Wondering why

[unsaved]

Hey all, just looking for some comfort or words of encouragement. I'm really down in my life right now.

 

I'm a 32 y/o girl who lives in the midwest. I honestly would say that I am a fairly NORMAL person. I grew up in a good and supportive family, I played competitive sports growing up, I always made top grades and was very involved in school, I had a ton of friends, I got a masters degree, worked, then decided to change career paths and just finished pharmacy school. I would say I'm above average looking. I'm not some model, but I would definitely say I'm at least cute. I have a decent body that many compliment me on. I play recreational soccer 2 nights a week and try to stay active and am always willing to do new and exciting things. I coach 2 kids' soccer teams. I'm pretty outgoing when I'm out with others and I have tons of friends (although many of my close friends are now married and going on their 2nd child).

 

I guess I just want to know what is wrong with me. I've been in so many relationships. No one wants to stay with me. I thought i would be married by now. My boyfriend of 5 months just broke up with me because he "doesn't want to be in a relationship" and "wants to be alone." Although, he later admitted he is attracted to other girls and eventually got bored with me. It blindsided me. I thought he was the one. We got along fairly well (although not perfect) and were telling each other we loved each other. We have a lot of the same interests. He pursued me for many months before we got together and always acted so loving until the day he left me. He broke up with me 4 days after I graduated pharmacy school. I was devastated. He used to tell me how I could get any guy I want. But now I can't even get him.

 

I've dated all throughout my life too. At least 9 different relationships that i've tried. Four of the relationships I ended. But most of them, the guys broke up with me. I do know that a handful of them were crazy or unavailable and the relationships weren't going to work. Some appeared normal though. All of these guys but 1 told me they loved me. (Which makes it THAT much more awful and THAT much more hurtful when it ends).

 

I want to say it was the guys. But it can't be all of them. I am NOT perfect even though I try to be! I do know that I can be controlling sometimes. I'm a girl who knows what I want. I know sometimes I don't show as much affection as I should and I don't tell the other person how much they mean to me regularly. I also can be a person who thinks she's always right. I am a pretty sexual person and have never gotten complaints about that. But i'm not perfect there either. I guess I get lazy sometimes in relationships, but I'm always willing to pick it up if needed. I'm SO willing to work on things if a guy would complain about anything. I'm also not the most girly girl in the world. Like I said, I'm pretty cute but I don't adorn dresses and girly stuff. I like to dress in a tank top and jeans or tshirt before getting super dressed up. I fear that keeps me down as well.

 

I just don't get it. I see my girl friends, who are all very similar to me. Some of them are SUPER controlling! Don't let their husbands do anything! Tell me they aren't having sex. Little affection. They are in relationships for 7,8,10 years. Married with 2 kids. I think "why won't someone settle down like that with me?" Why can't someone like me unconditionally and want to stay with me no matter what? I'm not any worse than them! I thought this last guy was it. I was wrong again.

 

 

Anyway, just looking for some supportive words. Or ways to cope. Or ways to be alone. Or anything. Be gentle. I'm pretty fresh off the breakup.

 

Thanks for reading

 

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[juniorrocha]

Seriously you would want that kind of relationship for you? No sex, little affection, controlling behaviour from your partner... just so you wouldn't have to be alone? I know how it hurts to want someone in your life and then it always fails, but honestly I'd rather walk alone than stay with someone just for the sake of being with someone.

 

Keep working on yourself, don't give up. Eventually the right one will appear.

[sickoflove11]

I'm 23 and live in an area where most people are either married, in a relationship, or just looking for a hook up. So maybe I can give you some advice on being alone. It sucks for awhile. You have to learn to enjoy your time alone. Keep busy with things you like to do if that be watching tv, coming on here a reading peoples stories, working out, or whatever. People come and go in our lives and sometimes there are moments in between where we feel like we have no one. I didn't think this is where I'd be at 23, but I personally don't know how I will ever meet someone at my current state in life whether it just be a friend or a bf. I can only focus on bettering myself and hoping that life will eventually lead me to someone. In the moments I feel down, I come on here or go for a walk. Like I'm sure you've heard a million times, it takes time and eventually it stops hurting as much.

I wish the best for you and like juniorrocha said, don't give up, and also don't settle.

[DevotedBaker54]

Don't be so hard on yourself! There is nothing "wrong" with you! Dating is about finding someone who compliments you. You're putting yourself out there, and sometimes things don't work out. Just don't beat yourself up every time a relationship ends. You gave it a shot, and it didn't work out. Learn something from each relationship and then move on. There WILL be a person out there for you. You just have to be patient and have faith

Just keep yourself involved in the community and I'm sure you will find someone soon! Hang in there

[ajp1999]

Hang in there my friend.. I'm 41 and have never been married. It's best to hold out for the right one. Make sure you are putting yourself out there.. Mr. right is not going to come knocking on your door=)

[SixxChick]

I see my girl friends, who are all very similar to me. Some of them are SUPER controlling! Don't let their husbands do anything! Tell me they aren't having sex. Little affection. They are in relationships for 7,8,10 years. Married with 2 kids. I think "why won't someone settle down like that with me?" Why can't someone like me unconditionally and want to stay with me no matter what? I'm not any worse than them! I thought this last guy was it. I was wrong again.

 

"Why won't someone settle down like that with me?" Go back and re-read that. Aren't having sex? Little affection? 2 kids. 7, 8, 10 years? Just from what you wrote makes me happy to be single.

 

Relationships are complex. I, personally, have given up on them. That shouldn't make you feel jaded like me. But my only advice is to be careful. Never ignore the red flags, and throw away the rose-colored glasses. There are no knights in shining armor. And there are plenty of men that have been taken down the wrong road by woman too. So it's all about a matter of balance and keeping the radar on. Because sometimes people change. It's not always fair, but it comes with the territory if you want to put yourself out there. Social media doesn't help either because there are so many temptations when things go south. Anyway, you are so young. Just please remember to keep your brain on when your heart tugs you away.

[bummer]

Sounds like you may need to stack the odds more in your favor. I.e. date more than 9 relationships before you give up?

 

The more you date, you'll clarify what you want in a partner better than just reflecting back that you're not girly enough or typically alpha. There's a guy in your soccer league who would love to ask you out I'm sure. Maybe try some guys you wouldn't go after typically? Shake it up and don't be afraid to just date for awhile instead of launching into relationships. Just keep trying if you're really as normal as you say more opportunities will come.