and I was history from that point on. This just proves she has absolutely no respect for me.

She tries to explain why she broke up with me. She only saw me on the weekends, she didn't want the committment, etc. Does she not see that she is in the EXACT same situation with the new guy she is with? Does she think I don't see this or something?

I know she has no respect for anyone. It's all about her and it's all about having someone to make her feel good. She broke up with her new guy saying she would "try to find someone new and if she didn't she would go back to him because she loves him". Well, she didn't find anyone, so she is back with him. Yeah...she sure LOVES him, just about as much as she loved me I guess. She also cheated on him, and never told him...yeah, that relationship sure is based on trust and she sure respects him... Just about as much as she respected me I suppose. Although I know for a fact she never cheated on me. She's still a cheater though, if you cheat are a cheater. It doesn't even bother her that she has this secret on her shoulders.

I almost feel bad for her new boyfriend. She WILL just hurt him. After 4 months of them being together he says he wants to have kids with her and marry her and be with her forever. A little freaky yes, considering both are under 20 years old. If he is that serious though, and she was a decent person, she would let him know she doesn't see their relationship that way.

I've finally realized that the problem never was me. I can stop thinking there is something wrong with me and depressing myself. I did everything I could for her, I loved her, I supported her. There was nothing I did wrong. Her current situation with this new guy, as painful as it is to analyze, totally verifies her immaturity. It sucks, because for the majority of the time I was with her she was an amazing girl, with so much respect for me. Then something just changed.

I almost feel like I am grieving someone who died. Because the old her that I just gone now (or at least buried under this new person that has emerged). I know the new her is just a fake facade, she acts like the new her for awhile, then breaks down into this depression and sadness. When you aren't yourself...that is what happens. Oh well, there is nothing I can do for her but wish her the best and offer her the platonic love that I still truly have for her.

I'm still having a difficult time losing her, but if I can build off these realizations, I think I can be ok. I have no control, so I have to stop trying to fix things that I can't. I'd love to have her back someday if she matures and realizes love isn't just about the initial infatuation and curiosity about a new person and that love is based on trust and respect for one another.

Karma will teach her these important lessons someday.
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Old 15th October 2005, 7:41 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by lostinmymind
I almost feel like I am grieving someone who died.
It is grief; grief that you have lost her (even though she treated you poorly), grief for the potential future you may have planned, grief for the hole in your heart, grief for the loss of companionship and sex.

And, like all grief, it will diminish in time.

You can learn more about the process here..

You're going to be fine. Good luck.
Gone fishin
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Old 16th October 2005, 8:30 PM   #3
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Good to see you're seeing the light, but I still say you should not even offer her the platonic love, because you're just going to start the cycle of hurt all over again.

Be a man, walk away.

My story? Two and a half months later, I'm doing so much better than before, I'm dating around, I'm living and experiencing the true college man's life, and it is GREAT! Ex still try's to get in contact with me (she's tried to contact me more this past week than she tried all summer), and I just brush it off. There's nothing to say unless she says what I want to hear.
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Old 17th October 2005, 5:02 PM   #4
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Red face Ssdd

I know exactly what you're going though! My ex did EXACTLY the same thing... and, like you I've lost all respect for her... women like that just like the knowledge that somebody is there for them, the second somebody else comes along and shows an interest in them they jump on it, but still keep you there incase everything falls through because they know how you feel about them.
As the other guy said, the best thing you can do is walk away... That was harder for me as the ex owes me so much money, but I took the next best step... and started uni! haha, I now live over 100miles from her in a city with a 4:1 girl:guy ratio!

Anyway... walk, it'll be best... eventually it'll sink in she isn't worth your time. There are plenty of girls who would appreciate a decent boyfriend
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