shamen Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 I saw my long term ex yesterday, the alcoholic drug addict one, the one I was with for 4 years. We had to deal with the cellphone separation (finally)... It's not like the experience was bad at all. It was all very cordial; we caught up, blah blah. It's not like he tried to get back with me, which I don't want. He wasn't rude or anything. For some reason, since then I have crying on and off for no reason. In the car listening to music on the way home last night, in the shower this morning and just 10 minutes ago! I'm trying to get some friggin' work done and I can't concentrate. What the hell is my problem? Why is this bothering me so much now after almost 4 months? Maybe I just miss the companionship? It was actually pleasant yesterday, which I didn't expect. Is it this in conjunction with getting dumped by another guy (insignificant other) via a voice mail last week? (another thread already posted re: this) I feel lower than I've felt in months today on and off and I'm just having a hard time understanding what's up... Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherAaron Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 Just let yourself grieve. Be sad, cry for a while. Next chance that you get, though, treat yourself to a night out. Pretend like it's your birthday, or something, and just have a celebration - go out with friends, barbecue, whatever floats your boat. You know how to get through this. I'm sure this isn't the first time since the breakup you've wound up having a bad day. You got through it last time, and you will get through it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shamen Posted April 14, 2005 Author Share Posted April 14, 2005 I think that I may have figured it out... when I broke up with him in January, I didn't cry. I was so angry at him that I was unable to feel sad about the break up. I was just happy. Seeing him made me realize how much I missed being with him. We still get along fine and all that. He's just got issues that I can't get past. A delayed reaction, a delayed grieving. Weird. Didn't expect it, but it was probably necessary. I'll probably cry again over him at some point... Link to post Share on other sites
Three of Swords Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 It is nearly going to be a year (end of May) since my husband and I have separated, and the last few days I have been doing nothing but crying myself. I really do not want to get back together with THAT man, but I fear that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I realize that is totally irrationaly, but I feel that as I am past my PRIME (just turned 47) that there isn't much left out there for me. I know that I do not/should not need a man to complete me and I really don't need one, but lately I have been feeling so all alone - I think I just WANT someone to hold me. So yeah - you are probably just still greiving as am I. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Ahhh. The rollercoaster ride of loss. You think you've finished the ride and are on the flat bit before you get off but no - ZOOM down into another of the troughs. It can happen to you at unexpected moments as you both found out. Three - rent yourself The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie. And practice saying "I am in my PRRRRIME" And maybe both of you read Iyanla Van Zant's "In the Meantime". Your true loves are making their way to you - you've all had lessons to learn so that you will be ready when you meet. Never give up! Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 I think you're great and you deserve a lot, a lot more than your ex with his issue can give you. Stay away from drug and alcohol addicts. They are humans, too, sure, but I think unless they are in a stage of wanting to get out and working on themselves, you should avoid them like the pest. They are simply not relationship material. And 4 years is a lot of time to change, if he didn't use his opportunity when he had you to support and help him, then he seems like a lost cause. Unless he realizes this and decides to tackle his problems, you're not going anywhere with this guy. It's hard when you like someone and think that without his issues there would be a lot of potential for a great relationship. Behind your anger is the feeling of disappointment and hopelessness; and when the anger eases off the pain settles in. So, it's ok to be sad and grieve, take your time to get over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shamen Posted April 17, 2005 Author Share Posted April 17, 2005 Hi ladies, Thanks so much for all of the support. Three, I've read some of your posts about him. You are certainly not past your prime! It's weird how this stuff just kind of sneaks up on you. I completely agree. It's funny 'cuz you know that you don't want to be back with him, but it happens anyway... Know that you are not alone. You've got good friends and family. You have LS; we both do. I seriously don't know where I would've been without this forum throughout the last year. Moi, No kidding about the rollercoaster ride of loss! Jesus! Totally not what I expected to happen. I probably should've just dealt with the cellphone thing like you suggested earlier in the year by having him sign it off for me so we didn't have to see each other, but I figured since we were cordial, that I could handle it. I still have some of his crap here and he still has my keys (can you believe that this is still going on?). So, I know that I'll have to see him again at least one more time. Ugh. This is the crappy part about staying cordial with your ex. It'll be completely over soon enough. Kooky, Absolutely no more alcoholics/drug addicts! That's at the forefront of my new rules for guys about dating. It used to be "don't live at home." I've picked so many of these addicts that when I started hanging out with the porno star, it didn't seem like he could possibly be so bad. Don't worry, I have NO intentions of getting back with the 4 year ex whatsoever. Being in counseling since October/November has helped me tremendously see patterns in my behavior that hopefully will stop me from doing the same thing again. Link to post Share on other sites
Three of Swords Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 "That man" has asked me for a divorce on the weekend. He said he still loved me, but that he doesn't see that waiting will get him anywhere, so why prolong the agony. I totally agree with him - as a matter of fact, I was thinking of asking him for a divorce as well - he just beat me to the punch.. I am sad though - cause it will be the END of something. Even if by now the closure is something that we both want. Moi - I wrote down the name of both your suggestions and have it in my purse. When I get a chance, I have full intentions of getiing one/the other/or both. And yeah - Shamen - I do have good friends, family and LS. And yeah - don't know where I would be without it either. Link to post Share on other sites
beejsea2 Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 I think we all regress from time to time. I'm now at the six month mark of my break-up. Last week in therapy I broke down and cried the entire session and I couldn't really explain why. I know that I'm better off without my ex and he definitely has problems. I cry but than I pick myself up and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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