How do you get over the pain?

[JayHarris]

Of seeing an ex with someone else. It hurts so freaking much....seeing that smile while in someone else's arms. I feel like I've been punched in the gut all over again. I am never good enough for anyone.

 

She was too nervous to introduce me to her friends but has a photo with the new guy and all her friends. I just feel awful.

[hope86]

I'd like to know this too but i've blocked my ex so there's no chance of knowing who she is with unless I bump into them in real life. But it's a small world and you never know if and when you'll bump into them.

[Beachead]

Of seeing an ex with someone else. It hurts so freaking much....seeing that smile while in someone else's arms. I feel like I've been punched in the gut all over again. I am never good enough for anyone.

 

She was too nervous to introduce me to her friends but has a photo with the new guy and all her friends. I just feel awful.

 

Pre-internet days, when two people broke up, they likely never saw eachother again unless someone decided to call or show up at the front door. Over was over. Today with social media and all kinds of platforms to connect, even after a break up, you get to see your ex slowly move on without you. You get to see the trips she'll take all over the world, the friends she's partying with, suspect-guys who might be someone she's seeing or not seeing. It's all going to break your heart.

 

If this breakup is recent and it sounds recent to me, you need to block her off of everything. People tend to publish the best sides of their life and hide what's actually going on behind the scenes from the public. What you're seeing is a false representation of her. In your weakened vulnerable state, you compare your broken, worst insecure self to this woman's seemingly glamorous lifestyle.

 

With her out of sight, there won't be anything to trigger you except the leftover pain of the past that you have to now move on from. No, it won't happen overnight because it takes a long time to work through your grief. It's going to suck for awhile but there are a lot of things you can do to ensure you recover. Find a good support system like a close friend, family, a therapist/lifecoach, forums like this and use it to express yourself etc. You need to let yourself feel all the pain to heal from it.

 

Secondly, don't give up on yourself. Return your energy to yourself and only yourself because you need you more than anyone does right now. What's going to get you out of that bed every morning now that this girl is gone? You don't have control over her and what she does. No control whatsoever. But, you do have control over yourself and what your life will be like a year from now, by the way you take care of yourself today. So set goals, write them out, and remind yourself of them everyday. If you need to, change up your routine into something entirely new to dissociate yourself from the lifestyle you lived with her.

 

And I know how it feels. Last girl I was with, went back to her ex whom she claimed she was over. Like a fool I latched onto it even though my wisdom told me she wasn't. We ended up breaking up because he became an issue and she returned to him 2 days later and cut me out of her life. They got engaged a few months later and I heard about it from a friend a couple of months after that. Inside of a year they were married. It was tough but, it forced me to move passed her and the breakup through lack of choice. There's always positives to these things. You won't be able to see them right now because you're overwhelmed with sadness and anger. With time, the clarity and the strength will return.

 

Stay Strong

 

- Beach

Edited October 21, 2018 by Beachead

[Dodgersfan11]

For me, looking at his social media at his new girl gives me motivation if that makes any sense. I look at her pictures, see what she looks like, what clothes she wears, how "hot" she looks because I work on MY appearance and buys clothes she wears so that I can better myself.

[loststarsx]

I'm the kind of person that will find loads of ways to get around things. Unfortunately, you cannot do this with heartbreak. You have to get through it. I know exactly how you feel. That roller coaster of emotions is the worst. So is the irrational jealousy. We're sort of on the same sinking ship. I am starting to see the light, but I go through waves. I'd like to tell you to stop looking at social media because we all know it's smoke and mirrors, but you know, sometimes you have to see all that to finally get off the hamster wheel. I recommend exercise and creating goals for yourself. I realized that I don't want to stay stuck in love, I'm sure you don't want to either. All that love and attention that you have left over needs to go to you. However, it's all easier said than done. It's hurts and only time and self improvement will ultimately be your saving grace. You'll be ok, even if like me, you wake up in a panic and think you lost your only chance at love. I write all this feeling like a hypocrite. Hang in there.