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Ex isn't taking no for an answer


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 28th February 2019, 6:58 PM   #1
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Ex isn't taking no for an answer

I thought I got through to him that we are done, not a good match, etc. He said goodbye yesterday only to text this morning, I don't want to say goodbye. Frankly it's not easy I do have feelings for him, but I don't like his way of life and there were too many red flags in behavior. Which when I brought up a few disturbances, he said was his sense of humor, but it didn't feel funny to me when he said it.


I'm about to move out on my own, a huge step for me. That's frankly one my family thinks isn't such a good idea. History, and my mom's reliance upon me. I was gun hoe to do it, it is subsidized, rent won't be any cheaper, yes it's an okay apartment but small, lacking things I'm used to in life. But my chance to prove to myself and everyone I can handle life on my own.


Problem, ex is back and there's an attraction. I swear he knows when I think about him. that's usually when I get a text. He is linked in, I think we're soulmates really. But we have different goals, different lifestyles, etc. So I have to force myself to stay away, don't need a bad 4th marriage. I'm trying to learn from past mistakes. Love isn't enough, I loved husband no 3, he totally screwed me over.

I just rebuilt myself my life, etc. He wasn't there when I went through my job loss, he broke up with me on Valentine's Day last year. Out of the blue, said you need to move on. Now he's begging for another chance. He dated others but he really loves me he says.

He'll change, he was joking about calling me a sex slave, he's never going to hurt me he says now. He is a volunteer firefighter and has saved lives. But he's also a giant guy, like bigger than average and if he lost his temper which he did to my mom it gets worrisome. Nothing happened she stood her ground. But I could see she was afraid. He's kind of doopy, he's a farmer that'll never change. Despite what he says about wanting to get out of farming, I found out he quit his real life job to work on a dairy farm. He's just not the guy for me. But I can't get rid of him.


I've blocked him, he e-mails. I ignore him, he still finds a way to reach out. Like he got a new phone number! I know the sex was great. Despite his ED he always completed me. I know I'm good in that area too. I'm sure that's what he's after, but suggestions? He's not dangerous I don't think. I just don't know how to get him to accept my no. And I worry if I move out I'll be less strong, right now I'm living with my mom who knows he's not the guy for me and went from liking him to disliking him. I haven't gotten there 100% yet, when I'm around him there's a change. I do love him but I'm looking for more. I told him I didn't love him anymore. Anything to push him away.
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Old 28th February 2019, 7:06 PM   #2
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He's not respecting what YOU want. Stop answering the phone or anything. That's stalkerish what he's been doing. He doesn't care what YOU want.

And yes, getting your own place (do not tell him and tell your family not to give him any info) is what you need to do. It will be refreshing, to say the least.
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Old 28th February 2019, 7:16 PM   #3
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Kristine, you've done so well in blocking him and trying to move on. I think that now is the time to further change your mindset about him. Him getting new phones to contact you despite you making it clear that you don't want to have contact with him shows that he's selfish, does not respect your wants and needs and frankly, thinks the world revolves around what HE wants.

Looking back at this old thread I'd say he's still the same person.
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Old 28th February 2019, 7:26 PM   #4
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I'll keep ignoring him and block him again. Thank you so much for showing me that post. It opened my eyes. My best friend remembers more about the awful stuff than I do, probably how I survived my life so far. Anyway, my phone contract is up in July, my brother wanted me to keep my number. I'll tell him I need to change it, he's going to add me to his plan which will save me some money.
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Old 28th February 2019, 7:45 PM   #5
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Switch phones with someone or call and have your number changed?

Iím so sorry. Stay strong.
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Old 28th February 2019, 11:57 PM   #6
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Quote:
He's not dangerous I don't think.
That statement is a definite deal breaker. That is not something you "almost" want to be sure about. Depending on what he did to your mother that she needed to stand her ground, it sounds like he could be a prime candidate for a restraining order. Be careful.
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Old 1st March 2019, 1:09 PM   #7
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I don't like to suggest deception, but one possibility to consider is to tell him you've found someone else. It could backfire if he's really hung up on you, but I think for many men this could work to deflect their interest.

It's pretty final - if you ever wanted to go back to him you'd have to explain how you lied about this. But it sounds like you really want out of this.

Might work well, but there's a small but real chance it would make things worse, so something for you to really think through.
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