A long term update

[Mrlonelyone]

I have been on here and written about many things and many people. Here is a long term update.

 

I read in a newspaper that a guy I had a relationship with through highschool and the early part of college, who went to prison, will be getting out soon. Supposedly he went crazy but I know what's real. He was driven mad by on one hand his big strong mountainous muscular macho self .... and being into a transwoman like me. The way he'd be judged by it.

 

That said compared to him every other man has been a coward. Yet the fact liking me was such a dissonace it drove him mad really hurt. Am I that awful?

 

 

S a woman I wrote of here still has my child to herself. It is a complicated story but we got drunk and he was born...and an enagement she had to another person was off after that. She's been dating but not married to the same dude for some years now. Relatives of hers who have a concious keep me informed. So long as there is no abuse It's best I not take action. The idealistic may judge me all the way.

 

 

M hacked my cell phone and inserted herself into my porno collection on my cloud storage. She figured out a way to replace the thumbnail on an interracial video with a picture of her. IT is what her advanced degree is in. I haven't heard from her and since a really stern warning from my uncle she has just finally left me be. I saw a picture of her in a magazine/website when I searched for more effective ways to stretch. If it is possible for someone to look like a computer hacker from central casting she does.

 

There have been little flings, all with men, mixed in here and there.

 

 

I have one good prospect a guy I work with who is really into the same things I am into. Though not much has happened at least he's nice to think about. He has both the physicality I like in a man, and the brains I like too.

 

 

 

 

How I cope

 

I concluded that the way to be happy is to only want what you have. The people I know as Ex's are not perfect and while I miss them I know life with them isn't all that.

 

What I got from all of them were certain great feats ....but which were denied. One was my beau and big strong protector....and was driven nuts. The other had my kid but didn't tell me and hasn't asked for a thing. The last one named did scientific work for me.

 

What I would like to have but am OK with not having... is just someone who will hold my hand in public. Someone who is content to pass their days with me as we figure out how to live this life. The little things.

 

I cope by being happy with what I got, the grand gestures, the big over the top actions, things in nice steady relationships may dream about. I know I am missing something by not having that day to day year on year of stability. Maybe that just isn't meant for me and that's OK.

[Mrlonelyone]

Not much has changed in the last six months. I have a lot of men interested in sex, have had a couple of women come on to me too but nothing much serious.

 

Reading LS can give people the wrong idea. I use this as most do, to work through the situations that are so WTF I mean W....T.....F... that they defy normal logic. I had a few flings come and go over the months but thats normal dating life.

 

My son with S is in high school and M still messes with me electronically from time to time. The guy I wrote about... call him H isn't out of jail but honestly he seems like a better option than most. At least he knows how crazy he is.