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Terrible Situation

Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 23rd December 2017, 3:53 PM   #1
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Terrible Situation

I am currently going through a separation/fake reconciliation lol. At the beginning of November my better half of 13 years, and mother of my 9 year old son, and 12 year old daughter, decided she was leaving. She told me I could have the kids and she would pay child support. I didn't understand any of this because everything had been fine, so I thought. Then she hit me with the idea that she was going to stay till May, but we would be separated, so she could pay off bills. Needless to say I love her, so I agreed, what I didn't know is there was anther man at work.

Come to find out she had been having sex with a man at work. I was devastated, couldn't sleep for days, lost nearly 40 pounds in just over a month, and was physically and emotionally ruined. She continued to tell me she would always love me, and we had kids together so we would always be in each others lives, which made it even harder. Fast forward to 2 months after the separation, she says she is back in, talking about our future, having sex with me at least every other night. Come to find out this man cut the relationship off because she wanted more than just sex.

Fast forward to today. I found out she is going to see a different man tonight. This man is from out of town and passing through, they went to high school together. She is lying to me about where she is going, but I saw the texts. She obviously wants to have that guy, but not loose her place in our home.

I realize our union is all but lost. I am her rebound and comfort when these other guys fail her. I am also worried now about STD's as one of the men is a marine and has pictures with women from around the world (I think prostitutes).

So my question is, when does this pain stop? I am trying to focus on my kids and find joy in them, but all I see/think about is her. I feel so guilty because I can't find any happiness in spending time with my kids, which should be my coping mechanism. What is wrong with me?
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Old 23rd December 2017, 4:03 PM   #2
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It is WAY too soon to expect to feel better/be over this.....especially when she's actively dating other men!

Kick her out. Then you can begin the long process of healing.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 5:39 PM   #3
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The pain will take care of itself in time. The first step in facilitating this?
Kick the adulterous cheater to the curb.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 5:42 PM   #4
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First things first, kick her out. And, don't feel badly about it. She has made her decision.

Then, go to your doctor and get yourself tested for STD's. And, ask for a referral to a counsellor. You will need it.

And finally, be kind to yourself. You are at the beginning of this journey and the pain will last a long time. But, it will get better.

Take care of your kids. They will need you more than ever now.

I'm so sorry.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 5:44 PM   #5
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When you start beliving who she's shown you she is. It'll start.

You teach people how they can treat you.

What were you expecting out of her?
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