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Old friend back in life, questioning myself


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

 
 
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Old 18th March 2005, 10:12 AM   #1
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What's wrong with me???

So not to long ago I put out a thread about age...If it matters?? Well, no matter how many responses I got about it as for me to tell you the truth...I 'think' it does matter!! I've always been the type to know what I want and till this day I do...But for some reason someone from my past has opened up my eyes and is making me see things in a whole different light...so I'm questioning myself what do I want???

This friend ( I also wrote a thread about him...Lozano?!) who I use to have interest in back in the day has suddenly appeared (again) into my life...He's the type of friend you don't need to talk to in order to know their there for you...I've known him for years, we've always had an attraction to each other and never end up hooking up cause it's always bad timing...We share some kissing and inisant affection...Of course now it's the worst...I'm in a relationship with a guy who is 19 and I'm 23...I've tried to ignore the fact that in 4 years (he says he going to marry me when he finishes school) I will be 28!!!!!!!! He would only be 23 at the time...Is that someone who is ready for marriage...I know I'm not and I'm 23!? Lozano is more established (he's 25) and more of what I look for in a man...He's also in the same state of mind as me...He's romantic, funny, sexy, and he has these eyes that just mesmorize me!!

Lozano is the perfect person for me (as per my taste in men)...And then theirs My bf.. last night he decided to go and chill with some friends...mind you he lives about 45 min from me and he comes to see me on the weekends and he goes to chill with his friends?? I let him know I'm not feeling well and would like him to stay with me...but of course I don't want to be the controlling gf so I let him go...The whole time he's gone all I do is think about Lozano...Why is it that this time it's different between us..?? Is it cause we're older now, or is it because we both want the same thing from our partner?? Whatever it is it's affecting me in my relationship...and lets get this clear I would not do anything with him until I am no longer with my bf...I wouldn't disrespect my bf like that and he doesn't deserve it

Well I've bragged on but one last thing I is it that Lozano NOW, this time, is truly making me change my feelings or at least I find myself wanting to talk to him more and find out what it is about him that I can't put my finger on?? We've always had an in and out friendship and he's never affected me the way is now??? Why?? Or is it me looking at my relationship and realizing I'm not on the same page as my bf??
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Old 18th March 2005, 11:03 AM   #2
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I don't know what to respond to you so don't expect to be enlightened by me today lmao...but I wanted to let you know you are not alone...

I'm kinda sorta in the same boat as you..except I don't have another guy that I'm thinking about and the age is not the problem..but the distance is and I ignored it was a problem but lately its becoming a problem.
And lately (I dunno could be my emotional period talking) but I'm feeling that i kinda sorta want to be single again. That I want to be alone, and go out, and date guys, and enjoy my new apartment. But i love my man but its like if I'm alone anyways because he's not here.

I dunno what i want..life is dumb. I guess it's that INSTANT GRATIFICATION thing talking again???
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Old 18th March 2005, 11:45 AM   #3
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I don't know about your current relationship... it sounds like he's not giving you the attention you crave, even when you beg for it, so you start thinking about where else you could get the attention. That's what women do, in my experience. And, sometimes, if the girl is begging for a guy's attention, and he ignores her, he's walking out the door without even realising it.

As for Lozano, I've been that guy. I was him through 4 of her boyfriends. I met her when she had a boyfriend (long distance + unhappy). I always respected boundaries, and often kept my distance when I started to want what I felt was anything I shouldn't, but there was no denying the attraction. It always killed her relationships before they even got off the ground, and it did the same to mine. Time just built our mutual attraction, and an then one of those kisses that "just happen" when you find yourself unexpectedly placed in a romantic situation with someone when you weren't expecting romance sealed the deal.

She ended being the most spectacular love I've ever had.
(nevermind the fact that it's also been the hardest thing ever to lose her)

If you're in a relationship that you don't think is working out, say something to the other person, now before later. You can save a person a lot of heartbreak by not disappearing in a cloud of dust... and by all means, don't leave him standing there watching you running off into the sunset with someone else.
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Old 18th March 2005, 12:40 PM   #4
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Quote:
As for Lozano, I've been that guy. I was him through 4 of her boyfriends. I met her when she had a boyfriend (long distance + unhappy). I always respected boundaries, and often kept my distance when I started to want what I felt was anything I shouldn't, but there was no denying the attraction. It always killed her relationships before they even got off the ground, and it did the same to mine. Time just built our mutual attraction, and an then one of those kisses that "just happen" when you find yourself unexpectedly placed in a romantic situation with someone when you weren't expecting romance sealed the deal.

Exactly!! AND HE KEEPS COMING BACK...Just when I think my life is together..BOOM, in a snap it's out of my hands and into God's...Why did it end??
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Old 18th March 2005, 4:32 PM   #5
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This is getting harder by the minutes...
(for me)
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Old 19th March 2005, 12:10 PM   #6
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The more I think about it the more I get discouraged
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