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Anyone else experienced this?


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 24th June 2018, 5:23 PM   #1
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Anyone else experienced this?

Iíve accepted that our relationship is over and that weíre never going to get back together but thereís just one thing that I canít understand and wondering if anyone else has had the same.

You have an argument, everything seems to be ok after that and they tell you not to worry, they arenít going anywhere and donít see themselves with anyone else only to dump you a few days later because they canít stand being around you anymore.

Itís been four months and I shouldnít be thinking about it anymore but itís something that still consumes me. Itís not healthy to still care that much about someone when they obviously didnít care that much about you and are getting on with their life. I keep thinking Iím over it but the fact Iím posting here or still thinking about clearly means Iím not.
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Old 24th June 2018, 10:36 PM   #2
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Every couple has an argument here or there.

Your significant other was looking for an "out". The argument was their way of getting away from you.

Sorry to be blunt, but it is, what it is...
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Old 25th June 2018, 12:17 AM   #3
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Because ultimately words mean nothing if their actions show otherwise. People don't like conflict and confrontation and will say almost anything to avoid it or postpone it.
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Old 25th June 2018, 2:46 AM   #4
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It is possible that your ex believed what they were saying at the time. In the heat of the moment sometimes it is hard to think clearly. However, the longer they had to think about it, the more doubts they had about the relationship, to a point where they realized it wasn't going to work out.

I understand your frustration, but sometimes it takes longer to move when you are the person who was dumped. It feels like the rug is pulled out from beneath your feet. Try not to be so hard on yourself during your weak moments. They will pass and begin to fade.

Just give it time and try to remain open to new people and possibilities.
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Old 25th June 2018, 6:17 AM   #5
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I agree with Scarlet.
Many times, it is the case that the relationship has issues but neither party can see them until there is a fight or an argument. During the fight everyone tries the best to get out of it as quickly as possible with the best of intentions; but afterwards when things calm down, in silence the thinking begins. And with it come clarity and perspective. You start to notice many other small almost invisible red flags that you ignored earlier and now you start to connect the dots and see a pattern of behavior.

So, it may not be the case that he was plotting to 'get out' to begin with, but the argument confirmed some subtle doubts he may have had already in the relationship long before the argument.
The argument just crystalized the decision to force the end.
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Old 27th June 2018, 8:16 AM   #6
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I've given up on trying to understand the actions of people before they dump someone, for the most part it just doesn't make sense.

Based on my breakup, as well as breakups for friends... theres almost the same words being spoken, "I thought we were fine, I don't understand what happened." I was stuck in that cycle for longer than 4 months so don't worry about it but eventually you'll realize that it doesn't matter what they were like pre breakup, they still ended the relationship so obviously they weren't being completely honest about how they were feeling and at the end of the day, you're still broken up regardless.
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